Actually Juri kind of got it, what Shintarou was trying to show them. Not that they should all be like Jesse, which was ridiculous (Juri could tell from even his position that this video was going to be group chat GOLD), but that all of them needed to take up more space, needed to make the whole stage theirs. All of them needed to get over themselves a little bit, thinking whatever they were doing wasn't just as weird in its own way. At least Jesse owned it. Juri thought about it like that and rolled his shoulders back, throwing his fingertips wider.

"Even that looks better, more relaxed," Shintarou called over the music. "But spread out more or…yeah, right in the face, ow."

"Shit!" Juri stopped to make sure he hadn't broken Kouchi's nose, the back of his hand still stinging with how hard he'd hit Kouchi's face. Kouchi waved him off, rubbing his face, and the others stopped too. "That can't have looked better though."

"No, it's shit, but I'm saying…" Shintarou thought for a second. "All of you have some part that's really you, but none of you have everything. Like I said about Jesse and Taiga, right? What if Jesse did all the hand motions more precisely, sharp like Taiga does, but then Taiga opened up his shoulders more and didn't hold himself so tightly?" Shintarou hesitated, looking at their faces in turn. "Is that making any sense at all?"

"Yeah, we get it, it's just annoying," Taiga said, rolling a shoulder while he rubbed at it with his other hand. He turned towards Jesse. "Face me and we'll do it a couple times half speed, just us."

"Try a thing with me too?" Juri asked Kouchi, and Kouchi nodded. They had to use the mirrors though, because facing each other just fucked Juri up into switching stuff to the wrong side, left to right. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Shintarou talking quietly to Hokuto. He still wasn't allowed to dance, but he did a little of the upper body and arm stuff while standing stationary.

Privately Juri thought that if Shintarou talked Hokuto out of any of the sweet, shy side staff have finally been allowing Hokuto to show in the last year, Juri would murder him.

"Hey, our time's almost up," Jesse called from his and Taiga's huddle. "We should do it for real once or twice."

They went back to their original formation, Shintarou with his phone at the ready, the rest of them in start position. Juri tried to keep everything in his head that they'd been talking about, plus worrying about high-fiving Kouchi's face again, and it was a lot, and from his position he couldn't even tell whether it was helping or not.

"It's better," Shintarou encouraged after fifteen or twenty seconds, eyes flicking between the screen and reality. "Juri, ease up a little…Jesse quit slouching, your posture's like…yeah, better. Hokuto, you can be more direct, not so…" Shintarou shook his head. "I lied, it's cuter the other way, leave it."

He'd made a lot of these corrections before, Juri realized, and something about that was funny and endearing, how Shintarou could know all their little habits so well when he still didn't understand the parts of their history that were nothing like his own.

Sakuma came in just then to tell them to knock it off, to get some food and take a break before the first show started. He'd gotten injured before performances even started, taken out of a lot of the show, and now he was burning off his excess energy by being an AD, more or less, complete with clipboard and roll of marking tape strapped to his hip.

"You guys are serious this week," Sakuma teased as they grabbed for towels and water bottles and sweatshirts. "Should Snow Man be worried?"

"Only about this overachiever," Taiga complained, jutting his chin out towards Shintarou as he toweled off his hair. "Hurry up and heal or we might stick this guy in your group, he's too high energy for us."

"Ehh, no good, I hear he can't land a backflip," Sakuma said, eyes twinkling.

"Too soon, man!" Shintarou protested, but Juri and Jesse laughed, and Sakuma stood on his tiptoes to ruffle Shintarou's hair in apology.

"Anyway, your group seems like it could use some ringers at the moment," Kouchi said. "A couple more injuries and we won't even be able to do a NEWS song between the twelve of us. Can we help you guys with anything? "

"Hey, you worry about your own selves," Sakuma said, putting his hand on his hip. For just a second, Sakuma's expression was serious. "We're rivals after all, right? Snow Man won't lose to you!"

"Can I ask you more questions yet?" Shintarou asked when he and Juri were sitting around between shows. Their dressing room was quiet at the moment, just the two of them stretching on the floor and Hokuto studying at the low table with his headphones in. Juri nodded, busy trying to stretch out a persistent ache in his lower back. Shintarou nodded towards Hokuto. "What's up with him?"

"Hoku?" Juri was on his back, hands locked behind his knee, pulling it towards his chest. "Finals?"

"That's crazy. Good for him," Shintarou said, shaking his head. Shintarou looked wistful, a little sad, and it took a second for it to click for Juri.

"Your Hokuto doesn't go to university, huh?" Juri asked.

"Didn't even finish high school. It was too much with debut, and…" Shintarou shrugged a shoulder. "Honestly, both of us barely made it either. Hokuto says he doesn't care, what's it matter when you have a career, but he does care, really."

"He got held back a grade," Juri offered. "Him and Taiga, and they had to transfer into Horikoshi. He's so smart, but he couldn't keep up with all the drama work, and I know it just killed him. It's still hard, since we've been busy this year, but he seems happy enough. I think he kind of likes that it's hard, that it makes him feel like it's worth doing. I wish he'd loosen up enough to make some friends there, though."

Before Shintarou answered, Taiga came in, hair damp from the shower and holding two cans of coffee. He gave the two of them a nod on his way past them towards Hokuto, and pressed one of the cans against Hokuto's cheek, making him jump. Hokuto gave Taiga a thankful smile and took the can, tugging out his earbuds as Taiga flopped down beside him.

"Hey, let's go," Juri said, nudging Shintarou with his shoulder. There wasn't much privacy to be had lately, so if Juri could give Hokuto and Taiga a few minutes of it, then he wanted to. Shintarou got up to follow him out, and just as they were going out the door, Juri glanced back to see Hokuto leaning in to kiss Taiga sweetly. Shintarou's wide eyes made Juri chuckle as he pulled the door firmly shut and pulled the hairband out of his palm-treed bangs to slip around the handle. "Gross, huh? They're so slow it's disgusting. Taiga kissed Hokuto the whole way back at Countdown, but then they didn't talk about it for weeks. Morons. What?" Juri asked, since Shintarou was still staring at him, mouth parted like he didn't know what to say. "What's the matter, did yours get married at Dome or something?"

"During Bakaleya, they didn't…?" Shintarou's question trailed off. Juri tugged him along as they talked; they could always go hassle Prince or Watanabe or something.

"Oh, yeah, almost." Juri remembered the awkwardness of it fondly, because they seemed like such a bad matchup that it was almost cute, Taiga's sharp tongue and Hokuto's anxious need for reassurance. "I thought they would, even. But with filming and school, I think they decided on their own it would have been too much. I'm not sure they ever talked about it, really."

Shintarou didn't answer at first, and Juri let him be. He didn't speak up until they were nearly to Snow Man's rooms, and then Shintarou put a hand on Juri's arm to stop him.

"When we debuted…" Shintarou paused, as if he didn't know where to start his story. "There's so much pressure. It was a big shock, and it feels like there's nowhere you can turn but inside your group. They hooked up almost right after, and they did like each other, I know it, but it turned out more like they were just using each other to blow off steam. It was all just too much, I guess."

"Didn't last?" Juri asked, sympathetic. They saw it around them now and again, juniors fooling around and getting too serious, having a dramatic breakup when it turned into more stress instead of fun.

"They tried to keep it to themselves, but it was pretty ugly. They weren't close for a long time." Shintarou reached for Juri's hand without thinking, and then swung his hand in a useless circle back to his side when he caught himself. "They're getting better now, though. Took long enough, like you said."

"I'm glad they waited, then," Juri said. Wish I hadn't. "But maybe it's not too late?"

"For them or you?" Shintarou asked slyly. On impulse, Juri stretched up to grab two fistfuls of Shintarou's sweatshirt and kiss him squarely on the mouth, just because he could. He slipped away before Shintarou could grab him, cheeks hot but grinning with mischief.

"What do you think?" Juri asked, and then he strolled into Snow Man's room, leaving Shintarou sputtering in the hallway.

That was the turning point where Shintarou started to think about things differently, Juri was sure. In the next two or three days, Juri caught Shintarou watching quietly more than interrupting, listening in, chewing distractedly on the corner of his thumbnail like he did when he had choreography he couldn't learn on the first few tries.

"Quit that," Juri said, reaching up to brush Shintarou's hand away from his mouth. "Idols can't have bitten-down nails, stupid. Wanna talk about it?"

"No." Shintarou heaved a sigh that sounded like it hurt. His put-out expression was cute, Juri always thought, and Juri had been thinking about that kiss in the hallway since it happened. Since he'd been dumb enough to make it happen.

"Want to come home with me later?" he asked. Shintarou raised an eyebrow. "Shh, don't make it a thing. You miss him, I miss you, it's fine, right? Irresponsible hookups are practically a tradition during a show run."

"You aren't a hookup," Shintarou protested, frowning harder, but he didn't push Juri away when Juri took a step forward. Juri slid arms around Shintarou's waist and pressed his face against Shintarou's T-shirt, the smell of Shintarou's deodorant and laundry soap familiar and pleasant. "Yeah. Please take me home."

It was irresponsible, and Juri knew it, but Juri couldn't bring himself to care. Long shows did that, stripped away a lot of your layers and good sense until you were made of nothing but the most basic of your needs and wants, your bruises and your craving for chocolate and just to be pressed against somebody that you liked. The heat and thrill of being wanted, being dragged into a corner and kissed senseless, nobody could resist the effects of that when already punch-drunk and high on stage adrenaline, or at least nobody Juri knew. Most of them had given into it at least once in their careers, if the right person asked at the right moment, and if the fantasy only lasted the length of the show, well, the fleeting nature of it was part of the excitement.

Later it would hurt like hell, Juri was sure, and it would be all his own fault. But for the moment all he could think about was what it would be like to have been with Shintarou all this time, to have pulled him into hundreds of corners, to have traded thousands of rushed kisses between stage lights and scaffolding and costume racks. The thought of it made his skin hum for the rest of the day, and every time their hands brushed on the way home Juri shivered like it was a static shock.

He couldn't get Shintarou into bed fast enough by the time they were finally in his room, his family mercifully already asleep. If his mother had been awake to insist she feed them, Juri would have gone out of his mind. Instead he could push Shintarou up against his door as soon as it was shut, stealing a rough kiss that Shintarou was murmuring some kind of protest into, turning it messy. Juri couldn't get close enough, wanting the heat of Shintarou's skin against his own, wanting Shintarou's hands tight on his hips, his back, everywhere.

"Hey!" Shintarou had to push roughly to get Juri back far enough to talk. "Hey, calm down. Maybe we shouldn't…"

"Please," Juri said, hands already sliding up under Shintarou's layered shirts, making him wince with the cold. Shintarou's mouth was pinched but his cheeks were already flushed, his chest rising and falling just as unsteadily as Juri's. "I don't care, please, I just…want. Don't tell me no, please?"

"That's not fair," Shintarou hissed, looking angry, but that was hot too. Everything about Shintarou just made Juri want him more, and Juri was too exhausted to push it down anymore now that they were right here. Juri pressed close, dragging teeth up the front of Shintarou's throat, and Shintarou grabbed Juri's hips, shuddering. "I miss you."

"I'm right here, come on," Juri said, even though Shintarou hadn't been talking to him. It was close enough, for right now, and Juri slipped Shintarou's grip to throw his clothes to the floor, rushed like he couldn't stand wearing them a second longer. He flopped into bed, rolling over just in time to see Shintarou's shirt gone and his hands on the button of his jeans, looking right at Juri.

Juri didn't look away. Shintarou held his gaze the whole time he undid the button and dragged the zipper down, then pushed everything down his thighs, slow enough that Juri would have screamed with it if he could have gotten any air into his lungs. Shintarou was halfway hard already, all smooth muscles that Juri wanted to put his mouth all over, wanted to slide hands up the backs of his thighs and squeeze the curve of his ass. The self-confident way he stood, letting Juri look all he wanted, was nothing like the Shintarou Juri knew, but the strangeness of it was just as alluring as the flush spreading down his neck, creeping over his collarbones.

"You're so pretty," Shintarou said, almost pained, like the truth of it was too deep, and Juri realized that Shintarou wasn't posing for him, he was just distracted. Juri held out his arms, because if Shintarou didn't touch him in the next two seconds he was going to die.

"Come HERE," Juri ordered, as loud as he dared.

Shintarou didn't make him wait.

Making out always did Juri in, all lips and skin and hands, and Juri loved the way it drove all the thoughts from his head and narrowed his focus just to how good touch felt. With Shintarou it was that times ten, the heat of it just as good as taking a scalding bath when your muscles ached, except the part of Juri that ached was his heart, mostly. Juri rolled onto his back so that Shintarou was over top of him and then whimpered helplessly as Shintarou's weight pressed him into the mattress. Juri always loved that Shintarou was stronger and bigger than him and that feeling of safety was overwhelming like this, a knot pulled too tight for too long in Juri's chest. He wrapped arms around Shintarou's neck to cling, one leg curling around Shintarou's thigh. He thought about how he would let Shintarou do anything to him, anything.

"It's okay," Shintarou promised, dragging kisses across Juri's jaw and hair, soothing even though he probably didn't know why exactly Juri needed soothed. "Everything's fine, I promise."

"What?" A bubble of amusement popped in Juri's chest, releasing a fraction of the tension. "Are you kidding me, everything's fine?"

"Okay, yeah," Shintarou said, faintly embarrassed. "I just meant, I've got you. I want you to feel good, not be so…" Shintarou stroked his thumb over where Juri's teeth were clenched. Juri forced his jaw to relax, realizing how tightly he was wound up, almost vibrating with tension.

"It feels way too good, is the problem," Juri grumbled, trying to relax the other parts of himself. His leg stayed firmly curled around Shintarou's thigh, though. "What's going to happen when you leave? What'll happen if you're stuck?"

"I don't want to think about it for a while," Shintarou said, and at least they could agree on that. Juri let Shintarou kiss the thoughts out of his head again, so that he could only focus on Shintarou's tongue sliding along his lower lip and the tips of his fingers digging into the small of Juri's back.

"Why does that feel so good?" Juri asked, panting. Shintarou grinned and repeated the touch more deliberately, making Juri arch against his chest. "Fuck, Shin."

"Let me suck you off this time?" Shintarou asked, and Juri couldn't nod fast enough. He certainly wanted it way faster than Shintarou, who took his time working his way down Juri's chest, tugging Juri's nipple with his teeth, licking along the bottom edge of his ribs. When he nuzzled at Juri's navel, Juri buried his fingers in Shintarou's hair hand yanked, needing a grip on something. "I miss this piercing."

"Ohhh," Juri gasped, the image of Shintarou tugging a belly ring with his teeth making his cock throb.

Juri forgot about it when Shintarou finally, finally closed his mouth around Juri's dick, licking at the tip while he stroked Juri base-to-tip with one hand. Shintarou's hands were straight from hell, Juri thought hazily, strong and callused, so warm. Shintarou slid his mouth down further, and Juri thought he would melt, pushing up until Shintarou had to use both hands to hold his hips down flat to the mattress. When he pulled his mouth off and licked his lower lip, Juri nearly murdered him, glaring down at him, ruffled and on edge.

"Want to finish like this?" Shintarou asked, rubbing his cheek against Juri's shaft cutely, and Juri nearly came right into his hair from the blunt question. Would have served him right. "Or together?"

"Together," Juri said, sitting up to pull at Shintarou's shoulders. "Over top of me, please? I can, oh, I'll use my hands if you…yeah, like that," Juri sighed in relief as Shintarou settled on his elbows over top of Juri. Juri could still feel the weight of him this way, their faces within easy kissing distance, but Shintarou had enough of the weight on his elbows and knees that Juri could get both hands between them. It took both of his hands to wrap around their dicks, and the first slide of them against each other took Juri's breath away. "Shit, wait. I should catch you up."

"I'm pretty close," Shintarou admitted, chuckling against Juri's mouth. Juri made a puzzled noise, because he hadn't even touched Shintarou before. "You aren't the only one who likes doing that."

"That much?" Juri asked, but he really didn't care what the answer was, already lost to the feeling of rocking his hips so that Shintarou's dick slid along his own, still spit-slick enough for the first few seconds that it tore a low noise from his throat. "We should have…lube…"

"Just come, that'll fix it," Shintarou suggested. Juri shuddered, close anyway even before Shintarou started spouting dirty shit right in his ear. Shintarou kissed Juri deeply, stealing what little air he had, and then turned his head to lick at Juri's cartilage hoop. "Mm, I love all your piercings."

"Fuck," Juri whispered, stretched to the breaking point. He squeezed his eyes shut, hovering on the edge of orgasm until Shintarou snapped his hips and pushed him over. The shock of it spread from the base of Juri's spine all the way down to his toes, his fingers shaking as he tried to finish stroking himself off against Shintarou clumsily.

"Yeah, oh," Shintarou breathed, fucking himself forward into Juri's slack grip more intently. The slickness wouldn't last, so Juri tried to tighten his grip, but he was basically useless from pleasure and still shivering with aftershocks. Shintarou leaned to the side to get his own hand around them. Juri whined from overstimulation; Shintarou crushed his mouth over Juri's and finished himself off with rough, fast strokes, making even more of a mess between them than Juri had.

Juri didn't care. Juri liked the mess almost as much as he liked the desperate kissing that followed, arms back around Shintarou's neck and come-streaked hand buried in Shintarou's hair, skin sparking all over from the heat of them rubbing against each other helplessly. Shintarou rolled them over so Juri was sprawled over his chest, and Juri dug his knees into the mattress and rolled his hips like they were going to just keep going until they were both hard again, way too soon, way too much. He pulled away to look down at Shintarou, trying to catch his breath.

He lost it again anyway as soon as Shintarou's eyes fluttered open, the dark brown of them glassy from lust and focused only on him.

"Was it like that?" Juri asked. He wanted to know all the things that he'd missed by being so afraid. "The first time we did it?"

"Yeah. Well no," Shintarou amended. "I came so fast you still tease me about it. 2-Minute Morimoto, that's me."

"Oh my god," Juri gasped, burying his face in his hands to muffle his laughter, pushing his forehead against Shintarou's chest. "Shit, that's amazing."

"It wasn't my fault!" Shintarou protested, his indignation transparently fake. He rolled them onto their sides so he could cuddle Juri closer, an arm over Juri's shoulders, a knee between Juri's thighs. "I wanted you so much and I had the worst crush on you. They felt the same, the want and the liking. You told me you liked me too and I thought that you were definitely wrong, because you looked so happy to tell me, and I felt like I was going to die. I thought I was already in love with you."

"You weren't?" Juri asked, confused.

"It's nothing like how I love you now," Shintarou said gently. It was hard to look him in the eye, this Shintarou who could talk freely about his feelings, but Juri tried anyway. "It used to hurt, at first, like there wasn't enough space to fit both you and myself inside. Now, you're the place I can come back to when I'm hurt. You're home."

"Jesus fuck, why would you say that?" Juri demanded, tears already welling up. Shintarou pushed Juri's cheek down against his shoulder, rubbing the back of his neck and kissing his forehead.

"You asked," Shintarou pointed out, but he sounded guilty. "I bet it's the same, though. When he's back, you should ask him. I bet he'll tell you the same thing."

"I can't tell you how much worse that makes it," Juri said, voice muffled against Shintarou's shoulder. Whether Shintarou did or didn't understand him, he didn't answer. He rubbed slow circles against Juri's back until both of them were half asleep, and then he rolled Juri over to spoon snugly together.

"Tell me to move if you're too hot," Shintarou said. Juri murmured something noncommittal. He wasn't going to tell Shintarou to move even if he never slept again. Another slow minute passed. They should have turned off the light, but neither of them got up to do it. Eventually Shintarou said, "Maybe I'm still here because it wasn't just you that needed fixed."

"What?" Juri asked.

"I've been thinking about the group. My group," Shintarou corrected. "I've been thinking about how we weren't ready when we debuted. When I first saw you guys it was driving me crazy how you seem like you're taking your time way too slowly, but I think I get it now. Maybe we should have used more of our time. Maybe spending some of that time apart would have been better. We love each other, but during the hard parts we hurt each other a lot sometimes too, you know? It wasn't just Taiga and Hokuto. "

"You turned out all right," Juri said. He ran fingers up Shintarou's forearm where it was heavy over his chest. "Like you, in particular, you're a frontman there. You're confident. Here you didn't have the group's support, so it's a lot harder. You're getting better, but it didn't have to be that hard. We could have done better too. I could have…"

"I'm sure you did," Shintarou told him. "Even if you didn't tell him the whole thing, he definitely knows, or we wouldn't still be here."

"Oh, go to sleep," Juri said, over all of this talking. "No offense, but if you're gone in the morning, I won't cry over it." Shintarou chuckled, nosing at the back of Juri's neck, and they were quiet after that.

He was still there in the morning, but oh well, Juri thought. Trying not to die during Island first, relationship reality crisis second.

Basketball was definitely the first crisis.

"I can do it," Fukazawa insisted, crossing his arms. Iwamoto, Jesse, and Juri all looked down at his knee brace, then back up at him, unimpressed. "I can! Look, it's fine, it doesn't hurt that much. We've already changed this thing a hundred times! I don't want to learn it again!"

"Perfect, you're out, problem solved," Iwamoto said, turning away to the others to effectively shut Fukazawa out of the conversation. Fukazawa squawked in irritation, but they ignored him.

"Aw, just take it," Sakuma advised, marking something on his clipboard without looking up. He hated being forbidden to perform more than anyone, but he was well-versed in Iwamoto's stubborn protective streak. "You can wear my AD headset if you want?"

"Yes, please," Fukazawa said sulkily.

"We should at least practice the last trick without him," Iwamoto was saying. They all sighed heavily. It was the one that had the most people and biggest risk of getting hurt, and they'd changed it enough times that at least one of them forgot which version they were doing every time.

"I can do Fukka's part," Shintarou spoke up from behind them. Everyone turned to look at him. Shintarou was grinning broadly, wearing practice gear of track pants and a ratty Sexy Zones T-shirt from when they had backed last spring. Juri suppressed a snort. "I just got cleared to come back in."

"NO," Juri said loudly. "You cannot rejoin basketball! It's cursed!"

"Cuuuuuursed," Fukazawa grumbled, still adjusting his headset.

"Yeah, sorry, Shin-chan," Iwamoto agreed. "It's probably not the best idea to put you right back into—"

"Hey, guys," Watanabe said, jogging up, or doing something that would have been jogging if it weren't for the exaggerated limp. "So, um, Ryota's down. He's definitely out for basketball."

"What the fuck," Iwamoto hissed at nobody in particular.

"CUUUUUURSED," Fukazawa said again. Then, into the headset's mic, "No, that wasn't to you, sorry."

"Were you practicing that barrel flip again?" Iwamoto demanded. "Because I told both of you—"

"No, he." Watanabe bit his lip, trying valiantly not to laugh. "He might have tripped. Over his own feet. Trying on jeans that Gaya-senpai brought him." Watanabe gave up and cackled into his hand, the rest of them joining him. "Shh! Okay, okay," Watanabe shushed them, looking around as if expecting to find Miyadate listening in. "But the official story is that he re-fucked his already fucked knee giving me a mind-blowing blowjob, so you have to say that's what I told you, all right? Pinky swear."

Sakuma held up his pinky, still giggling helplessly, and Watanabe shook on it with him.

"Ugh, well, I guess you're in," Iwamoto said to Shintarou. Shintarou whooped while Juri groaned. "Unless we all just quit right now. I'm just saying, it's winter and hibernation is an option!"

They did a run-through with Shintarou included, and it went as smoothly as it ever did. Juri had no choice but to relax about it, because after that there was only forty-five minutes for lunch and warm-ups before the show, not to mention the show itself. At least there was only one show today, Juri told himself. Just one show couldn't do that much damage.

"You worry too much," Shintarou told Juri while they were strapping on their mic packs. "Be happy you get to do cool stuff like basketball. Juniors get to do a lot of fun shit, huh?" Shintarou gave a short, nostalgic sigh. "But I guess I'd be sad to give up my Shounen Club screen time and Omake corner."

"It's Shori's Omake corner here," Juri said, grinning when Shintarou straightened up and demanded to know how Sato fucking Shori had stolen his corner, entirely affronted. Casually making sure no one was watching them, Juri kissed Shintarou's cheek quickly. "For good luck. Please don't die."

"You were trying to get rid of me just last night," Shintarou pointed out, smile fond.

They almost made it too, almost. The basketball segment went smoothly for the first few strings of tricks, and Juri felt some of his nervous tension dissipate as he got more into the performance. Juri nailed a dunk he'd missed nearly every show and yelled "YEAAAAH" so loud into Jesse's face as they slapped a double high five that the whole first section laughed.

But then during the last trick, of course, Shintarou fumbled his landing on the mat, stumbling to his knees. Juri was already on the springboard when he saw it happen, too late to stop and distracted by trying to bounce the ball square off the backstop for Jesse behind him and thinking FUCK FUCK FUCK at least fourteen times in the half a second it took for him to crash-land right on top of Shintarou's panicked face.

Juri definitely hit his head, whether against Shintarou's head, or the floor or what, he didn't know. Everything was dark and he couldn't breathe and his ears were ringing and somebody was shaking him, making everything spin crazily. He had no idea whether it lasted five seconds or five minutes, but when he finally got his lungs to draw in the first breath of air, it burned as if he'd been on the bottom of the pool for longer than was safe.

The ringing in his ears resolved into shouting, Jesse hollering for the medic and Iwamoto on the sound system trying to be heard over the audience, and Shintarou repeating his name over and over. Juri opened his eyes and had to shut them again, the lights dizzying and too bright. He tried again, more cautiously. His head throbbed. "Shin?"

Shintarou was looming over him, eyes wide and panicked. "Juri! Thank fuck, you scared the shit out of me! What am I even doing here? I can't remember anything since like…I went to do the flip and…"

"Shin?" Juri asked in a whisper, too afraid for a second to hope that it was true. But somehow he knew that it was the real Shintarou looking down at him, blinking in lingering panic and confusion. Juri launched himself up, ignoring the sickening vertigo and the grating pain in his wrist, wrapping his arms tightly around Shintarou's neck and pulling himself up far enough to kiss Shintarou hard on the mouth.

For a second, Shintarou was frozen, and then his arms wrapped tight around Juri's waist and he was kissing back. It felt like a miracle to Juri, like a crazy dream. Distantly, he could hear a lot of commotion from everyone else on the stage, but it seemed so much less important than the press of Shintarou's mouth against his.

Juri pulled back just far enough to tell a stunned Shintarou, "I love you. I should have told you forever ago. We can make up for lost time, right?"

Shintarou grinned like Juri was a miracle too. "Me too. I couldn't tell you at all." He kissed Juri again, Juri's fingers gripping his hair tightly, and they didn't come up for air until the backstage medic demanded in some exasperation whether he should come back in ten minutes or what.

They had to sit in the wings while the show went on around them, Juri too dizzy to walk. Even when the ambulance came, Juri refused to let go of Shintarou's hand. He'd learned his lesson that last time, and this time he wasn't letting go.

They both ended up in the hospital overnight, Shintarou with a real concussion this time, Juri with a sprained wrist and two cracked ribs. The night nurse shooed Juri out of Shintarou's room twice, but he just waited until she was settled at the desk watching a late night drama and then snuck back over. They pressed together on their sides in Shintarou's small hospital bed, face to face, talking quietly. Juri didn't think that Shintarou would believe any of his story about what had happened in the last week, but Shintarou listened to the whole thing without interruption.

"You don't believe me, right?" Juri asked when he finished. "Who could believe any of that?"

"Something must have happened," Shintarou answered. He brushed fingers along Juri's cheekbone and down his jaw. "For you to confess suddenly."

"Nn. Nothing happened to you really?" Juri asked. "You were gone over a week." He was somehow disappointed by this; he'd been hoping Shintarou would have some stories about their alternate debuted group, or at least about being forced to be a frontman, the kind they'd all thought he'd be when he was thirteen. He was still wearing the Sexy Zone T-shirt from when they brought him in, and Juri fingered the lettering on the front, trying to picture it for himself.

"I don't remember anything." Shintarou's breath hitched when Juri leaned in to kiss along the edge of his jaw. "Mm. Don't start anything you can't finish with a sprained wrist."

Juri's dangerous grin was the only warning Shintarou had before Juri shoved him onto his back, barely managing to flip them in the narrow space without rolling one or both of them off the bed and bringing every nurse on the floor running. They would have gotten an eyeful if they had come, because Juri was already sliding down to kneel between Shintarou's legs.

"I can do a lot better than that," Juri promised, pushing at Shintarou's hip until he sat up more, against his pillows.

It was awkward because of the space and Juri being forced to use his non-dominant hand, but it was still good, more than good enough for a first time. Shintarou stared down at Juri, wide-eyed, jaw clenched with the effort of keeping quiet. When he came, he threw his head back against the wall with a dull thunk, that had Juri scrambling up, trying not to cough as he crawled into Shintarou's lap to run fingers over the back of his head.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry," he whispered, feeling like a moron. There was a big lump on the back of Shintarou's head, but it might have been the same one as from before.

"It's fine," Shintarou told him, wrapping arms around Juri's waist and hugging him tightly. He buried his face in the front of Juri's shirt and inhaled deeply; Juri shivered, trying to ignore how he was still entirely turned on from blowing Shintarou. "I can touch you too, right?"

"N-no," Juri protested, stuttering because Shintarou was already doing it, slipping his hand into Juri's pajama pants. "Stop it, I should go get the nurse to give you more icehahhhhh." Juri had to bite down hard on his lip as Shintarou stroked him firmly up and down once, getting his bearings.

"Don't talk about sexy nurses when you're with me," Shintarou scolded, but when he tilted his face up to look at Juri, his smile was warm, so happy. "I've been thinking about doing this for so long, it barely seems real. What you'd feel like in my hand. How warm you'd be. What you'd sound like."

"Stop it," Juri hissed, grabbing Shintarou's shoulders for support, already on edge. Shintarou did not stop it, either whispering idiotic things or jerking Juri off with tight, perfect strokes, and Juri came apart, shuddering and spilling over Shintarou's hand.

"Wow," Shintarou teased, giving Juri a last squeeze before gingerly pulling out his messy hand. "Really?"

"Two minute Tanaka, that's me," Juri said without thinking, then froze because fuck everything that nickname totally worked both ways. He slithered down to the bed and buried his face in Shintarou's T-shirt, whining in embarrassment while Shintarou groped for a tissue to wipe himself off. "You can't tell anybody this story."

"I'm telling everyone we know," Shintarou said, hugging Juri tightly, rubbing his cheek against Juri's hair. "As soon as my hand dries off, I'm texting both our moms."

"That's not faiiiiiiiir," Juri whined, wriggling, but not hard enough to push Shintarou away. "I've been waiting like six hundred years to do that with you! Ugh, you're the worst."

"I'm concussed, I have an excuse," Shintarou said. They were both relaxed by then, Shintarou's heartbeat against Juri's cheek and the ticking of the wall clock the only sounds. Juri didn't want to fall asleep, afraid in the morning the entire thing would evaporate, but his eyelids were heavy and kept trying to close. His wrist was starting to hurt again, and Juri wished it smelled only like Shintarou's deodorant and them and not so much like the hospital in here. He wished he hadn't waited so long.

But maybe it was all right that he had.

"Hey," Juri said. Shintarou made a sleepy noise. "You love me?"

"Of course I do." Shintarou's voice was steady, his fingers squeezing Juri's tightly. "I have forever. You're home."

Juri's heart stopped, and then he threw himself onto his elbow for a rough, clinging kiss, and of course that was when the nurse came back and really kicked him out of Shintarou's room.

"If you put one toe out of your room, I'm calling your mother," the nurse scolded as she hustled Juri past the nurse's station.

"She already knows," Juri grumbled, embarrassed and irritated by the thought of sleeping alone.

"Everybody on the floor knows, honey!" a younger nurse called from the station, making Juri's cheeks flame as the older nurse hollered over her shoulder to tell her off.


Epilogue

"Shin, please be okay, please…"

Juri's voice was the first thing Shintarou was aware of, distant and strangely warbley, as if Shintarou were under water. His eyelids felt so heavy, but it seemed important to lift them, to let Juri know he was okay, because Juri sounded terrified.

The next thing he was aware of was a dull pain in the back of his skull, and a sharp one somewhere further down, maybe his butt? When he got his eyes open, the lights made the pain in his head go from dull to roaring. Shintarou had to squeeze his eyes shut again, moaning.

"He's awake!" Juri yelled. "I think…" Shintarou moaned weakly. "Yeah, he's awake. Can you hear me? Squeeze my hand."

Shintarou managed that much, weakly. He peeled his tongue away from the roof of his mouth; that hurt too, as if he'd bitten it. "What happened?"

"I fell on you," Juri said. Shintarou opened his eyes again, more slowly, squinting at Juri's guilty, worried expression. Shintarou wanted to hug him, but he still couldn't move much. "From the rope trick. You tried to catch me, stupid, why would you do that?"

It came back in fragmented pieces. They were on the stage at Yokohama Arena. It was their anniversary concert. Juri's member color was green and his costume suit had a puff of feathers big enough to seduce a peahen. Shintarou had been holding the rope at the bottom, the twirler for the trick where Juri swung by his wrist. Shintarou had been watching, he always watched Juri closely, so he saw just when the strap had come loose.

His body had moved under Juri's before his brain had had a chance to catch up, arms already up to catch him, curling in to protect Juri from their crash to the floor.

"Are you okay?" Shintarou asked. Juri's expression turned angry at the question, like he wanted to grab Shintarou and shake him half to death.

"I'm fine, of course," he spat. Shintarou slumped back against the floor, relieved. Jesse appeared in Shintarou's vision, leaning over him to see for himself.

"Medic's coming," he said. "I'm sick of seeing that guy's face, you know? How are you? Is this a hospital trip?"

"Why are you wearing orange?" Shintarou asked, squinting at Jesse's suit. "Why aren't you wearing red?"

"Because you're wearing red, captain," Jesse reminded, standing up. Shintarou tilted his head with a frown and, oh right, he was red. "Oh yeah, it's hospital time. Again."

"This show is fucking cursed," Juri muttered.

"At least it's not basketball," Shintarou said, eyeing the way Juri winced when Shintarou squeezed his hand. Jesse yelled for the medic to just call the ambulance already while Juri peered down at Shintarou narrowly as if trying to x-ray his skull for himself. "Your wrist's sprained."

"What do you know?" Juri asked. He switched hands, the metal of his ring digging into Shintarou's skin when Juri gripped too tightly. Shintarou tried to sit up and Juri pushed him back down, gritting his teeth as he accidentally used his hurt hand again. "Don't move. I can't believe we're going to have our Christmas Eve date in the fucking hospital."

"It's still Christmas?" Shintarou asked, not quite back on local time yet. "I didn't miss it!"

"And I'm dating Scrooge, that's just perfect." Juri heaved a sigh. "Fuck, you scared me. My heart's still racing. If you have a real concussion and can't perform for DVD filming I am going to literally murder you, do you understand me? I am going to murder you with that shitty inflatable penlight that you think is so cool. Idiot."

"I missed you," Shintarou said, the weight of it crushing his chest suddenly. He was back. He was home. "So much."

"I'm right here," Juri said, looking more alarmed. "What are you talking about?"

"I'll tell you later." Shintarou fought to keep his eyes open, suddenly exhausted, limp with relief. Juri would probably think he'd hallucinated the whole thing, but Shintarou doubted his brain had the power to come up with something as complicated as all that, much less while injured. He squeezed Juri's hand. "Don't let go."

"Of course not," Juri brushed him off. "Never."

"Not in any universe?" Shintarou asked. Juri rolled his eyes like he thought Shintarou was teasing, but he said "Never" again, just as firm, and Shintarou believed from experience that it was true. "Oh hey, remind me to tell Hoku and Kyomocchan the thing about the chains."

"Kyomocchan?" Juri asked, wrinkling his nose. "Fuck, you definitely have a concussion."