Back to Chapter 4 – Part 1


- - + NINOMIYA KAZUNARI + - -


Nino – as he's called from most people living in this house – finds himself wandering through the wooden corridors of a grand Japanese mansion after he finished his cleaning duties for the morning. His bare feet feel nice on the sun-warmed floor and the birds' singing from the gardens adds to the pleasant atmosphere. He feels some excitement, not really knowing where it comes from exactly, but when his stroll ends in front of a room and he opens the door to the house’s library, his heart jumps a little.

Carefully looking around to check that nobody sees him going inside, he finally pushes the wooden paper door aside and enters the room. He takes in the surroundings more closely; bookshelves lining each wall of the room, more shelves are standing in between. It is a quiet place, the quietest in the whole residence and it's his secret shelter that he visits whenever there is a little time left or when he was scolded by someone and wants to distract his frustrated mind.

He turns around two times and finds himself in front of the shelf that holds his most favourite book. He reaches his hand out and takes the old looking book in his hands. It surely was read a hundred times already. The picture on the front cover shows a woman in a glorious kimono, a small bamboo grove next to her and above, a full, bright shining moon. Yes, this is Nino's favourite story and he feels the unbearable urge to read it. But when he opens the book and lays his eyes on the first page, he surprisingly has to find out that he cannot read it. The kanji are too difficult. He finds a few characters here and there that look familiar, but his mind is puzzled.

His look falls onto his hands and he just realizes how small they look. He touches his face, he doesn't feel a trace of hair. He must be a young teenager, maybe 11, 12 years old; maybe that is why he cannot read those difficult words yet.

"Nino," he suddenly hears a familiar voice from behind him.

He whirls around and immediately recognizes the boy's face who showed up behind him with a smile on his face, even if he's much younger than the one he knows. Sakurai Sho. No… not exactly. Sakurai Shota, that’s it.

"Young Lord!" the young boy blushes and quickly hides the book he's holding in his hands behind his back, facing his lord. "I – I'm so sorry, I know I shouldn't be here, I just…"

"What are you doing?" the other boy asks curiously, his voice friendly, as if he doesn't consider at all to scold the younger.

"Oh, it's nothing, I just…"

"Don't worry, I'm not here to scold you and I won't tell anybody," the young lord assures the boy. "Let me see what's behind your back."

Nino slowly pulls out the book and holds it to the other, looking at him shyly.

"Ah, the story of Kaguya-hime," Lord Shota says, smiling, letting his fingers glide over the colourful book cover. "You like books, don't you?"

Nino nods, embarrassed. "Yes, I do. I… I want to learn more about those stories that you're telling me."

He remembers the scenes when he is on cleaning duties in the corridors or in some rooms and it happens that the young lord is often present too, sitting there to watch over the young servant, telling him from fantastic stories that he reads in his books.

"Can you read?" Shota asks.

Nino blushes. Now, he remembers why it's so hard for him to decipher those characters. "Just a little bit. My parents sent me to school for about a year but then they couldn't afford it any longer, I had to help with work."

"It's a pity…," Shota says, tilting his head while flapping through the pages of the book before he looks up to meet Nino's eyes, making the other gasp slightly. "You know what? Maybe I can teach you."

"What?! Really?" Nino exclaims, surprised, his heart skipping a beat. "But young Lord, I'm just a servant, I cannot accept that! You can't waste your precious time with me on something like that..."

"I don't see it as a waste of time," Shota replies. "I want to help you enjoy books on your own if that's what you wish for," he flashes him a sincere smile. "And furthermore, I consider you as a friend, not only as a servant. At least, I want us to become friends."

"That's too much, young Lord, you're too generous," the young servant bows his head, his flushed face hidden behind the black bangs and he hopes, the other doesn't see his excitement.

"Can't we call each other by our given names?" the other boy asks, casually.

"Our given names?!" Nino stares at him before he adds in a low voice. "Like among real friends?"

"Yes," the young lord nods enthusiastically. "Call me Shota. And I'll call you Kazu. If you don't mind."

"I – I don't mind at all, really!" the boy answers, his heart starting to race as the other spoke his name, a nickname nobody called him with since he left the house of his parents. "But… people will find it strange and they'll think I don't have any respect toward you."

"Hm… then let's say we use those names only when we're on our own."

"Like a secret?" Nino whispers.

"Yes, our secret."

Nino feels the smile on his lips and the warmth spreading in his heart.

- + -

The years go by, and after a jump in time, Nino finds himself in his mid-teens, growing up. He's still living in the Sakurai's mansion, he's still Shota's servant and still they are friends. Best friends. Nino feels the bond between them growing stronger with each day. He's happy to be able to see this boy growing up into a young man and he's grateful that he's allowed to be part of his life. There is nothing left from the fear that he once felt when he came to this house as a young boy, hiding underneath the camellia bush in the gardens because he's scared about his new surroundings and terrified over being separated from his parents.

Shota has always been nice to him and the other servants. Nino is convinced that he's the most friendly and most pure hearted young lord this world has ever seen and swears to follow him for the rest of his life. For a very long time he doesn't think that he is something special to Shota, when the other treats him nicely, smiles at him lovingly and helps him by teaching him to read all those difficult words and explore the most wonderful stories. Nino tries not to think too much about it, he doesn't want those feelings in his heart that he doesn't really understand to grow too big but of course, when he realizes that he's falling in love with his lord, it's too late already.

They still meet in the library at nights, on a more or less regular basis, depending on how busy people in the house are, since they want to keep it a secret. Nino treasures those moments, they are the moments he looks forward to the most when he wakes up in the morning in the servants' room and when he sees Shota looking at him with his usual friendly smile, he just cannot help but wish that the other young man is looking forward to their secret meetings too.

His heart beats faster as soon as he hears the library's door slide open and someone is getting closer to the small table in the furthest corner in the back of the room, hidden by the shelves and only lit with a small candle to provide a little light for reading. His heart stops beating when the young lord turns around the last corner, sometimes carrying a new book, sometimes bringing along a few snacks that the servants usually never get to eat. He remembers to breathe again when Shota puts his hand onto his shoulder friendlily as he kneels down beside him and puts his stuff onto the table.

There are times when Shota leaves Nino alone for a little while in order not to disturb the other with some small writing and reading practices, and goes searching for new interesting books that they have not read together yet. It's during one of those practice nights, when things between them change.

Nino is focusing on writing some kanji, biting his lips and frowning in concentration. Shota must be somewhere behind him, browsing through the shelves but Nino is too focused to listen to the noises the other might cause, as he does sometimes just because he wants to make sure that the other didn't leave and is still around him. Suddenly, he feels a presence behind him, assuming it's his young lord and it's just as he wants to turn around and look at him, when two arms wrap around his body and he feels the other young man leaning close from behind, burying his face on the young servant's shoulder.

He almost hits over the small stone with black ink from the surprise and he stiffens, not able to move, when Shota presses closer to him. He can feel the warmth of the young man's body, he can feel the slight trembling of his arms wrapped around his shoulders from behind and he thinks he can even feel the strong heartbeat against his back.

"Please, don't hate me or anything for doing this, Kazu," the young lord whispers. "I just can't hold it back any longer."

Nino doesn't react, too busy trying not to forget how to breath and he just listens to the other's words.

"You might not know it but I really like you. I mean, a lot. More than I like anybody else. I want you to belong to me, to be mine, only mine and I'm not talking about a lord – servant relationship," Shota continues and Nino's heart is beating faster and faster. "Do you know what this means?"

Finally, the young servant shows a reaction, even if it's just a tiny, shy nod, since he's still not able to speak. He feels a little dizzy, this cannot be true...

Shota loosens the embrace a little bit just to give Nino the room to finally turn around to face him. They look into each other's eyes and Nino is sure that he must be as red as the camellia outside in the gardens, judging from how hot his face feels.

When Shota leans forward, Nino instinctively closes his eyes and their lips meet halfway when Nino reaches his hands to put them around the young lord's neck while the other circles his arms around Nino's waist, pulling him closer.

- + -

It takes quite a bit of his courage before Nino is able to enter the kitchen which the small handwritten message on the bed has indicated. He takes a deep breath, tries to forget all those feelings and images of his dream. His heart is racing and he still feels highly confused. His dream has felt so real, so damned real, more like a memory than an actual dream but how is this possible? Did Sakurai's (and Ohno's) chatter about all this soulmate and reincarnation stuff even follow him into his dreams now? Still, the young man doesn't believe that those things are real so he's convinced that his brain is just pranking him. Nevertheless, like this, he'll barely be able to behave normal in front of Sakurai now. Just yesterday he told him that they are only friends. How pathetic would it look like if he throws his arms around his neck now, eager to kiss him, just because he still feels this incredible urge to do so, just like in that silly dream?

As expected, the scene in the kitchen is embarrassing, not only facing the other man – trying to play the situation down and starting to picker with him – but also having to defend his and Sakurai's innocently spent night in front of the assistant professor's roommate. Nino has a hard time not to drown in shame mentally, but he's pretty sure he can display an – at least a bit more – confident figure. Maybe. The breakfast tastes unbelievably good and the student wonders why this is and why he's so freaking happy to receive a self-made breakfast by the other man. He tries not to look at Sakurai too often while the three guys are eating and their eyes meet only twice, but it's enough to make Nino nervous.

He and Sakurai walk to the campus together, it's really not far from the young man's apartment. On their way, they pass some of Nino's fellow students from Sakamoto's course who greet them and when Nino sees Ohno sitting on one of the campus benches, a magazine on his knees, he waves at him friendlily. The other smiles back at him.

Classes go by pretty fast and Sakurai joins Nino's lunch break as if it's the most natural thing in the world. Nino's heart does some strange things when he sees the assistant professor approaching his table with his food tray and a wide charming smile on his face. The young student cannot refuse when Sakurai asks if he might join him and he seriously wonders for how long he might be able to withstand the other. And if it's even necessary.

- + -

"Mom?" Nino opens the door to his house in the evening, pulling off his shoes in the entrance area. "Mom, I'm back home."

It doesn't take long until the woman comes running, an apron over her clothes. Seems that she's busy with making dinner. "Kazu! How are you?" she asks, worried.

He tilts his head. "Fine, thanks, and you?"

His mother sighs before she knits her brows in furrow. "Don't "you" me! Why didn't you call me?!" now she sounds upset and Nino tries to hide the rolling of his eyes. He knew this is coming.

"Maybe, because I was busy at university?" he states, putting down his shoulder bag.

"What about in the morning?" his mother asks snippily. "Your friend said you'd call me when you wake up."

"I was busy…," Nino sighs. "Preparations and such, you know?"

"So you couldn't just call for a minute or send me a message? Do you know how worried I was? I heard your back was hurting!"

"Mom, I'm no longer a 10 year old who has to call you every two hours to inform you where I am, or am I?!" the son complains. "And the pain is gone now, so no need to worry."

Nino bends down to lift his bag again. He wants to enter the corridor, heading for his room but suddenly, his mother blocks his way. He frowns at her, questioning.

"So, is there something you have to tell me?" the woman finally asks. She sounds a bit strange.

Of course, Nino knows what she's talking about, even if he preferred not to start a conversation about that topic, so he tries to avoid it. "What do I have to tell you?"

Of course, it's hopeless. "Keiko-chan called me yesterday. She was crying."

"Yeah… that…," he bites his lower lips and shrugs his shoulders, leisurely.

"Did you really break up with her?" his mother asks, her voice sounding a bit sad and Nino hates it, because he knows that she must be more hurt about the situation than he actually is.

"I told you, I think it's better if we-," he tries, but his mother does not seem to be willing to listen to him.

"How could you?" she asks, shaking her head slightly.

Nino feels a rush of anger running through his body. Not only that it's really not his mother's business, he also just doesn't want others to pity his ex-girlfriend, just as he doesn't want others to pity him because of a failed relationship. They have to face reality, they will not have a future, that's how simple it is and that's why he decided to break up. He doesn't expect Keiko to immediately accept it but going to cry to his mother behind his back, now that was really low.

"The poor girl…," his mother murmurs.

"What about your poor son?!" the student explodes. "Yes, I'm sorry for Keiko if she's really that sad now but believe me, it's better this way. We both weren't happy any longer in this relationship."

"I think, you're the only one thinking this way, Kazu," his mother chimes in. "Keiko says, she thinks you cheated on her, is it true?"

"She's still saying that shit?" Nino chuckles.

"Watch your language, young man," his mother points at him with a serious face.

"And you even believe that shit? You believe her more than your own son?" he doesn’t get it. "Thanks, Mom! Just for your information, I never cheated on her or anyone else in my whole life!"

"What about that… friend of yours from university?"

"Which friend are you talking about? And why do you emphasize that word so strangely all the time?!" If she wants to play games, then she got Nino on the wrong foot today. He's definitely not in the mood for such things now.

"Come on, you know exactly who I'm talking about!" she bites back.

Well... Nino knows who he is thinking about right now in this connection, even if it has nothing to do with cheating, but he doesn't know who his mother might be talking about. She doesn't know Sakurai. Oh, wait, she does. From that phone call, right?

"I mean that guy who picked up your phone instead of you when you were sleeping yesterday," she answers. Yes, Nino was right.

"You mean Sakurai?"

"Yes," she nods.

Nino sighs. Well, he didn't see this conversation coming and he almost can't believe that he's asking the following question for real. "What makes you think that I cheated on Keiko with Sakurai?" he doesn't even let his mother answer, it's just too ridiculous that she even might come up with this idea. "Oh my God," he mumbles. "We're... just friends."

But his mother doesn't let him go so easily. "She said she saw you together with him quite a lot since the beginning of the semester. And that this man is flirting with you quite obviously."

Nino tilts his head. Maybe, he's too honest but how will lying help at this point? "Well… it seems he likes me."

The woman buries her face in her hands for a few seconds, shaking her head slightly and Nino frowns wondering until she finally looks at him again, her face even more serious than before, close to despair. "Kazu, this is dangerous, you shouldn't spend time with such a man, really!"

"Why? What are you talking about?" he wonders seriously.

"And you?" his mother asks, ignoring his question, her voice turning a bit hysteric. "Are you one of those people too?"

"One of those people?" Nino lets out a desperate chuckle. He can't believe his ears. "Seriously, Mom-"

"Answer me, Kazu," the woman demands. "I'm asking you if you're one of those gay people."

"What?! Mom, I'm not... it's just-," well, what is it just?

"This man, he's obviously gay!"

Well, most likely, yeah, Sakurai is gay. "And? Is this a problem?" Nino asks, shooting an unnerved look at his mother.

Obviously, it is, judging from her disgusted look. Nino's heart cringes. The thought alone that his mother or any other person might find Sakurai disgusting, just because he's gay, makes him feel sick. He's seriously surprised by his mother's reaction. It's true, Nino never thought of himself as being gay and the topic was never before big in his household. However, it would be a lie if he says that he doesn't at least consider the possibility of being gay himself during the last few hours… or days. It might be a first time for him to allow his mind to think in this direction. Up to now, he was far from it. He told Sakurai that he's not into men, but things change, people change, or maybe... he never changed and is just starting to discover and understand his true self, finally.

"Do you like that man?" his mother asks, sincerely.

Nino doesn't really know how to answer. And he doesn't know any longer how to deal with his own mother, seeing her opposed reaction. It makes him insecure, so damned insecure. "Mom, I-"

"You like him, right?"

"I…," still, the words are stuck in his throat.

"You cannot deny it?!" she asks, hysterically. "Oh my God…," she touches her forehead and she sounds like her world is crushing down. "I can't believe it, my own son is gay…"

"MOM!" the student can feel the rejection stabbing his heart and it hurts so damned much that he has no words for it.

His mother just starts shaking her head slightly while she lifts her gaze to her son, despair visible in her eyes. "No wonder that things with Keiko didn't work out… oh, poor girl, it must be such a shock, she must feel so betrayed… "

Another stab.

"Mom, can you please stop this now?!" Nino asks, his throat feeling all choked up.

"I thought, I brought you up well…," the woman continues. The hell, are those tears in her eyes?! "What will your father say?"

"That's what you care about?" her son asks in disbelief. He's hurt deeply by his mother's behaviour and the disappointment makes him – maybe a bit too - emotional. "You know what? Tell him what you want, I don't care. Tell him, his son is probably gay! I don't care what you think about it or what he will think about it, I'm leaving," he bursts out and turns on his heel, bending down in the entrance area again to put back on his shoes.

He already reaches at the door handle when his mother takes a step toward her son. "Kazu, where are you going?"

He turns around, shooting her a death glare. "I don't know, visiting a gay bar maybe?!"

"Don't you dare-"

He tops his previous comment with even more sarcasm and he really hopes his mother gets it. "I can go sell my body to dirty old men? That's what you think about gay people, right? That they do dirty things with dirty people."

"They aren't normal, Kazu, you have to understand this," his mother comes closer, reaching her hand to Nino's arm. "This Sakurai guy, he will hurt you! He's just playing with your feelings, he's a pervert, he just wants to get you in his bed!"

Nino can't believe the level of ignorance that his mother's words bear, he had no idea that this is what she's thinking about the whole topic. "Oh, I've been there already. Because he was so nice to let me sleep in his bed when my back was hurting and I couldn't move, not because he's a pervert! But now that you say so, maybe I go straight back to him and let him rape me, then you don't have to fear about the virginity of your son's ass anymore and you know what? I would even enjoy it! He's nice! And not dirty at all, he's damned handsome!"

"Kazu!" his mother shrieks, aghast.

"You think that gay people are less worth than straight people, don't you?" her son continues and he knows that what he's going to say will hurt her but she insulted Sakurai, he just cannot accept it. "But I tell you that people like Sakurai are worth much more than people like you who take the liberty to judge about one's life style just because of their sexual orientation."

"Kazu, I'm sorry, listen, I-"

No, no matter what she would say now, nothing can take back what she said, or how she behaved. Nino is fed up. "No, Mom, I heard enough of this. I'm leaving. Don't call me."

Nino smashes the door behind him, running onto the streets, his shoes only half tied. He quickly adjusts his shoulder bag so that he at least doesn't lose it on his way. He's furious. He can't believe the conversation he just had with his mother. He cannot remember when he has been this hurt and disappointed with her in his whole life. How can she insult Sakurai just like this? She doesn't even know him, they only exchanged a few words on the phone and Nino is pretty sure that Sakurai was polite with her. How can she take Keiko's side when her son breaks up with a girl whom he's unhappy with in a relationship? And how can she look at her son with such disgust and blame herself for not bringing him up well? Nino doesn't even know if he's gay, or if he's just fascinated by Sakurai, but hearing his mother talk like this doesn't only hit his humanity, it also hit his own heart. She rejected him. A possibility of him. She let her son down.

The student just realizes that he doesn't really know where to go when he finds himself at the train station waiting for the next train back to town. He doesn't have many friends, at least not close ones who he may want to bother now to ask them for a place to stay for a while. He broke up with Keiko, so her house isn't an option any longer either, of course. At the back of his mind, of course, there is Sakurai. Sakurai's apartment, it will be possible, maybe. At least Nino is sure the assistant professor won't send him away. He likes the student too much. But is it right of Nino to make use of that fact? Is he using Sakurai and his feelings for him when he shows up in front of him again? He's still not sure how he feels about him, he doesn't want to create hope in the other if he's not sure that he will be able to live up to it…

The young man is seriously troubled. He feels lost, as if he doesn't have any place to go. Suddenly, he's all alone in this world, he feels empty. Just as empty as he met before. Before he met Sakurai...

- + -

"Ninomiya, what a nice surprise!" Sakurai exclaims with a wide smile on his face, his eyes sparkling. "What guides you here, did you miss me that much?"

The young assistant professor smirks and throws Nino a wink and if the student had been in a better mood, he might chuckle and slap the guy's shoulder now. But he's in a very bad mood and he's still torn between his twisted feelings about showing up here. However, this is the only thing he can think about right now. That he wants to be here and nowhere else.

He insecurely averts his eyes and bows slightly. "I'm sorry to bother you again but… I just had a severe fight with my mom and… I cannot think of any other place to go…"

"Oh...," Sakurai says, surprised. "Well… then come in, let's talk."

Nino nods thankfully and follows Sakurai into his apartment, the same warmth spreading through the place, a place where gay people aren't hated, a place where everyone will be accepted with open arms, no matter who or what they are. Nino waves friendlily at Aiba who is sitting in the living room in front of the TV and giving him a surprised look – he surely didn't expect such a fast reunion either – and follows Sakurai when the man leads him to his room where he offers him a place to sit down on the bed.

Papers are spread on the desk, indicating that the assistant professor is working on something, most likely preparations for tomorrow's class, Nino thinks. He feels a bit guilty. Maybe he better didn't come here. The assistant professor sits down on his chair again, but the other way round, bedding his crossed arms on the backrest and facing Nino.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you're busy, I didn't want to disturb you," Nino says a bit nervously. "Shall I leave you alone? I can join Aiba-san in the living room, or just sit here and be quiet, I swear, you won't even feel my presence," he offers, pointing at the direction of the living room.

"Don't be silly, you're no disturbance at all," Sakurai flashes him a smile and Nino almost melts on the spot, his heartbeat rushing his ears. He's quite sure that he is blushing right now and so he lifts his hand to try hiding his face a little.

"What happened with your mom, do you want to talk about it?" Sakurai asks after a few seconds of silence, concerned.

"Ah...," Nino blushes again. He didn't intend to bother the other with his problem. "I'm not sure…"

"You're not bothering me, if that's what you think, really," Sakurai says, obviously he's able to read Nino's thoughts. "Maybe I can help."

Or at least parts of it. Nino chuckles slightly desperate. "I fear you won't be able to help."

The student wants to avoid admitting that Sakurai was part of the whole problem, maybe even the trigger for everything. Not that Nino blames him, he just realizes the importance of Sakurai's presence in this situation and it's not Sakurai's fault but it's Nino's doing that he let Sakurai's presence grow so much in importance to his life, so fast. Shall he blame it on that weird but oh-so real feeling dream?

"Is it something embarrassing?"

Nino shakes his head before he slightly tilts it. "No, not at all. Well, my mother acted very embarrassing I have to say. She really disappointed me…"

"That sounds more severe than just a normal family fight," Sakurai dares pointing out, frowning at Nino.

"Well, yeah, I guess," he says, dropping his look onto his knees. "I found something that might break it… my family."

"What is it?"

The student looks back at Sakurai, hesitating if he should really tell him but in the end, he just lets it out. "My parents seem to be fucking homophobic people. And I hate it!"

"...Oh," Sakurai sounds surprised and looks at the other man with big eyes.

"I mean, it's not even that," Nino quickly adds, not sure if he expressed himself in the best way, Sakurai maybe misunderstanding and so he bursts out into blubbering, hoping that his point might get clear. "I mean, it's not like I came out and they didn't accept me, to be honest, I don't know what I am but she suspected me of cheating on my girlfriend with you and then she started to insult you because you're probably gay – that's just my assumption, I'm sorry if I'm wrong. I got so damned angry and I felt so hurt when I heard all this shit leaving her mouth… I just couldn't take it any longer and so I yelled at her and told her that you're a nice person and… left."

Sakurai blinks. "Oh wow," he finally says, obviously flabbergasted by the sudden flood of words. "Now this is really something. Do you feel better now that you let it all out?"

Nino sighs, tilting his head. "Maybe a little bit."

"You want to talk about it?" the assistant professor offers.

"About what exactly?" Nino wonders, knowing that there were too many possible discussion worthy topics hanging in the air between them now.

Sakurai shifts a little on his chair, "First things first, to clarify, yes, I'm gay. And I'm proud of it. And I'm used to it that there are still some people thinking that it might be strange or disgusting, but I honestly don't care," he shrugs his shoulders, in demonstration. "And you shouldn't care either but thank you very much for defending me," he smiles.

Nino blushes.

"Second," the assistant professor continues, "maybe we should talk about you being hurt by her words to such an extent. I don't want to wildly assume things but I think if there isn't at least the possibility of you being gay, or bi, you might not have been so hurt."

Nino thinks for a while, this is exactly what's bothering him all the time, to be honest. He crosses his arms. "...Maybe that's right," he finally admits, averting Sakurai's eyes.

"You feel rejected by her, don't you?"

Nino nods.

"I can see that it hurts to feel rejected by the woman who raised you," Sakurai says, understanding. Even if it doesn't make things better, Nino is somehow glad that someone seems to understand his feelings.

"I just didn't know that she's so narrow minded and…"

"You're confused," the assistant professor concludes. "That's why your argument escalated."

"I guess, yes."

"I don't know the exact words she used to hurt you so I don't know the extent of your pain either but, let me tell you from my experience, give her a little time," Sakurai starts, giving his most honest advice to the young man. "Let her get used to the idea and sort her feelings and then she'll get back to you and you'll be able to talk about it like adults."

"You think so? She sounded so… I don't know," Nino sighs, seriously worried.

The other smiles at him, encouragingly. "Believe me, sometimes a little time is everything it takes to make people understand."

"I hope so. I don't want to fight with her forever," the student admits, thinking about his mother. "Gosh, I think I never used such harsh words in front of her."

"It will be fine, don't worry."

Nino looks at the other, taking in the warmth of his sincere smile and yes, somehow, it makes him believe. He tries to smile back, even if just a little bit. "Thank you, Sakurai-san, really."

"No problem," the other slightly shakes his head. Then, his sympathetic smile turns into a grin and Nino frowns, wondering a little. "And now the most important point," Sakurai says, starting to sway a bit on his chair.

"What do you mean? And why are you smirking?" Nino starts to feel very insecure right now.

Sakurai's smirk gets more intense before he parts his lips. "You're not completely sure about being straight?"

"Eh?" the student looks at him surprised. "Wait, I never said…"

"Your reaction said enough," Sakurai replies. "And I have to admit, I'm pretty excited about it. This means that I might at least have a tiny little chance with you, doesn't it?"

"I…," Nino thinks about his dream again, about how he felt towards that young lord that looked exactly like Sakurai, thinks about what he feels in Sakurai's presence lately.

"It's OK, don't worry, I'll help you find the answer," the assistant professor chuckles cheerfully, letting his chair spin one, two, three times before he stops and looks at Nino again with a confidence in his face that the other finds simply admirable.

"You're doing everything your way anyway, no matter what I say, right?" he says, smiling.

Sakurai tilts his head, cutely. "True."

"I wished I had your self-confidence."

"I'll make you feel self-confident," the other promises. "You just have to give me that chance to."

"This conversation is turning awkward," Nino blushes deeply.

"You said you have to get used to awkward if it comes to me."

"Well, I did say so, yes," the younger man admits.

"I see it as a compliment, you know?" Again, there's this confident, charming smile.

"Being awkward?" Nino arches an eyebrow.

"Yes, it's more interesting," the other nods and somehow, Nino has to agree with this way of thinking.

"Well, then, Awkward," Nino chuckles amused at the usage of this new found nickname for the other man.

"Thanks," Sakurai makes a bowing gesture. "So, do you want to stay overnight again?"

"Uhm… well, I don't think that I want to go home tonight," Nino confesses a bit embarrassed.

"It's OK. You can wear my clothes again and if you want, I can massage your back again so that you'll be able to fall asleep like a baby," Sakurai says, winking at his guest.

"That's what you would like, right? Don't mock me! But yeah, night wear will be appreciated."

A few minutes later, Nino changes into the same set of night clothes from the previous evening and offers to Sakurai again to leave him alone, just to be polite. The other tells him, he's free to go watch TV if he prefers but he can also stay in his room and do something else. In the end, Nino asks him for permission to browse through his bookshelf and soon finds himself lying on Sakurai's bed, his back against some comfortable pillows and burying his nose in a new edition of the popular Japanese fairy-tale about Kaguya, the princess from the moon.

It doesn't take long until Nino's eyelids start to feel heavy, just like the book in his hands that he finally lets drop onto his chest while his head sinks back into the soft pillow more and more. Nino is half-asleep when he feels someone freeing him from the weight of the book and he considers, but does not really manage to open his eyes, letting only a small sigh leave his lips. He senses the closeness of someone, Sakurai, his nice odour hanging in the air, the warmth of his body spreading and lulling the student even more. He feels him getting closer, feeling the man's breath hitting his face, and feeling those really unbelievably soft lips pressing slightly against his, again.

Nino sighs, his eyes still closed, and then, when the warmth disappears, he instinctively lifts his hands and puts them around the other man's neck, pulling him back close to him, pressing their lips together again, just to feel that soft brush between them, this little sweetness. Nino doesn't even know what he's doing when he slightly parts his lips and allows Sakurai a more intimate kiss, just for a while. He drifts back to sleep, lulled by the pleasant feelings that overwhelm him right now, and his arms feel so damned heavy that they slip from the other man's neck when Nino drops to sleep completely.

- + -

"You kissed me last night... didn't you?" Nino whispers in the next morning, his throat feeling still a bit heavy from the sleep. His memory is blurred, honestly, he cannot tell if it was a dream or not but either way, he's embarrassed, confused, and his heart is racing about that thought.

"I did," Sakurai admits, lying next to him in the bed, both of them cuddled underneath the blanket. It's already bright outside.

"Didn't we say no kisses?"

"I can say sorry now for breaking my promise but I think you liked it," Sakurai smirks. "You kissed me back, and I dare to point out that it is nothing that friends do. We should consider declaring the promise invalid, if you ask me. I don't plan to stop kissing you."

Nino blushes deeply, and considers burying his head underneath the blanket again. "Gosh, how can you be so straightforward?"

"If both of us are as shy as you are, we will never make any progress," Sakurai chuckled.

"What is this?" Nino frowns, seriously. "This thing between us I mean?"

"It's fate," Sakurai answers sincere. "Maybe it's time for you to accept it."

The young assistant professor reaches out his hand under the blanket, to find one of Nino's and the young man feels their fingers intertwining, their hands fitting each other just perfectly and it feels just too good to be true. Maybe, Nino thinks, maybe, Sakurai is right.


Chapter 4 – Part 3