Back to Chapter 2 – Part 2


CHAPTER 3


- - + SAKURAI SHO + - -


On the evening after the encounter with Ninomiya in the library, Sho visits the "Leaf-Letters", a bookstore with cafe close to the campus and at the same time the working place of Sho's roommate Aiba. In the morning he promised to go get buying groceries if Aiba makes him a list of what they needed, so he is there to pick up said list.

Aiba is lining books on the shelves in some not so busy area of the bookstore at the moment, waving friendlily when his friend shows up around the corner. While they exchange some small talk, he reaches in his green apron's pocket and pulls out the list he wrote for Sho, handing it to him with a thankful nod.

Just before Sho is about to leave, Aiba grins at him, knowingly. "How is it with him? Did you meet? Any progress?"

Of course, he's referring to Ninomiya, Sho's crush that the other told his friend about just in the morning. Sho bites his lower lip and smiles. "I asked him out."

Aiba gapes at him, excited. "You really did it?! Courageous! And what did he say?"

"He turned me down," Sho states in a casual voice and Aiba nods understandingly.

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that but it's not so surprising, is it?" he analyses while crossing his arms in front of his chest. "I bet he must have been confused by your invitation. You barely know each other after all."

"You can say so. He is very confused," Sho agrees. "Further, he has a girlfriend," he states.

Aiba cringes. "Ouch! Shit, well, that's unlucky."

Sho chuckles softly, scratching his cheek, making Aiba frown.

"You don't really look that disappointed somehow," the man says a bit confused.

"Well, it's not over yet," Sho says with a smile.

Aiba arches his eyebrows. "Although he turned you down and told you he has a girlfriend?"

"Yeah," Sho tilts his head, frowning a little. "I don't know and maybe I'm imagining things but some part of me kind of feels like he doesn't mean it."

"You mean he lied about having a girlfriend?"

"That's not what I meant," the other man shakes his head. "He doesn't seem to be the lying type. But when he turned me down it feels like he doesn't really mean it. There is something in his eyes, I think. It's like, he just doesn't know yet that we belong together, you know?"

"Gosh you sound so full of yourself," Aiba chuckles, shaking his head slightly before Sho joins in the laughter.

"I know! I've never had thoughts like these before in my life," the young assistant professor admits, his eyes widened in excitement. It's like he doesn’t know himself but it feels good somehow, he feels assured. "I just kind of know it, you see? I cannot describe it any better."

"Or you're imagining things," Aiba dares to point out.

"Maybe. But it feels so right!" Sho cannot help the wide smile forming on his lips when he thinks about the whole thing again. He found him. Him, the one he's dreaming about since… he doesn't even know when it started but finally, he can see his face.

"But if he has a girlfriend, what makes you think that he will change his mind and come to you? What if he's completely straight?" his roommate continues.

Sho shakes his head. That can't be true. "I don't think so."

"Full of yourself, it's admirable. That must be the power of love," Aiba attempts a whistle, failing.

"Don't make fun of me," his friend slightly pouts, even if he knows how crazy he must sound.

"I don't. But I want you to be careful, I'm not fond of the idea of having to nurse my roommate's broken heart."

Sho shakes his head, again the wide smile on his face. "It will work out; I have to believe in it. He's my… soulmate."

Aiba stares at the other as he uses such a meaningful word. He smirks and pats his roommate's shoulders. "Well, good luck then."

- + -

Some days passed, and Sho continues trying to approach Ninomiya. Of course he doesn't stalk him, at least he refuses to call it like that. But he has a close eye on him during lectures (noticing in amusement that the other is quite aware of the fact that he's getting spied on and his shy reaction makes Sho realize even more how cute the young man is) and outside of the classroom he tries to get in touch with the other too. He already gave him a cup of coffee for free when the other seemed to be waiting for someone (maybe his girlfriend) and tried to start a short conversation. He casually asks Ninomiya about university, about his projects, even his hobbies.

Ninomiya seems surprised, confused and not knowing how to react, even a little grumpy (which Sho finds cute too) but in the end, he doesn't push the assistant professor away and instead honestly answers his questions. Even if Ninomiya still declines invitations (Sho tried it once with a suggestion of going to a nearby cafe instead of aiming for a candle light dinner but got turned down again) Sho is getting closer to his goal – getting to know the other man better, even if he feels like he knows him quite well already. It's like re-discovering something you once loved, it's incredible and wonderful. And maybe, they even start to getting along quite well, Sho thinks.

Of course, Ninomiya is different from the man Sho dreams of, in many aspects, but that's not surprising. Sho doesn't expect to meet the exact same person from his dreams. He himself isn't the exact same person from his dreams and he still doesn't understand the whole mysterious thing anyway. However, it's interesting to see the differences and the commonalities that dream Ninomiya and the real one have, even if they look exactly alike.

The real one is much grumpier but he holds the same melancholy like the one in Sho's dreams and a subtle shyness that glimpses through at times. His language is more impolite and direct though, but that's no surprise considering that Sho's dreams are set in ancient Japan and Ninomiya is actually one of his servants there when now he is a smart student, critical when facing him. Sho appreciates this Ninomiya, he's charming in a way that he is not aware of himself. But there is one thing Sho misses.

His smiles.

Sho doesn't know Ninomiya well enough yet to grasp the actual situation and understand why the other seems to be gloomy, maybe even depressed. The other – obviously – won’t let him into his heart that quickly but Sho is confident to be able to find a way and he's willing to help the other man with everything, if he needs help. Sho's feelings don't differ from the ones in his dreams. He wants to help Ninomiya. He wants to protect him. He wants to be there for him and be with him forever.

After thinking about the whole situation for a while, Sho finally started to try finding out more about it, the dreams, the strange connection he feels to Ninomiya and whatnot. Not even for a second he considered that his heart was just driving him crazy and made him interpret Ninomiya into his dreams, like Aiba assumed, just because he fell for him at first sight. This isn’t the case. There is more behind it. Sho knows it. He feels it.

He finally ends up browsing the internet, spending hours of research about love, mystical connection between people, reincarnation, soulmates. When thinking about Ninomiya, this word keeps popping up Sho's mind and what he first thought to be a vague idea of something, he comes to the conclusion that this is what they actually must be. Soulmates. Even, if Ninomiya doesn't know. Not yet. But Sho will find a way to prove it to him, that's for sure.

- + -

The marriage of young Lord Matsumoto Junta and his princess, Lady Saki, has been splendid, the biggest and most colourful feast Sho ever visited. The celebration after the actual ceremony goes on and on until the early morning hours when finally people leave to their bivouacs or fall asleep around the tables in the large dining room one by one, their bodies smelling of alcohol. It's almost time for the sun to rise, at least the sky is slightly getting brighter by the minute and if someone was in an empty quiet house, the first birds' songs would be able to reach their ears.

Sho is still sober, he isn't very fond of sake since it makes his mind dizzy in an unhealthy way. There is only one thing that is able to make him feel the world's worth and it is definitely not found in a small cup of liquid. He bids good night to his friend and his friend's wife who are both still sitting and drinking, tired but happy, at the far end of the table, clinging to each other, totally in love.

A young man by Sho's side follows him at every turn, almost like a shadow, just like he did the whole evening. Sho leaves the room and goes along the corridor, follows the sound of the slightly creaking wood until he reaches a door, the door to the guest room that he was assigned to for those few days, staying in the house of his friend. The man behind him, his servant Ninomiya Kazuya, his Kazu, stops too, a bit insecure but Sho reaches out his hand to grab the man's wrist and pulls him into the still half-dark room and right into his warm embrace.

Sho feels his own heartbeat, running like a drum and he feels the fast heartbeat of the young man in his arms, who sneaks closer, burying his face in the fabric of Sho's festive kimono, his arms finding their way around his waist, pressing himself closer. Sho cannot resist and reaches his hand down at the other man, putting it underneath his chin and pulls his face closer, meeting the other's tired but excited glance.

"Finally we're on our own," Sho murmurs with a happy smile on his face just before he lays his lips tenderly on top of the young man's.

"We have to be careful, what if someone sees us?" the young man in his arms whispers, out of breath, when they break the kiss.

"We are careful enough, don't worry. Even if someone sees us, they are all drunk. They won't realize or they won't mind," Sho answers. "Can you please help me to undress?"

The young lord turns so that his servant is able to help him out of the several layers of heavy fabric easily, putting it aside carefully before he hands him his nightwear. As to return the favour, Sho does the same, helping the young man out of his clothes – even if they aren't as impressive and expensive as his own – brushing his body lovingly with his hands before the other blushes and quickly slips on his own sleeping kimono. Sho then reaches for the other's hand again, pulling him with him to the already prepared futon.

"Let's just go to bed, you must be tired, right?"

"You too," the servant replies and obeys Sho's suggestion.

They lie down on the futon next to each other, close enough that their breath hits each other's faces, close enough that a whisper is everything needed to be understood. Sho caresses his lover's cheek with his hand and presses another slight kiss onto those kissable lips. The young man smiles at him, genuinely, lifting his hand to put it on Sho's before he allows his eyes to fall shut. But Sho isn't finished yet. His heart is still drumming inside his chest, even if tired, he's still excited from the feast, drunken, not from the alcohol but from the pleasant atmosphere. Drunken from the thought of being present on a day on which a couple swore their eternal love to each other. It makes him feel itchy. In a good way.

"Kazu?" Sho whispers, wondering if his lover's mind has already slipped away.

But the other opens his eyes immediately, looking at him. "Yes?"

Sho snuggles a little closer, bringing their bodies together. "Once we're home, I want you to do something for me."

"What do you want me to do?" the servant wonders.

"I want you to prove your love to me," Sho says earnestly.

Kazu breaks into a warm smile, nodding. "I'll do everything. You know that I'm sincere."

Excitement spreading in Sho's chest, he shifts position, sitting up, supporting his weight with his arms while the other young man rolls on his back, looking up at him curiously.

"Well, I won't force you to do it because it will hurt but I beg you to consider it," Sho starts.

"What is it?" his lover asks curiously, sitting up too.

"You remember the injury on my wrist?" Sho asks, pulling the said wrist in front of his body. It's still wrapped in a small piece of bandage.

"The one you got from sword training?"

"Actually, that was a little lie. It's not from sword training," the young lord admits.

The servant frowns, worries. "What happened then?"

"Don't worry, it's nothing serious. Look, I'll show you," Sho says and removes the bandages, revealing a coin sized, small, black drawing on his skin, showing the form of a flower.

"What's that?" his lover asks surprised, reaching his hands at Sho's wrist but not daring to touch it.

"It's a tattoo."

"A tattoo?"

"Yes, some kind of ornament on my skin," the young man explains.

The other frowns, but looks fascinated. "How… is it painted?"

"Kind of," Sho nods. "But it's permanent. It's ink inserted underneath my skin with a sharp object."

"Doesn't it hurt?" the servant asks, his face now seriously worried as he looks at Sho with big eyes.

The other man smiles. "Not any longer. It already healed, you see?"

"Ah…"

"Touch it," Sho encourages him. "Don't be shy. It doesn't hurt, I swear."

Fascinated but with a lot of care, Kazu finally touches Sho's tattoo with the tips of his fingers, very carefully, as if he is afraid to wipe away the picture decorating his lover's wrist. It feels just like the slight brush from the wings of a butterfly and it tickles slightly, when the young man lets his finger follow the drawing.

"But it hurt when you made it?" he asks silently.

"It did. But I did it for you so the pain was worth it."

Again, the young man lifts his head, his beautiful eyes meeting Sho's. His cheeks blush nicely. "For me?"

"Yes. It's a symbol for me carrying you in my heart forever. Can you see what the ornament depicts?"

"It's… it's a camellia," the servant stammers and blushes even more, as if he realizes something very important at this very moment.

"Do you remember the first time we met?" Sho asks in a low whisper, reaching out his free hand to cup his lover's cheek again, lovingly. It's warm, so warm, even warmer than usual, due to the admirable blush.

"Of course, I do," the other whispers back, nodding in short movements so not to make Sho draw away his hand.

"You were so young, such a young child."

A soft chuckle leaves the servant's smiling lips. Sho loves this chuckle, this smile. "Not that much younger than you were."

"True," the young lord tilts his head. "But I kind of felt like grown up then already. I had to be grown up after all. But you, you were still a child and you were scared to death from being brought to my place – a stranger's place – because your parents couldn't afford to feed you any longer."

Together they dive into the memories of their past, visiting one of the servant's saddest but also brightest days. The memory is so vivid as if it happened yesterday.

The young man sighs silently, almost unheard. "I was supposed to become your servant in order to survive. You became my source of life. And as I found out later, not only because you were the one paying for my food."

"Back then you were so scared by the new situation and the new people, you fled into our gardens as soon as people wasn’t paying attention for a small moment and hid there," Sho remembers vividly.

"I did," Kazu nods.

"Although it was raining heavily."

"I didn't know where to go," the young man explains.

Sho intertwines his fingers with Kazu's. "When I heard that a child around my age is hiding in the gardens, scared, I wanted to help."

"You always had such a good heart, you still have," his lover says, clutching their hands together as if he never wants to let go.

"I found you, crouching underneath the camellia bush," Sho continues. "I can still see you in front of my eyes just like that. Small, drenched in the rain, crying and shivering from fear and from the cold and immediately, I knew that I had to protect you."

"And you pulled me out from underneath there and inside to get me into a warm bath," Kazu continues the story with a loving smile. He locks eyes with Sho. "You made that house that scared me so much into something I'd start to love."

"You remember?" the young lord chuckles. "We got scolded because I allowed you, a young servant, to accompany me to my bath but since they didn't want you to fall ill on your first day, they allowed you to bath with me."

"And soon after we became friends, even if I was supposed to be your servant," the other man finishes the story. Their story.

Sho cannot hold back and leans forward, hugging Kazu close. "Yes, you're more than my servant. You're my best friend, you're my lover, you're my better half, you're the one I love the most in this world," the words spill out of Sho's mouth, sincere and clear, feeling like honey to the other man's ears. "And since that day, whenever I see a camellia, I think about you. That's why I chose this motif to represent our love."

"It's beautiful, I love it," the servant whispers into Sho's ear, his eyes closed.

Sho ends the embrace, putting his hands on his lover's shoulders and looks straight into his eyes. His heart is beating so fast that he can swear that it is about to jump out of his chest. "If you want, I'd like you to get the same tattoo."

"The same as yours?" Kazu wants to confirm.

"Yes, as our sign that we belong together," suddenly the young lord sounds confident and insecure at the same time, scared of being let down by his lover. "Will... will you do it?"

"For you? Of course," the young man nods his head, eagerly.

Sho hugs him tightly again, pressing him even closer than before and it's just then when he realizes that he's shaking a little from the excitement. But with Kazu in his arms, everything seems fine. "Aren't you scared?" Sho finally asks.

"Maybe a little bit," his lover answers after a second of thinking. "But it's more of being thrilled, pleasurably. Like always when I'm with you. It makes me so happy that you thought about such a way to prove our love, really."

"You don't have to if you don't want to. I won't force you," the young lord repeats, just to be safe.

"No, really," the servant shakes his head, brushing his nose against his lover's neck. "I can't wait to do it. I love the idea. I love you."

"I love you too," Sho answers, his heart bursting. Right now, he must be the happiest man in the world.

He lets his lips search for Kazu's, finding them, warm and soft, hungry against his when they kiss again and again.


- - + NINOMIYA KAZUNARI + - -


For some reason, the first thing Nino thinks about when he wakes up in the morning, is Sakurai. Just... why?!

Nino thinks that this Sakurai guy is really a strange guy. From the first moment they met, he acts just… well, strange. He stares at him, flashes him smiles that make the other utterly confused, he talks to him whenever he can find him on the campus and has the chance to. Hell, that guy even tried to invite him for dinner and for coffee! It confuses Nino. He's not used to this kind of attention, especially not from a man. It's not that he has something against gay people – and what else should he think about Sakurai than being gay and interested in him, according to his behaviour – but he is just not used to this degree of attention. Even when he started dating Keiko, it wasn't like this. They somehow liked each other, they somehow started dating, and they somehow became a couple. That's how easy it was. But now there is Sakurai and dealing with Sakurai isn't easy at all for Nino.

He cannot even say that he doesn't like the attention that the other man gives him or that he doesn't like him. Sakurai seems to be a decent young man, polite (even if a little pushy), friendly, open-minded. For some reason, it doesn't upset Nino or make him feel uncomfortable when the other approaches him, but it makes him feel really nervous and insecure.

Questions pop up his mind like how is it possible that someone who knows you for just a few days seems to be interested in you to such an extent? Why doesn't he simply give up on him after Nino told him that he has a girlfriend? Why Sakurai is even interested in him when Nino is taken and for sure not the most delightful company? The young assistant professor is a good-looking man and surely can have everybody he wants, so why him? And why the hell does Nino's heart start beating faster when he's around?

Yeah, that last part is most likely the most confusing for Nino at the moment. He feels nervous around Sakurai, but not the kind of nervousness you have before a test or an unpleasant doctor's appointment, it was more the kind of nervousness when you are waiting in the queue for a concert of your favourite artist or yeah… the kind of nervousness you feel when that one person that you like since elementary school suddenly realizes that you exist and talks to you.

No, it's not like Nino developed a liking to Sakurai or that he is interested in him. At least not in the same way the other seems to be interested in him. Nino isn't gay. He never liked men this way before and he doesn't plan on switching his sexual orientation now after more than 20 years, just because a good-looking guy is showing interest in him and makes him… curious.

But why is it then that the young student feels like he has somehow started to become obsessed with that guy? He doesn't mind any longer when Sakurai meets him in the corridors of the university buildings or on the campus, stopping him for a conversation. It doesn't bother him any longer when the other stares at him during classes, hell no, on the contrary, Nino starts staring at him too when the other isn’t looking and when their eyes meet, which happens pretty often, he feels that strange connection he cannot grasp yet and he allows himself to look into those dark eyes, just for a few seconds, just as long until his stopped heart restarts beating and he averts his eyes. No, he's not interested in Sakurai…

Nino sighs. Maybe he should stay at home today, considering that with two seminars held by Sakamoto-sensei (and Sakurai as his assistant accordingly) his day will be filled with the other man and he isn't sure how to face the situation. He wants to think about it, wants to sort his thoughts and feelings before he meets him again or he might actually accept the guy's next invitation. What? Is he really thinking that?

Confused and frustrated, Nino buries his face in his pillow and pulls the blanket tighter around him. Yes, staying here in bed for the whole day sounds pretty good. But of course, it's not so easy to skip university, especially not with Nino's mother knocking at his door.

"Kazu, breakfast is ready," he hears her voice. "And it's time for you to leave."

"I don't wanna," Nino grumbles into his pillow after another sigh, knowing that his mother won't hear him like that.

"What did you say?" she asks when she pushes open the door, peaking her head into her son's room.

"I'll stay at home for today," Nino answers, turning his head to face her.

Immediately, his mother comes closer to his bed, sitting down on the edge. She reaches out her hand, putting it on her son's forehead, her face worried. "What is it, aren't you feeling well?"

Nino tries to brush her hand away but gives up when she just continues. "Not really."

"Hm, you don't seem to have a fever," his mother concludes. Of course not, he's not sick, Nino thinks. "What is it darling, your back?"

Nino rolls his eyes. "Mom, please don't talk about my back. It's not about my back. I just don't feel well."

"You seem quite stressed lately," the woman then states, crossing her arms, a concerned look on her face. "Is everything OK?"

Yes. No. Maybe? "Hm."

"Problems with your studies?"

"No," Nino sighs.

"What is it then, problems with Keiko-chan?" his mother's voice sounds soft, careful.

The mentioning of his girlfriend's name makes Nino's heart sting. Right, Keiko... he should think about how to continue things with her too. Sakurai is still occupying his mind. Damned. Nino cannot even remember if he met or texted his girlfriend the previous day. Nino's memory is blurred. He feels guilty but all he can remember is that he met Sakurai on the campus and that they talked about some books and the realization that they just recently enjoyed the very same book of one of Nino's favourite authors and exchanged opinions about it, making him feel light and happy.

Another deep sign leaves Nino's lips. That thing with Keiko… it really isn't going well. And he knows, it's not leading them anywhere. He takes his guts together and finally for the first time he talks to his mother about the issue, sincerely. "… To be honest, I think Keiko and I should better break up."

"What?!" the woman sitting next to him looks at him, shocked. Of course, she didn't expect this. "Kazu, do you know what you're saying?! What are you talking about so suddenly? Please, don't make too fast decisions, you and Keiko-chan are so perfect for each other! You shouldn't think about breaking up."

"You think so?" Nino asks back, not sure if the sarcastic tone that he is aiming for is present enough. "I know you like her and it's not like I don't but what if we're just not meant to be together?"

"You know, in a relationship there are good times and bad times but you will manage it through. Look at me and your father."

His mother ignores Nino's doubts completely, trying to cheer him up by trying to give her son the feeling of relating to him. Maybe that isn't the best example, Nino thinks, remembering their countless fights, the heavy atmosphere between them most of the time, but he doesn't want to hurt his mother so he keeps his mouth shut.

"Don't worry Kazu, you two will be fine," the woman gives him a smile and pats her son's shoulder before she stands up to leave the room. "And now get up, breakfast is getting cold."

Nino doesn't really agree. But he knows that with his mother he will meet deaf ears regarding this topic. She just doesn't want to see how unhappy her son is most of the time when it comes to Keiko. Nino’s thoughts start running in circles but he just finds one answer. He has to break up with Keiko. It will be better for both of them or they will not be able to get out of this and advance.

For a moment, the image of the new assistant professor pops up in his mind again and the imagination of the snippet of a conversation in which he will tell him that he no longer has a girlfriend. Nino shakes his head slightly. No, that's not why he will break up with her. It's just an inevitable conclusion for something that's going wrong for just too long already.

- + -

Nino cannot say what is his final motivation to get up this morning, the urge to talk to Keiko and to finally settle things between them or the subtle urge to see Sakurai, that he still tries to ignore but somehow can't. However, his plan to stay at home and to run away from things got crushed and this is why the student now stands there in a silent corner of the campus, facing his girlfriend as he asked her for a talk.

When he tells her about his feelings, that he thinks they don't match and that it’s better if they break up, she just looks at him in disbelief, her bag slowly slipping from her shoulder without her noticing.

"I thought this topic is over," she states coldly before her voice takes on a hint of panic. "We won't break up."

Nino tries to explain. "For you the topic seems to be over but honestly, I am not sure how long I can take this."

Keiko shoots him a look, a mixture of hurt, disgust and disbelief. "How can you stand there and say something cruel like that? Do you even think about my feelings?"

"Keiko, look," Nino tries again, scratching the back of his head as he searches for the right words. Why is this so damned difficult? "It's not that I don't like you. It's just… think about it, do you really think the two of us together hit it off?"

The young woman doesn't pick up his question and instead crosses her arms in a defensive posture. "Are you cheating on me?" she fires at him.

"What?!" Nino can't believe it.

"You are cheating on me, aren't you?" Keiko's voice starts shaking dangerously. "You have someone else. That's why you want to break up."

The young man shook his head. "Keiko, you know that's not true. I never cheated on you and I never would!"

"Who is she?" she ignores his denial, as if she's obsessed by this idea, spreading in her head like weeds.

"Stop that," Nino says, getting desperate.

"Tell me!" Keiko yells at him.

The young student sighs, rubbing his forehead before he faces her again, trying to stay calm and factual. "See? If you cannot even trust me enough to believe me that I'm not cheating, what's this relationship worth? I told you, I'm not cheating on you!"

"Then why do you want to break up?!" the girl in front of him continues yelling, she looks so angry...

"Because I don't love you," Nino finally bursts and most likely this is the most honest thing he told Keiko in a while.

He feels awful and deeply sorry when he looks into her face and sees tears forming in her eyes. It's unlike her to cry, she's a strong woman. He didn't expect and of course didn't intend to hurt her that much but…

"I'm sorry," he continues in a soft voice, even if he knows that he cannot save the situation anymore. "I know this must sound awful but I just cannot pretend to feel what I don't. I do like you, but I think it's not enough for a proper love relationship. It's not your fault, it's mine."

"Save your words," Keiko spits at him, tears dropping from her eyelashes and running down her cheeks. "I get it."

"Look, we can stay-"

"If you're going to say we could stay as friends, forget it!" she snaps, shooting Nino a death glare.

"Keiko…," he tries to calm her down.

"Fuck off, Nino. I hate you."

With those last words, the young woman turns around, her hair whirling through the air and the heels of her shoes clattering over the stone ground of the campus quickly, as she hurries away, clutching her bag firmly and hunching her back slightly. Nino hangs his head, closing his eyes. He didn't plan to end this in such a poor way. He feels awful. Awful and guilty for hurting someone who spent the last year with him, bearing with his gloomy mood, being his friend and partner, even if they didn't click perfectly. And then, he feels awful for feeling guilty too and relieved at the same time about the break up.

For feeling… free.

- + -

Just after Sakamoto-sensei's classes, Nino flees from the campus immediately. If this was a normal day, maybe he would wait somewhere in the corridors to try and see if Sakurai will come up to him for a chat – Nino is almost shocked about how used he is to this procedure already – but today, he just feels horrible because of what happened with Keiko. He feels like he doesn't have the right for a nice chat. He has averted his eyes from the young assistant professor as much as possible during the lecture and even left a few minutes before the actual end of classes so that Sakurai doesn't even have the chance to catch up with him, if he wants.

Nino doesn't feel like going home though. He doesn't want to tell his mother about the breakup but he's sure that she knows about it already. Considering how close she and Keiko are, the young woman must have contacted his mother already by the time he gets home. To be exact, he's even surprised that he didn't get bombarded by incoming calls and messages from his mother already. He maybe should go to club activities, the theatre club holds this meeting for a new project and Nino has offered his script to them but he honestly feels like skipping it today. He doesn't want to see other people at the moment, and he's not able to concentrate on anything anyway.

Instead, Nino ends up in the bookstore close to the campus, one of his favourite places. He plans to go through the new releases to see if he might be interesting in picking up some of them. Or maybe he can buy some of the missing volumes of his Agatha Christie collection in the English book section.

In the end the English book section is exactly the place in which he ends up, standing on top of a small stepladder, searching for some specific titles in one of the upper shelves. But suddenly, there is this familiar and distinct sensation between his shoulder blades, his back getting hit full force with a wave of pain. Nino curses, he tries to remember if he made a strange movement or something, causing it, but he cannot connect it to anything. Just as usual, the pain is suddenly there and right now, it's overwhelming.

He accidentally pulls a few books out of the shelf when he drops his arm and tries to reach the hurting spot on his back. The books hit him, he loses balance, and he hears them scatter around him when he meets the floor, crouching, feeling like paralyzed. The stepladder gets pushed over, making noise. Nino, his eyes closed firmly from the stabbing pain, can hear footsteps and murmurs around him, people approaching him. Someone kneels down in front of him, he can hear it, feel it.

And then there is a familiar voice, sounding surprised and worried. "Ninomiya-kun! Are you hurt?"

"Sakurai-san?" Nino tries to get up, but he can't. He opens an eye and spots the familiar face from the corner of his eye. What is he doing here? Stalking him? No, what a stupid thought, Nino scolds himself. It must be pure coincidence. "Don't worry it's just – argh…, " he cringes again.

"Ninomiya? Ninomiya!" the other man's voice sounds slightly panicked and Nino feels the touch of Sakurai's hand on his arm. "Shall I call an ambulance?"

"What?!" now Nino is the one to panic. "No! No, no doctor. It's not necessary at all!"

"But you're in pain!"

"Oh really?" a slightly desperate chuckle leaves Nino's mouth when he struggles to get up, clinging onto Sakurai's arm that the other offers him. "Thanks for pointing that out, I almost missed it."

"Hey, I just want to help you," the other says, tilting his head but not sounding offended.

"Maybe I don't need your help," Nino murmurs. He planned to sound more upset but somehow, he sounds calming. He realizes that more than feeling annoyed by Sakurai, he just doesn't want him to worry about him. "Really, it's just my back, it will go away."

"Where does it hurt, here?" Sakurai asks concerned, his hand carefully brushing over Nino's back, meeting the spot that the other tries to reach with his hand.

Nino freezes when he feels Sakurai's touch. He doesn't hear his "Ah, Sorry!", too confused about what follows. His heart stops beating for a moment, then it starts rushing. Rushing so fast that it feels like the blood running through Nino's veins is all he can hear. The sound disappears and then the student seems to lose ground, the edges of his vision bending, blurring. It's like he's getting pulled into something, somewhere. Is it a dream? Is it a memory? He cannot name it.

Suddenly he hears the noise of rain, drumming against his ears, sees the blurry silhouette of some red flowers becoming clear. He's sitting underneath a bush, hiding from something. He's freezing, he's scared. His feet – the feet of a child - are bare and covered in cold dirt. Then there's a hand, reaching out for his, a very warm hand, pulling him. He stands up and it's like he's growing, his body stretching into the one of a young adult and the hand that reached out for him circles around his waist, pulling him into a tight embrace. He feels the soft fabric of a kimono against his skin. The rain and the coldness is gone. He breathes the scent of the person that is holding him in his arms. He closes his eyes. He knows this scent. He loves this scent. It feels so warm. It feels so good.

Then, it's over just as fast as it started. Nino blinks. He's back. And the pain too. He crouches under Sakurai's touch.

"Ninomiya?"

Sakurai's distant voice. This scent… Nino's heart skips another beat.

"Don't be so stubborn! Can you even move?" Sakurai's voice is getting closer just like his big eyes that look at him, worried.

It's like Nino arrives again in reality. What the hell was that? Has he been gone? Has he lost consciousness? No, it doesn't seem like that, just as if he hasn't listened for a while. He squints his eyes, slightly shakes his head. "Wait a second," he murmurs.

The sensation of Sakurai's touch is still there but he is not touching his hurting spot any longer, his hands moved to Nino's shoulders to slowly guide him away. "Come here, sit down. Or… lay down? Which helps the best?"

Nino looks at him, puzzled and tries to remember Sakurai's question. "Ah... lying down but not here, obviously."

"Do you live nearby?" the other asks.

Nino shakes his head. "Not too nearby…"

"Alright... You know what? I live just a few minutes away. You can rest there," Sakurai suggests.

"What?" Nino wonders. "No, wait, you don't need to-"

"It's no problem, really," the assistant professor assures him. "I have some crème at home, it might help against the pain."

"OK, OK, whatever," Nino murmurs. Somehow, that idea doesn't sound so bad.

"Let's go."

Nino allows Sakurai to help him out of the bookstore and indeed they only take a few minutes by foot to arrive in the assistant professor’s apartment which is located just about two streets away in the third floor of a small mansion – thankfully equipped with an elevator.

As soon as they enter Sakurai's apartment, Nino feels comfortable. It's warm and friendly and he likes it immediately. The subtle wish to come here more often suddenly spreads in his chest and he mentally scolds himself for thinking this.

"I live here together with my roommate, Aiba. He's working at the "Leaf-Letters" you know?" Sakurai immediately explains.

He helps Nino to get rid of his shoes since the student cannot move well on his own. Nino feels ashamed but he doesn't protest, unable to do anything against it anyway. Afterwards, Sakurai leads him through the apartment, passing a kitchen-living room and heading to what seems to be his bedroom. He helps Nino to sit down and quickly leaves the room, telling him he will be back in a minute with the crème he promised. Nino just sits there, his back still hunched and hurting but he cannot help looking around, a bit curious. So this is Sakurai's room, he thinks. It's not too big, not too small, the bed he's sitting on is a usual western bed, there is a desk and a few shelves in the room, the shelves of course overflowing with countless books and in front of the desk there is a pin board decorated with photos, post-its and postcards. It spreads a nice and warm feeling, this room, but nevertheless, it makes Nino a bit nervous. He's in Sakurai's room. Well, and why does this make him so nervous now?

He cannot answer the question but once Sakurai returns, a tube of crème in his hands as well as a glass of water and some pills, Nino gets even more nervous. Nino averts his eyes when the other takes place next to him and hands him the glass of water.

"I thought maybe you might need some painkiller," Sakurai says and gives one of the pills to the other man.

Nino gladly accepts it and gulps it down after thanking the other man. He tries to avoid taking painkillers on a regular basis but from time to time when the pain is too heavy, it couldn't hurt to take one. Most likely it will help better than any crème can.

"You want me to help you applying it?" the young assistant professor then suggests, making Nino stare at him.

The student blushes as he feels the heat running to his cheeks. Damned. He didn't think about that. Indeed, once he's in pain and cannot move properly, it's difficult for him to reach that specific spot and right now his back is still in pain and feels like it's blocking half of his body. He doesn't say anything though, he's not able to.

"Come here," Sakurai says. "You better get rid of your shirt and lay down on your stomach."

"Eh?!" Nino feels slightly panicking when the other man reaches out his hands to grab Nino's shirt, starting to pull it up before the latter makes him stop.

"So that I can help you properly," Sakurai explains with a serious look. "You can't really move after all, can you?"

Nino gives up and finally lets the assistant professor help him to undress, even if he feels embarrassed like he hasn’t in a very long time. He feels like hiding when he sits there with his scrawny, pale body, only his pants on and feels Sakurai's look on him. He wants to cross his arms in front of his chest but even this movement is painful, shooting stabs through his back. He curses.

"Try to lie down," Sakurai suggests again.

He pushes the blanket of his bed back and adjusts the pillow to make a comfortable spot for Nino to lie down. The young man can't believe what is actually going on. It feels so unreal. There he was breaking up with his girlfriend during lunch break on the campus and now he's sitting here, half naked on the bed of another guy, one who, well... might actually aim for him lying on his bed, even if the circumstances should be different. Nino gulps down the lump forming in his throat but finally does as he's told and tries to carefully lie down, finding a position that's bearable.

"Don't be scared, it's just a little cold," Sakurai says as he crawls a little closer and opens the tube of crème to poor some of it onto his fingers. "So where exactly is the spot? It is near this..."

Nino tries to turn his head a little to be able to actually see Sakurai who seems to stare at a specific spot on his back.

"Well, yeah, it's close to that reddish spot on my spine between the shoulders," Nino starts. "A bit to the right though." Still, Sakurai stares at his back and Nino feels his cheeks blushing again. This was becoming even more embarrassing. "Sakurai-san?"

"Ah," the other blinks, as if he got pulled out of a day dream and looks at Nino with a smile causing the other to frown. Is something wrong?

"That's just a birthmark," Nino murmurs, referring to the red spot on his skin which must be what distracted the other man just before.

"Sorry. So, let me try," the assistant professor says and reaches his hand to touch Nino's skin.

It feels indeed a little cold and Nino shivers for a moment but quickly adjusts to the nice and careful touch of the other man. He carefully spreads the crème at the respective spot and around it, starting to slowly massage the crème all over Nino's upper back. It feels good. So good... and Nino cannot help but close his eyes and relax. The fingers dancing over his back now spread their warmth through the cold silky crème and he can feel how the pain starts lessening, slipping away, just like his suddenly just too tired mind. Nino takes a deep breath, noticing the familiar scent coming from Sakurai's pillow. It's strange and he doesn't understand why but he feels safe here, safer than he feels anywhere else.

- + -

When Nino wakes up again, his mind slow to come back to the real world, he immediately feels like he dreamed something very important but at the same moment he realizes that he forgot his dream right away. He curses mentally. He knows that it was a pleasant dream, none of those that you actually want to forget but it can't be helped.

After burying his nose once again in the soft pillow on which his head is resting, Nino opens his eyes – and to his surprise, he stared into another pair of brown eyes, just a few centimetres from his body. A surprised yell almost escapes from his lips but he immediately recognizes Sakurai's beautiful, brown eyes and remembers at once where he is and why. And that he's actually lying in that guy’s bed, half naked and covered by a blanket, the original owner of the bed lying just a bit away from him, looking at him. Smiling at him.

"Holy fuck!" Nino chuckles, reaching one of his hands to rub his sleepy eyes. "My God, you really surprised me!"

"I'm sorry, this wasn't my intention," Sakurai snorts amused.

"What… why…"

"Don't even think about scolding me for lying on my own bed, Ninomiya," the other man forecloses smirking before the student can actually ask him why they are sharing one bed.

"True…," Nino has to admit. He has no right to complain or even to wonder.

After a few seconds of silence in which nobody of them moves at all, Sakurai finally asks. "How do you feel?"

Sakurai's voice sounds deep and silent, and it's easy to Nino's ears. It makes him shiver slightly, from pleasure. He tries to ignore it.

"Better," the student answers after trying to sense the rest of his pain in his back which seems to be gone. He moves his shoulders. Nothing but a tiny little feeling of stiffness. "Much better, thank you."

"Must be my magical fingers."

"Rather your magical pain killer," Nino smirks, realizing that the pill had even knocked him out.

"Killjoy," Sakurai pouts cutely.

"Flirter," Nino shoots back.

"Hm... Caught me," the other admits.

It makes Nino chuckle softly but he stops soon after, his eyes still locked with Sakurai's. His heart beat speeds up. No. Why? A hundred of questions form in Nino's mind that he might like to ask the young man lying there, staring at him, but he tries to break it down to the most essential one, pulling together all of his courage.

"Ne, Sakurai-san," he starts in a silent voice. "Why do I feel like we know each other? For longer than just a few days, I mean."

The other smiles at him, his adorable lips curling up at the sided. "Well, I do know you. Kind of."

"Why? Wherefrom?" Nino asks puzzled. "I cannot remember if we went to the same schools or something. But… I think there is something," he pauses shortly, wondering how much he could tell and how honest he can be with that guy. He decides on the very honest option. What does he have to lose? "Something draws me to you, maybe I really do know you too."

"Listen," Sakurai says. "I believe that we, you and me," Sakurai points his finger between them, "already lived once and that we shared our lives together."

Nino stares at the other for a while. "Are you talking about reincarnation?"

"Yeah, I guess," the other man simply says. "Do you find it crazy?"

The student sighs. There is the question again, forcing him to think about it. But still, he doesn't have the answer to it yet. How is he even supposed to? It's one of the world’s biggest questions after all. He searches for some words to say, putting some together in the end that he thinks make at least the most sense to him at the moment.

"Well, I'm not quite sure, to be honest," Nino finally answers. "But why does everyone around me suddenly believe in it?"

"I'm not a pro in this field either but I did a little research and I wonder, is it sudden? Or is it something that we all know deep inside of us that just needs to be awaken?"

"You think it awakened in you?"

"Indeed," Sakurai sounds so convinced, Nino finds it admirable.

"And I am supposed to be the… reincarnation of… who?" he whispers, wondering.

"Of my lover," the other man answers, the same conviction like before swaying in his voice.

Nino chuckles. "You must be kidding me."

Sakurai slightly shakes his head. "No, I mean it. And I hope it will wake up in you soon."

"I don't know what to think about this, really," the student replies, shaking his head as to get rid of the stupid idea.

"Maybe not yet. But take your time. I'll help you to remember."

"I don't believe-"

Nino cannot even finish his sentence when Sakurai's face suddenly gets closer – too close – and those plum lips make their way to Nino's, capturing them in a soft, short kiss. It's just like the touching of butterfly wings, it's almost not noticeable, it's gone in an instant. Still, it's so sweet and it makes Nino's heart skip a beat.

Sakurai draws back and he sits up next to Nino, still looking at him. The student's big, disbelieving eyes follow each and every of his moves and he looks like he's searching for words again, until finally something leaves his parted lips in a small, cracking voice.

"You shouldn't kiss me all of a sudden," Nino says almost voicelessly. "I… I told you I have a girlfriend."

Sakurai looks at him, serious. Not a hint of a smile or a smirk, hinting on a joke is showing on his face. "You said so but what does it mean to you? Do you love her? Do you want to stay with her?"

Nino wants to scream "No" but he can't. He feels too embarrassed, too shy to tell Sakurai the truth, too... he doesn't really know what.

"In case you don't, won't you consider becoming my boyfriend instead?" Seriously,

Sakurai is killing him by saying so. How can Nino even?

"I'm not into guys," he blubbers.

"Are you sure?" No, not any longer. "I think you didn't dislike this kiss just now."

"I-I don't know anything any longer," Nino stammers, finally sitting up again to meet about the height of the other man's eyes. "I'm so confused. You confuse me." He feels his face turning red again.

"I think that's a good thing. But I'm ready to wait," Sakurai says, this time, a small smile can be spotted on his lips.

"To wait?"

"Yeah, to wait for you."

Nino takes a deep breath. He tries to sort his thoughts. He cannot simply give in to this. "What if I don't decide on you?"

"I'll chase after you and will finally convince you."

"There's the creepy stalker back," the student murmurs.

"Of course I won't harm you," Sakurai says, arching his eyebrows and smiling genuinely.

"I know," Nino says without any doubt, surprising himself.

"So you trust me?" the other man asks.

"I don't know why but for some reason, yes I do," Nino answers, tilting his head slightly.

"That's enough for me for now."

There is this silence between them again. A silence of which Nino doesn't know if it's a good one or a bad one. It's making him feel restless at least. As if there's something he needs to do. His brain tries to come up with a plan, with something smart maybe, but it fails terribly. In the end, everything Nino can think about is only one thing.

"Sakurai? I lied."

The other looks at him, curiously. "Hm? What about?"

"I don't have a girlfriend any longer. We broke up today," Nino states bluntly.

"Really?" the other looks at him with big eyes. "You aren't joking?"

Nino shakes his head and finally drops his eyes, letting them watch the wrinkles that form underneath his hands on Sakurai's blanket. "I think I hurt her…"

"…I bet, you're hurt too," the assistant professor murmurs, and Nino is surprised that he finds the other man saying out loud what he is too afraid to admit.

"You're definitely an interesting person, Sakurai Sho," he says after chuckling softly. It's as if he has admitted his defeat to the other man.

"Same goes for you, Ninomiya Kazunari," Sakurai nods with a sincere smile.

Immediately, Nino shoots him with a serious look. "That doesn't mean that I want to be your boyfriend or that I like men, though!"

"But you wanted me to know that you are single and that you find me interesting?" the other laughs.

"Well, I don't want to lie to you," Nino admits.

"I appreciate that."

Nino puts again, "But that –"

"I know," Sakurai stops him. "It doesn't mean that you want to be my boyfriend."

"Right."

"I'll make you change your mind," Sakurai says in a sweet voice, making Nino wonder if it is a threat or a promise.

"Stop that, you're annoying," he blushes again.

Sakurai smiles widely, leaning a bit forward to Nino. "We can be friends first?" he suggests.

This takes Nino by surprise, but he cannot say that this is a bad idea. "…We can."

"Great!" Sakurai looks cute when he seems to be happy.

"Ah," Nino chimes in quickly. "No more kisses, though. Friends don't kiss."

"OK… no kisses," Sakurai tilts his head.

"Promise."

"I do."

"Good," Nino sighs, relieved but he gets irritated by Sakurai's next chuckle.

"I can't wait for the day you change your mind."

Nino blushes and grabs the pillow he has been lying on before, and throws it into Sakurai's direction. Then, he searches the bed for his shirt, it's time to hide from that idiot's eyes.


Chapter 3 – Part 2