Back to Chapter 1 – Part 2


- - + MATSUMOTO JUN + - -


The young man sits at the desk in his office of the local magazine Tokyo Himawari, browsing the information of his latest assignment. He can't believe it. He sighs, attracting his co-worker’s attention who was taking a sip of his morning coffee, examining his own working material.

"What is it, Matsujun?" the man asks his colleague as he puts away the coffee.

Another sign, before Matsumoto Jun turns to face the other. "Why do I have to go to that kabuki performance? Seriously, this sounds so boring... I already went to see that rakugo play the last time and I almost fell asleep. I'm here to write about sport events, I'm not fit for this traditional stuff," the young man complains.

"Look," his co-worker started. "You know exactly that everyone of us has to rotate through the different topics at the beginning. It's to test and see in which you fit the most."

"It's annoying. I thought, I have proven myself enough already," the young man ruffles through his short brown hair.

"Of being not fit for traditional stuff?" the other says in a teasing tone and Jun rolls his eyes.

"Of being fit for the coverage of sport related stuff."

His colleague shrugs his shoulders, taking his coffee again. "Maybe the chief editor sees it differently?"

"Did Kimura-san say something?!" Jun leans over, panicking slightly.

"Don't tell me, you're scared of getting fired?" his co-worker lifts an eyebrow, his lips curling up in a mischievous grin.

"Of course, I'm not scared," Jun replies with a pout on his full lips. "I just don't want to be stuck in this boring shit for the rest of my career. That's not what I am aiming for."

"You are scared," the other teases him, earning another rolling of eyes before he leans over and pats Jun's shoulder encouragingly. "Don't worry. We all know, you're a talented writer. You'll be able to provide a proper article. I'm convinced you did a lot of proper research already and it will be perfect, even if this isn't really your topic, I'm sure!"

"Who are you, my personal life coach?" Jun grunts but his pout gets a little less huffy and a bit more smiley.

The other man ignores him and keeps on talking, proving once more that he's the chatty type. "And who knows, maybe you'll get to know a nice girl in the audience? I heard that kabuki is pretty popular among young women lately."

"Is that so...," Jun states, trying to act cool but raises his eyebrows, not being able to hide his curiosity.

Another mischievous smirk by his co-worker is the answer. "Now it doesn't sound so boring anymore does it?"

Jun rolls his eyes, cursing himself for not being able to hide his thoughts better. "Oh shut up, Toma."

"I just know how your brain works, Mr. Casanova. We're working together for months now after all," the latter chuckles. "Oh, or are you finally in a serious relationship now?"

Jun sighs. He had wanted to forget the last disaster in his love life but of course, the other has to rub salt into the wound. "Nope..."

"The thing with Mao-chan...?" Toma gives his colleague a questioning look.

"...Didn't work out well," Jun completed the sentence.

"I see," his friend nods understandingly, pursing his lips. "What a pity, she's such a cutie."

"She is, but she... is not the right one for me, you see?" Jun says, making a dramatic gesture with his hands to underline his statement. "Maybe I'm too romantic but... I think I still have to meet that one woman of my life."

Toma started giggling, almost falling from his chair, causing this colleague to throw an upset look at him. "I'm sorry but... romantic says the Casanova, give me a break, seriously."

"Forget it," Jun rolls his eyes again. It's just impossible to hold a serious conversation with that guy.

"So let me get this summarized," the other man chuckles once more before he tries getting serious. "Your strategy to find that one right woman is to try it with every woman you meet, right?"

"Asshole," Jun murmurs, turning away and snapping his project details. For him, the conversation is over.

"Wow, is that my new nickname?" Toma pretends to be surprised.

"I'm not that bad," Jun growls, his lips again forming a pout.

"If you say so, Mr. I-fuck-every-woman-I-meet."

Jun throws a death glare at his colleague, his lips forming again, "Ass-hole."

Toma lifts his eyebrows again, leaning back in his chair cockily. "You're not really creative today, really."

"I'm very sorry, Mr. I-think-I'm-so-fucking-smart."

"Hm," Toma tilts his head, "Better," he nods, before finishing his coffee.

Jun rolls his eyes again and decides to ignore his buddy for the next few hours. As funny as this guy is, as annoying he is too at times, he just isn’t really in the mood for more stupid comments. Instead, he better reviews some of his research material again and prepare properly for the kabuki performance in the evening. With one thing, Toma is right. Jun is capable of providing a good report - as always - no matter what it is about, even if it's something boring like a kabuki performance.

- + -

Maybe the young man underestimated the magic of kabuki, or he just needed the right motivation to find himself wrapped in this sort of thing. However, as soon as he is sitting in the middle of the audience, surrounded by a really varied mixture of people of all ages and genders, looking forward to the performance excitedly, he would be a liar if he said he's not impressed.

The stage looks marvellous, he has to admit, strong colours, and typical Japanese ornaments everywhere and the atmosphere is just fantastic. When the music starts, everyone becomes quiet at once. The lights get a bit dimmed to let the spotlights get focused onto the stage and the story can begin. Jun sits close to the hanamichi, the walkway part of the stage that leads from a back entrance to the front stage, and like everybody else he turns his head and looks to the back as one of the spot lights gets directed there to support the first big entrance for the first act.

The costume of the male main character looks awfully expensive and heavy. And Jun cannot help but admire how well the actor is able to move despite the seemingly massive costume and the long white-haired wig, as he walks along the hanamichi until he reaches the front stage and poses impressively, his presence filling the room and making the audience hitch in reverence. The strong make-up is stunning and as unnatural as it seems, as well it fits into the whole scene, to the costume and the setting. The whole face painted white, the colourful strong lines in black and red emphasising the facial aspects and strengthen the lines, defining the character.

If Jun hasn't been impressed by now, the next appearance manages to steal his breath. The music - compared to the strong intro - now becomes soft; the light again focuses onto the back entrance, welcoming the next character. Countless cherry flower petals fall from the ceiling when the female protagonist appears on stage, the costume impressive and heavy too but much more elegant than that of the male character. The different patterns of gold and red embroidered kimono shine in the light, creating a dazzling effect. The white make-up is softer, more feminine of course and the long black hair is towering the top of the head in an impressive up-do. The actor's - or actress' - face is just beautiful. The white colour surrounding the eyes make them shine and sparkle, the tiny red lipsticked mouth looks just too sweet and the gracious movements of the person dressed in those marvellous kimono enchant not only Jun but also the rest of the audience.

When the woman slowly walks - no, floats - over the walkway, she comes to a halt in the middle of the long stage, turning to each side before she opens her mouth. She is about to say something when for just a tiny little moment her eyes meet Jun's and the young man's world freezes. This is she. The most wonderful woman on earth. And Jun wants to get to know her, for all costs.

Yes, although knowing that in kabuki it was tradition that men also play female roles, Jun is convinced, that this must be a woman, even if female actors were still quite rare at this time. Also, the program has shown male as well as female names on the roles of the cast. However and whoever this might be, Jun is completely sure about it, he is looking right into the eyes of the most beautiful woman he has ever seen.

- + -

After the performance, during which he has to admit he hasn't been as concentrated on the plot as he should have been, too much enchanted by the wonderful female lead actress, Jun immediately studies the pamphlet, searching for the list of the cast again. And there it is. Ohno Satoko, that is what is written there, plays the female main character and Jun is sure that this is the one, he's searching for.

He hurries to leave his seat, apologizing when he squeezes through the rows, passing girls in kimonos that flail over the male lead, old couples who still talk about the story of the play and the wonderful music. Jun though has only one thing in his mind – Ohno Satoko and that he has to meet her, no matter what it takes.

He makes use of his press card and it seems there is no problem for him to get backstage, at least he is allowed to enter the corridor to the dressing rooms. That's when things get a bit harder. He looks at several doors, spotting the name he is searching for listed with other names next to one of the doors and takes a deep breath as he stops in front of it. Of course, the door is closed and so he knocks, waiting with a running heartbeat for it to open.

A woman – not the one he's searching for – peaks her head out of the room, asking him what he wants. Jun enthusiastically introduces himself and asks if there is the opportunity to ask Ohno Satoko for an interview. The woman tilts her head and promises to ask, making Jun wait in the corridor after he presses onto the fact that it is really important. He sways on his feet, nervously, waiting, greeting the other people walking around the corridor, bowing deeply to the actors as they pass him.

"Excuse me uhm… Matsumoto-san is it, right?" the woman from before taps Jun's shoulder to make him look at her.

He immediately turns to her, stiffening. "Yes?"

"I'm afraid Ohno-san is too busy right now," she says, bowing slightly. "If you can wait for a while, it may be possible but otherwise, please ask someone else for an interview."

She is about to close the door when Jun puts his hand against it, leaning a bit forward, darting his desperate eyes at the woman. "No, I can't, I need to talk to her."

The woman cringes slightly at the man's persistent behaviour. "As I told you, she is too busy, I'm very sorry."

Then, another woman pulls the door open and hurriedly steps out into the corridor and suddenly Jun feels like he's caught in a scene of slow motion. His head turns, his nose takes in the sweet scent of a floral perfume and when his eyes catch the woman's face, even if it is just for a moment, he immediately recognizes the actress from the kabuki stage.

"Ohno-san, excuse me!" he calls out immediately, his hand reaching at the woman's wrist before he realizes what he's doing.

The woman turns at him, surprised and again, there it is, that strange feeling when they lock eyes. Her brown eyes pierce him and Jun's heart feels like it's about to burst, he can feel his own heartbeat in his throat, his ears, his head, and it's like nothing else than him and this woman exist in the world right now.

They look at each other for a moment, saying nothing, Jun still holding the woman's hand and he can feel his heartbeat even reaching his fingertips. He gulps. It's now or never.

"You are Ohno Satoko-san, right?" he asks, surprised that his voice doesn't abandon him.

"Yes...," the woman says.

The young journalist introduces himself, and his lips are like moving on their own, complimenting this beautiful woman for her wonderful performance, before he finally asks her for an interview, again, almost pleading. He doesn't know why and where this conviction is coming from but he just knows that this may be her – the woman of his life. He cannot let her go now. No, not now that he finally met her.

To his surprise, Ohno immediately accepts despite the fact that she's supposed to be busy according to her assistant and he cannot believe his luck when the woman accepts to follow him outside in a nearby cafe so that they won't get interrupted during their interview. He finally lets go of her hand, apologizing and hopes that she doesn't notice his burning cheeks when he shows her the way out, letting her go first.

The café is perfect, the interior and the colours are comfortable and even a tiny bit romantic. There is light music in the background and they find a very nice spot at the back of the cafe, quiet and just for them. The scent of the tea they are served blends nicely with the light floral perfume Ohno is wearing and Jun feels more like being in a dream than in the middle of an interview. The woman's smile and her natural but cute behaviour is so enchanting that Jun has quite a bit trouble concentrating on his questions.

He tries his best to be charming, but not too demanding, not too flirty. He's nervous and he has to admit that it's actually a first time for him to be so nervous in the presence of a woman when usually it seems to be the most natural and easiest thing for him to flirt with someone. However, this just proves him even more that this time it is different. That this woman is different and it excites him to a degree he never reached before.

While asking her some questions about the kabuki performance, about her job and her view on kabuki, Jun doesn't even realize how fast time passes and how late it's gotten already when Ohno finally points out that it is time to leave.

"I'm really sorry, I'd love to continue our conversation but I have to get early tomorrow, university, you know?" she says.

Jun looks at her, a bit surprised. "Oh, so you're a student along with your acting career? I thought, you're a pro!"

She looks at Jun a bit shyly and smiles cutely as she brushes a strand of her beautiful brown hair behind her left ear. "Thank you very much, Matsumoto-san, but basically, I'm only an actor during my spare time while trying to be a proper student."

"May I ask what your major is?" Jun asks, not hiding his curiosity.

"I'm majoring in Arts," Ohno answers.

"That's really impressive. You're really an artistic person, aren't you?" Jun asks with a wide smile, looking at the woman, feeling impressed.

"I try to become better in the things I'm good at," she says, blushing nicely.

"Which university do you attend?" the young journalist asks and yes, he knows that this is not a question appropriate for an interview and no, he doesn't care any longer.

"Seijo University," Ohno tells him without hesitation.

"Wow, that's some pretty famous university!" he marvels.

Again there is this cute and shy expression on the girl's face. Jun loves it. "I guess so... "

There are a few minutes of silence between them and even if Ohno has pointed out already that it's getting late, maybe she doesn't really want to leave yet, Jun thinks for a moment. Just like him. But she seems to be a responsible young woman and she surely doesn't want to set her university obligations on stake.

"So... it's getting late, isn't it?" he finally picks up, making her look at him. "Please allow me to take you home."

Ohno chuckles slightly and Jun immediately realizes how strange this must have sounded right now. "I mean... to the train station or something. I'm sorry, it's not that I…"

"No worries," the woman says, lifting her hand to her lips to cover a laughter. "I understood what you meant. I'm taking the bus home. I'd appreciate if you'd guide me to the station." She turns to a waiter nearby. "Excuse me? We would like to pay, please."

"Let me do this," Jun insists and pulls out his wallet when the bill arrives.

"Really?" the woman asks surprised. "I cannot accept this!"

"Of course you can, "Jun flashes her a convincing smile, "After all, I stole your precious time, it's the least I can do."

"I enjoyed it, to be honest. The time you stole from me. I don't mind at all," Ohno says, a bit shyly and Jun's heart blooms again.

"I'm very happy then."

"Thank you very much for the tea."

They stand up and like a real gentleman, Jun helps Ohno into her coat before they leave the cafe together, strolling to the nearest bus station. Although it's quite a late hour already, the bus will still take about 15 minutes to arrive but honestly, the young journalist pretty much appreciates this since it means there is still a little time left to chat and that's what they do.

In the end, shortly before the bus is supposed to arrive, Jun decides to try his luck a last time for today. "Ohno-san?"

Their eyes lock again and the woman repeats that cute gesture of pushing her hair back behind her ear when Jun's heartbeat increases. "Yes?"

"I might be a little importunate but... may I get your number?" he asks straightforwardly.

Ohno looks at him, blushing nicely and averts her eyes before she chuckles slightly. She glances at him cutely, a smirk dancing on her lips. "Hm... that's really a little importunate, Matsumoto-san."

"I'm really sorry," the young journalist says but even if for the first time in his flirting career he indeed feels a little guilty for making the woman in front of him embarrassed, the urge of ensuring that they will be able to meet again is much stronger.

"You know...," the girl says in a flirty way. "The next time we meet, I'll tell you."
Jun arches his eyebrow. He cannot remember something like this ever happens. "The next time?"

Ohno nods. "The next time. Ah, my bus, I have to go."

"Ah, wa-wait! When will it be, the next time we meet?"

"That's up to you, Matsumoto-san," the woman smiles at him when the bus stops behind her.

Jun is completely speechless but not in a bad way. He's used to woman feeling embarrassed and flattered when he flirts with them and he's used to get every number he asks for, but this was definitely something new. Ohno challenges him. She seems to like him, seemed to be embarrassed and flattered too but she doesn't make it too easy for him and it makes Jun not only want her even more but also raises his respect for that woman.

Then, when she is about to get on the bus, she turns at him again, reaching her hands to brush them over Jun's cheeks. Intuitively, he steps closer, his eyes fixated onto her beautiful eyes. She leans forward, stretching a little to meet his height and he feels her warm breath breaking through the cool night air, hitting his ear.

"I've been waiting for you and I will be waiting for you," Ohno says, puzzling Jun's mind and exciting his heart.

She looks at him again and then she closes her eyes as she lays her soft lips onto his. It's a small kiss, maybe the most innocent kiss Jun has shared with a woman in his life, but his heart screams from joy and the butterflies in his stomach take off. He enjoys the sweet kiss and wishes it would never end, automatically leaning a little forward when Ohno finally draws back to hurry and catch the bus. Jun slightly brushes her hand for a last time and watches her getting on, smiling at him.

"Good Night, Matsumoto-san."

Her voice echoes in Jun's ears for the rest of the evening, even joining his dreams. He knows, he's in love. Really in love, maybe for the first time in his life.


- - + OHNO SATOSHI + - -


It is one of those days in which Ohno feels like dressing very feminine, maybe because he's already getting mentally prepared for playing his role at the Kabuki theatre this evening. On such days, Ohno takes – of course – much longer than usual in front of his wardrobe, facing the girl's collection, which is – of course – much larger and more colourful than his male clothes selection.

He reaches his hand out to a knee-long skirt, his favourite, wondering if it's still too cold to wear a skirt without tights. He hates tights, they make him feel too uncomfortable and constricted. But he loves this skirt. He decides to give it a try, it is spring after all and maybe stockings will do their job well enough to keep him from freezing. He takes his time to decide onto a nice top matching the skirt and after that opens another wardrobe with a small collection of wigs.

The good thing about not being a real girl is that Ohno can be whatever type of girl he wants to be, whenever he wants to be.

He always kept it a secret from his parents and his friends from school that he has this problem. Well, in fact, this isn't the right word but there are still circles in which his condition is being seen as a problem. In fact, it is just that he cannot really decide what he wants to be – a girl or a boy - and to be completely honest, he doesn't even want to decide and wants to live everything he is to the fullest.

Ohno Satoshi was born with the body of a boy - that is undoubtable. With this, the gender written on his birth certificate is of course male. About his personality though, his soul, things aren't as easy as the small sign on his identity card. Ohno sees himself as a man, but also as a woman.

He grew up as a boy, his parents treated him as a boy, bought him boy’s clothes and toys fitting for boys and he took every single gesture of love by his parents with gratitude, not making a fuss over a blue pullover when he wanted one in pink. He was always a good boy and grateful to his parents who worked hard to provide him and his sisters the best life possible. However, even more grateful Ohno is toward his sisters who allowed him to join their girl’s games whenever he felt like. During their childhood, his sisters quickly learned that their little brother is a bit different from other boys. Nevertheless, they never did mind and instead of different or strange they use to call him special and love him no less because of what he is.

To be honest, Ohno is fine with being seen as a man by most people and he even uses to refer to himself as a "he". It is much easier this way and he doesn't really care. Even if he uses a female name too when he appears as a woman, he doesn't hate it when people call him by his given name, Satoshi. He's fine with the gender on his identity card being male. He's fine with being called "-kun" and he's fine with his parents seeing him as a man and never even tried to convince them otherwise.

Usually, he refers to himself simply as "Ohno" though, keeping it neutral with the usage of his family name. He doesn't like making a fuss over things, he likes keeping things to himself. For his family – except of his sisters – he is a man. At university he is a man, at the doctor he is a man, for the state he is a man. That's not a problem. It's not like he wants to get surgery to change his body forcefully, he has long learned to accept what he is, no, who he is and he is convinced that his gender doesn't define him as the person he is, that this is the most important in his opinion.

Actually, Ohno even likes being a man, most of the time. Just sometimes, he wants to be more feminine than usual. More different from his usual self and those are the times when he lets his female side take the lead. In these moments, he likes dressing up nicely, he likes doing his nails or trying different hairstyles with his wigs or various make-up. He likes cuddling with his plush panda on his bed decorated with countless cute pillows and fluffy blankets. OK, this isn't limited to his girly days, he has to admit. He just loves fluffy stuff. Sometimes he even likes to go out as a girl, go shopping for nice girl clothes, eat a sweet strawberry crepes or ice cream with sugar sprinkles or go to karaoke to sing the latest female idol hits. Sometimes, when his sisters drop by to visit him, they do a girl's night and watch a sappy romantic love comedy, where the male actors' handsome faces on the screen make their hearts melt.

Sure, there is of course also the topic of love, and people might think that it is a bit complicated for Ohno. If people will ask him about his sexuality, he will probably say that he's gay. Considering the fact that he is physically identified as a man, most people see him as a man and he definitely likes men, no matter if he feels more like a boy or a girl on a specific day. He quickly realized that when he grew up with his sisters and found himself liking the same guys, the same idols and actors as they did, instead of girls. For him, this is just natural and when he started dreaming about a specific man - the lover of his dreams - around the age of 14, he wasn't surprised and enjoyed each and every dream that the mysterious man would appear in.

Ohno doesn't have a boyfriend at the moment. He tried being in a relationship twice but both times it didn't really work out and deep inside, Ohno knows that he was to be blamed. Not because of his situation itself but because for years, he is in love. As strange as it might sound, he is in love with the man in his dreams, the only person he ever might really be in love with, as he believed, even if he didn't meet him outside of his dream world - at least not yet. Ohno is convinced though that his dreams bear a deeper meaning. They seem to tell him a story, the whole story of him and this man, even if the time and place was a different setting. About the time when they first met, the time when they first kissed, the time when they married, the time when they first slept with each other...

Last night, Ohno dreamed of that man again and as always, they spent a wonderful time together. He even has to admit that this time it was one of those not-so-innocent dreams. Not that he minded. He enjoyed exploring the man's strong-built but slim body, his beautiful face with those full, beautifully waved lips, the small moles on and underneath his lips and those wonderful deep brown eyes, topped by thick, manly eyebrows.

Maybe it is the girl inside Ohno that makes him keep a dream diary since a couple of years ago. As soon as he has found out that the man in his dreams is appearing in them again and again, he started writing down his dreams, and discovered that - even in a mixed up order - it seemed to tell a complete life story of him and that man and it fascinates Ohno over and over. Sometimes, when he wakes up and he doesn't want to leave his dream world just yet, he even sketches a picture of his dream into his diary. His favourite image of course is the man he's dreaming about and Ohno is pretty proud of those portraits.

Ohno isn't very smart, that's what he believes. He hasn't been the best student at High School and he barely managed to get accepted to Seijo but Ohno has a lot of different talents. He's an artistic person. He draws, paints, he is a talented dancer and he loves acting. Next to his arts studies at university, he attends a couple of clubs, like the theatre club and the club for traditional Japanese dancing and music.

Furthermore, since a few years ago, he is part of a Kabuki ensemble, acting in female roles, so-called onnagata. When he entered the ensemble, he used his female name and his female personality for the first time in his life to introduce himself to new people. It was more like a spontaneous idea than a conviction of wanting to be seen as a woman entirely. Maybe it was more a test than anything else. He clarified from the start though then, that actually, he is a man, and the ensemble's other actors and the instructor accepted him as what he is, right away. In fact, they even appreciate his complex personality and the cross-dressing habit, thinking that it helps Ohno to enter those female roles even better. Further, even if in classic kabuki only men were allowed to act, no matter if whether male or female roles, nowadays, the rules aren't as strict any longer in some circles and it seems like Ohno has slipped into one of the more open-minded ones here, thankfully.

Soon, he has proved his acting talent. He has a very special presence, his graceful movements coming from his dance background, proving their advantage immediately, his cute, slightly round face being a perfect base for the female make-up and his naturally slightly high-pitched voice fitting in perfectly too. His popularity is rising gradually and his roles becoming more and more important with each play. They even say, he might be able to become a professional kabuki actor, making a living from it. Ohno seriously considers this goal, planning to focus on it once he graduated from university next year. He doesn't want to waste his parents' money as they paid for his university fees, even if they are not really interested in the artistic path that he has chosen. Because of this, he also keeps it a secret that he is doing kabuki, knowing that they won't be really interested in it. Also, the fact that he uses his female name in the group doesn't make it easier to tell them.

Being part of the kabuki ensemble and being able to act in female roles are things that please his female side very much and maybe that is why it shows up on such days so obviously. Ohno will have another few hours until he has to show up for the last practise before the actual show this evening. Maybe, he will go out for some ice cream before heading to the theatre. He is excited, since he will be playing one of the main roles in tonight's play.

Ohno looks at the full body mirror hanging on the wall in this bedroom, examining his appearance from head to toes. The dark brown, shoulder long curly wig and the brown make-up topped with black mascara and a slight pink coloured lip balm fits the healthy tone of his skin and the beige top matches perfectly with his favourite blue skirt.

Ohno smiles and makes a cute pose before he reaches out to his self-crocheted blue bag to make his image perfect. He knows he is a strong woman and he knows he is ready to conquer the world.

- + -

Ohno almost fails his first line when he's finally on stage, dressed up in something that feels like a mountain of different coloured, wonderfully embroidered kimono layers, his face painted white, his lips deep red, and wearing a wig with long black hair, towered in an impressive pinned-up hairstyle. He isn't nervous, he never is on stage, and usually, he's utterly focused and would never miss his start but this time, something is different. He feels it as soon as he sets his foot onto the stage, and he gets confirmed almost immediately when he lets his look run over the audience as he approaches them via that hanamichi until he spots a very familiar face there, close to the place he's standing now, looking at him. Spotting him.

Him, that means, literally, the man of his dreams.

Quickly, Ohno gets back into his role, he has to concentrate, has to focus on the story he and the other members of the ensemble are telling and especially with him sitting in the audience, Ohno is sure that he has to give more than his best. He wants that man to notice him.

His plan seems to work out pretty well when Ohno realizes that the man in the audience, who seems to take notes about the play repeatedly - maybe he was a reporter or something - but actually always takes a break and simply looks at him when it's Ohno's turn. Maybe he is imagining things. Maybe he just sees what he wants to see, but Ohno doesn't care. The simple thought of being watched by this man who for some miraculous reason looks exactly like the man in his dreams, gives him strength and energy, gives him the power to act his role to its fullest and to make the audience burst out in excitement after the story is finished being told.

Ohno doesn't hear the wave of applause at the ending of the play when he stands there lined up with his fellow actors, because everything he can focus on is just that man, just that face. For the first time this evening, he wonders and he gets a little scared when one thought pops up his mind.

What, if he isn't real?

What if this is just one of his dreams? Ohno panics a little, his heart sinking into his stomach. He has to find out. He has to make sure that this isn't just a dream and that this man is actually real.

After the last greeting, the actors leave the stage and hurry backstage to change. Ohno is very impatient when he reaches the dressing room, asking one of the female staff members to help him get out of those numerous layers of heavy fabric and cleaning his face from the thick white make-up. He dresses back into his private clothes, puts on the wig hastily, just sorting a few strands of hair and just quickly puts back on some light make-up and mascara, some lip balm to complete his appearance. Instinctively, Ohno wants him to see him at his most beautiful.

"Ohno-san!" a staff member suddenly calls out for him. "There is someone outside from a local magazine. He wants to interview you."

"What?!" Ohno panics slightly, he doesn't have time for this now, he has to hurry, go out and search for the man from his dreams before it's too late - if he didn't leave already. "Ah, can't you tell him to interview someone else from the cast? I have something really urgent to do!"

The staff member looks a bit critical at Ohno, turning down an interview can be troublesome. He knows that he is being impolite but what if this is a one-time chance to meet the man from the audience again?

"He says it's really important..."

"Then ask him if he can wait for a while, I'll try to be back as soon as possible," Ohno says, packing his few belongings and waving good bye to his fellow actors before rushing out of the room.

"Ohno-san, excuse me!"

It's just when he passes a few people standing outside in the corridor, when someone grabs his wrist to make him stop, calling his name. Ohno freezes slightly at the sound of that voice. A very familiar voice that he has never heard before - at least not for real.

When he turns around, his eyes widen in surprise and his heart skips a beat as he immediately recognizes the face in front of him. He has drawn it so often, each and every line, each and every mole, each and every single eyelash and the warm sparkle in those eyes. He has dreamed so often of this face, this soft, pale skin, the soft hair, those wonderful, kissable lips. It's him, Ohno cannot believe it...

He stops, well aware of the fact that the other man is still holding onto his wrist, which makes Ohno's heart beats fast and erratic.

"You are Ohno Satoko-san, right?" the young man asked to confirm and Ohno cannot believe that he is actually here to see him.

"Yes...," Ohno says.

"My name is Matsumoto Jun, I'm a journalist from Tokyo Himawari and I just want to tell you that your performance was splendid," the young man starts talking. "I am quite new to kabuki, to be honest but what you did up there on stage is just… I don't have words for it. I am very sorry for being annoying, but do you have a few minutes for a short interview?"

He looks at Ohno, an almost pleading impression on his beautiful face and Ohno's heart melts. He has a hard time not to blurt out that he is searching exactly for him and that now that he has found him - or the other way round - he doesn't plan on leaving anywhere anytime soon.

Ohno willingly agrees to Matsumoto's invitation to join him for a cup of tea in the nearby café where they will have a bit of privacy for themselves in order to take the interview. The ambience is beautiful, even a little romantic and Ohno chuckles, feeling amused when he imagines him and Matsumoto being on a date. By the time the tea gets served, the young journalist is already in the middle of asking Ohno various things about kabuki, about being a woman working in this field, about goals, ambitions, whatever that comes to his mind.

One after another Ohno answers each and every question as good as he can with his limited concentration. In fact, he's burning to ask his own questions to that man like "Why do I dream about you almost every night?" but he doesn't and instead for now enjoys the full attention the other is paying at him. He likes the way Matsumoto looks at him, seemingly interested in each and every word that leaves his lips. He likes the way the man smiles back when he flashes him a smile and he loves how he blushes slightly, each and every time their eyes meet.

This must be fate, is what Ohno thinks, not only after their short interview which has turned into something really more similar to a date halfway than a work related conversation.

Ohno is utterly happy when Matsumoto wants to bring him to his station, probably to make sure that he will get home safely. This man was just too cute to be true. When the journalist asks for Ohno's number then though, the latter gives it a second thought. If this really is fate, wouldn't it be just too blunt to just ask for a number to stay connected? Up to now Ohno had been connected to Matsumoto through his dreams, even if they didn't really meet, and now after such a long time, they actually have met, wouldn't it be possible, that their paths will cross again?

Maybe, Ohno is thinking in a bit too romantic way. Maybe, this is because today, he is a girl. But he wants to challenge fate again, one last time, to make this even more exciting, to test, if they are really meant for each other. With this, Ohno refuses to give Matsumoto his number and instead promises him to give it to him the next time they meet.

When the bus draws in at the station and comes really close, Matsumoto looks at him with almost desperate eyes and Ohno's heart twitches immensely. It's then when he cannot hold back anymore and leans a bit forward, stretching his body to meet the taller man's height.

"I've been waiting for you my entire life and I will be waiting for you again," Ohno whispers in the journalist's ear and when he puts his lips onto Matsumoto's for a tender kiss shortly after, he just knows that they will meet again.


Chapter 2 – Part 1