Back to Chapter 5 – Part 1


- - + NINOMIYA KAZUNARI + - -


Maybe, Nino is a little prude. Or maybe, so far he just wasn't interested enough in sex to explore it further. He's not a virgin, he had a couple of girlfriends and of course tried one thing or another but somehow, it never felt right. Well, since he met Sho, even if he is taking his sweet time to get to know him better, to connect his increasingly frequent dreams about their joint past (as unbelievable as it sounds), he thinks that this fact might change very soon. He started dreaming of him and their joint past and especially since he finally accepted that they are meant to be together, those dreams are getting more intense and… intimate.

They didn't have sex yet and since Nino isn't experienced with guys, he'd be a liar if he says he isn't a little nervous and maybe that's why he doesn't want to rush things. However, the longer he and Sho are together, especially if they share the same room, the same bed, the more he's getting curious. He loves kissing the other, he loves getting touched by the other and he wants more. And his dreams, getting less and less innocent, are adding up to this. Somehow, Nino felt prepared. He felt ready.

Just, that the timing now is bad. Just when Nino is almost ready to take the last step and offer Sho more between them, they get separated by the circumstances. Nino can’t complain of course, since the emergency is a huge problem for his friend and helping him is much more important than something like having sex now. Nevertheless, it follows him into his dreams and makes him hungry. Eager to see Sho again and to do things with him that he so far... well... only dreamt of.

Nino opens his eyes, staring up to the ceiling of the apartment he's sleeping in, his mind sharp and his breath a bit hitching. He feels the heat in his face and quickly hides underneath the blanket to give himself a few seconds to calm down from his dream. He almost feels guilty, having somewhat erotic dreams at such times when he's sleeping in the same room with his heartbroken friend, but he just can't help it. He takes a deep breath and crawls out from underneath the blanket again, reaching out to find his cell phone that should be lying somewhere close, to check the time.

The next thing that Nino sees on his cell phone screen this morning isn't only an unanswered call from his mother but also a super sweet mail by Sho. The young man cannot help but smile happily, feeling his heart tightening slightly from joy. He rolls onto his back and types a reply, taking much too long while trying to find the perfect words and trying not to use those embarrassing heart emoji that he for some reason wants to use so much. He reads the message like three times before he finally sends it out and puts his phone back on its place next to his futon on the ground.

"Your boyfriend?" a weak voice coming from the bed asks and when Nino turns, he sees Ohno lying there, as pale as the other day.

"Eh?" Nino blushes. He feels caught. Hopefully, he didn't do anything embarrassing while dreaming this night...

"You're smiling, so I thought maybe you got a message from your boyfriend. The assistant professor, right? He brought over your stuff. It sounded like you two get along pretty well," Ohno continues, smiling faintly.

"Ah yeah, we… it's pretty fresh though," Nino answers sheepishly. They didn't talk about it yet, Nino found it inappropriate to tell his friend about the happy development in his private life when for Ohno everything seemed to have crushed.

"I'm happy for you," the other says. "Sorry for keeping you away from him."

Nino finally sits up, looking at his friend, shaking his head. "It's OK, really, don't worry about it. Your situation is more important now. Were you able to sleep a bit?"

Ohno doesn't answer but it's not necessary, seeing the dark circles around his puffy eyes. He didn't sleep much since what happened with Matsumoto.

"I guess we should get up and make breakfast, the appointment is at 10," Nino continues, setting an example and getting up, folding his futon to make more space. "What do you want to eat?"

"I don't know…," Ohno murmurs, not making any signs of getting up.

"I'll find something in the kitchen and make something. Just get dressed, OK?" Nino suggests and makes his way.

Yes, as much as Nino wants to explore his newfound relationship with Sho, right now, this is not the right time for it. Right now, Nino has to take care of Ohno who seemed to have literally knocked on death's gates, to beg for a new life, to beg for another chance with his lover Matsumoto in his next life.

Unfortunately, Nino cannot say that he is too surprised about Matsumoto's reaction to Ohno's secret. It's sad but they knew that it was risky and that the possibility existed that Matsumoto would be shocked – too shocked – and possibly reject Ohno. Like the young man himself said, it's understandable that Matsumoto got a shock from Ohno's revelation that he's not a woman but a man, physically, and it's also understandable that he said he needs some time to think about it. However, it is not acceptable that the other man cut ties with Ohno completely as it seems. He doesn't answer the phone nor replies to mails, not even for one proper talk to at least cleanly end things, if this is what he wants.

Nino feels horrible about the deep sadness and despair of his friend. This must be what a broken heart feels like, he thinks and suddenly, he hopes that the hearts he broke don't suffer as much as his friend's now.

It's been about four days now that Nino stays at Ohno's place and thankfully Nino could convince his fellow student, not to end his life, which he's sure that the other truly considered, thinking about the fact that he's convinced that he will be reincarnated. The argument that suicide will probably shrew up Ohno's karma and that in his next life he can possibly not become better, finally worked, to Nino's relief. Further, he was also able to convince his friend to not rush things and to properly think about his second idea – getting surgery to become a real woman.

Ohno thought about it for a few days, but in the end, he decides that he wants to talk to someone for once to get some professional advice at least. So, Nino made an appointment at a doctor for Ohno as soon as possible. He already gave some information about Ohno's situation to the assistant on the phone to make sure the doctor is prepared for it. As promised, Nino offers to accompany the other and this is how they end up here, in the consultation room of a doctor today, a few hours later. It's a little awkward and definitely not a usual doctor's appointment but both, Nino and Ohno know that this is the first necessary step on what’s a probably very long way. It's not like you can change gender from one day to another, after all…

"So, Ohno-san, you're thinking about having surgery to become a woman?" the doctor asks with a friendly smile. He seems like a very patient person, probably necessary in this job, Nino thinks.

Ohno doesn't reply. Nino looks at him, pitiful. He can only imagine how confused and nervous his friend must feel right now. Just when he wants to part his lips to answer on behalf of his friend, the doctor clears his throat and Nino looks at him again.

The doctor continues, slowly, after taking another closer look at the documents in front of him. "I think, judging from the information that I got from your friend... that you aren't completely ready yet for this, are you? It seems that you yourself started to doubt your feelings about yourself only recently but you seemed to be fine with it before. You don't hate being a man, right?"

Ohno slightly shakes his head. "I don't."

"So why now?" the doctor asks in a friendly voice.

"I... you see... it's because of him...," Ohno starts but he isn't able to finish the sentence, falling silent again.

"Your partner?"

The doctor looks at Nino who is sitting in the chair next to Ohno, stiffening and quickly shakes his head. Ohno mirrors the gesture, a faint smile on his lips.

"Ah no, not him, Nino here isn't my partner," Ohno says. "He's my dear friend, but I'm talking about someone else."

The doctor makes some notes, nodding in understanding. "I see. So it's about another man… Someone you are in love with? Sorry for the intimate question."

"Yeah, I'm in love with him," Ohno answers honestly.

"And does he love you too?"

"I think... he likes me. Or… liked me before I told him about being genderqueer," the young man sighs.

"Does he know you as a man too or just as a woman?"

"We got to know each other when I was dressed as a woman. I felt like a woman in his presence, it's a little complicated," Ohno rubbed his forehead slightly. "We started dating and I didn't think about everything until it kind of hit me that he might only like the female me and so I told him the truth before… we got too intimate."

"How did he react? Did he yell at you? Did he get aggressive in some way?"

"No," Ohno replied, shaking his head. "Well, he said that I betrayed him and that he needs time to think, then he just left and since that day I cannot reach him. I guess it was a huge shock for him and he doesn't want to see me… obviously..."

"Well," the doctor said. "At least he didn't get violent. In fact, I don't think that it sounds so bad, are you hoping for him to come back?"

To be honest, those are exactly Nino's thoughts, it doesn't sound that bad. However, on one side, he doesn't want to raise hope in Ohno without any basis and the fact that Matsumoto isn't contactable at all doesn't provide that much space for hope… and probably this is also what Ohno is thinking.

"Since he knows the truth, and ignores all my attempts to contact him, I fear he won't come back," the young man's voice cracked slightly.

Nino frowns sympathetically when he sees Ohno's wet eyes. He reaches his hand out to touch his arm in a small comforting gesture. He might not be able to help in this situation, but he at least wants the other to know that he's there.

"Is it possible that you think that if you were a woman, he might return to you?"

"...It's my only hope," Ohno finally replies after a few seconds of silence. He's trembling slightly.

"Did he tell you that he can only love you if you become a woman?"

Ohno shakes his head.

"Does he know that you're thinking about undergoing a gender change?"

Again, shaking of the head.

"Maybe you should talk to him again, text him at least if you cannot reach him. Confirm his feelings toward you. You haven’t talked a single word since he found out the truth, right?"

The young man shakes his head again.

The doctor leans a bit forward on his table and folds his hands. "He might be still under shock. This isn't meant to be rude but if he fell in love with your female self and didn't suspect you to be a man, the revelation must have been huge, maybe even traumatic. Especially if he's a straight man. Do you know for sure that he's straight?"

A nod. "I'm pretty sure about it. He mentioned that he had other girlfriends before but that I am special to him."

"You think he's only referring to you as a special woman?" the doctor asks. "Or do you think it's possible he referred to you as a person special to him?" When Ohno doesn't answer, the doctor continues. "Don't you think that if you give him a bit more time, maybe write him a letter and explain things again to him that he will change his mind and get used to the idea of you being a man?"

"But if he really is straight…," Nino chimes in, voicing Ohno's doubts aloud.

After all he knows about them being the reincarnations of a married couple, a man and a woman. Considering the sexual orientations of Ohno, who is again interested in men, even if he is not born as a woman this time; Sho, as well as Nino, the chances that Matsumoto was straight in his former life and also is in his current life, are high. Or is there a chance that Matsumoto is bi? Or maybe… becomes bi, for Ohno's sake? According to Ohno's stories they loved each other so much in the past and their love survived through the reincarnation process, making them fall in love with each other again in this life. It's a miracle, even if there is this big obstacle right now. But isn't there a chance that their love can overcome this obstacle? Is there still room for hope?

"To be honest, Ohno-san," the doctor continues. "I believe that there is the possibility that he still likes you. This is not a guarantee, but otherwise, his reaction towards your real gender might have been different, more aggressive, for example. You said he was not aggressive towards you, was he?"

"Not at all, he was more… hurt. But… you see, things are a little more complicated," Ohno answers and Nino can only imagine that he is referring to their joint past. To the fact that Matsumoto was in love with him once, a long time ago, well, with a female version of him.

"What do you mean?" the doctor asks and Nino looks at Ohno, a bit nervous, wondering how far his friend might go, how much he is willing to tell.

Surprisingly, Ohno decides to go with the truth, probably knowing that it's risky, but this is how he is, he's honest and straightforward, that's how he approached Nino too regarding this topic. "You might call me crazy, Sensei, but… do you maybe believe in things like reincarnation?"

The doctor looks at Ohno, then he exchanges a short look with Nino who just looks back with a serious face, before he focuses on Ohno again. After a second, the doctor replies. "... That's a very philosophical question, isn't it, Ohno-san? I have to admit that from my scientific point of view, I cannot really say that I believe in reincarnation. But of course, this doesn't mean that it doesn't exist."

Well, at least he didn't call them crazy.

"I don't want to force my belief about this on you, but I do believe in reincarnation," Ohno answers, honestly. "And I am convinced that in my former life, I was a woman. And he was my husband."

"Is that why you think you should be a woman again in this life?" the doctor asks but Ohno doesn't answer. "But even if, let's say, you two really are the reincarnations of a couple in your former life, does it mean that you have to be a couple again? Maybe, you aren't meant to become a couple again in this life. Maybe you are just meant to be friends."

It must appear like a harsh thought to Ohno, but Nino has to admit that he already considered this option too. However, he isn't sure if giving up so easily is OK. Seeing how deeply Ohno is in love with Matsumoto, Nino wants to believe that this is just a challenge for the couple, to see, if they are worth to be together again or something crazy like this. It's not like he actually understands how fate works, but isn't it possible? The young man – most likely just like Ohno too – is drawn in between wanting to give up and wanting to keep hoping. This cannot be over now, there must be something they can do, or at least try. Giving up without trying is something that Nino did too often in his life already, and he's sick of it. He wants to give all he can to help Ohno to not give up yet.

"I do believe that we're meant for each other," Ohno replies, looking directly at the doctor. "I will fight for it. We will be a couple again."

"So you want to become a woman for this man?"

"If this is what it takes to get him back, yes."

"Ohno-san, please. I think you should think about this surgery topic again, very thoroughly. This isn't something you should decide to do for someone else, it's a huge change that concerns you and your body and it will be a long process. A psychologist will need to get you a certificate that states your mindset is the one of a woman so that you will not regret your decision later. I can send you to one of course, but it's up to them and you how things will progress further. And I'll be frank, it's against a doctor's ethic to agree to your request if I am not 100% convinced that you really want this and that you are ready for this. Then you will have to start taking hormones pills, for quite a while. Surgery will only be the last step on a long way," the doctor says and Nino is glad to hear some professional saying what he has been trying to tell his friend. "You should definitely talk to that man again. At least you have to tell him about your plans. If you two are meant to be together, maybe he can overcome his doubts without having you going under this surgery. After all, changing your gender has a huge impact on your body and is filled with risks, mentally as well as physically. Think about it, do you really want that?"

"I just want him to love me," Ohno says in a whispering voice, heavy with the tears that are waiting in his eyes to run down his cheeks.

"But at what price?" the doctor asks.

Ohno doesn't say anything, and Nino can catch despair, doubt and fear in his eyes, mixing with his determination. He reaches out to hold his friend's hand.

"Senpai, please, let's try to find another way first."

- + -

Indeed, Nino has an idea up his sleeve for this another way of trying to fix things, even if at first, he's not sure of how Ohno will react to it. It can be risky. It can reveal more about Ohno than he is willing to share but Nino wants to try and suggest it to his friend, bearing his straight-forwardness and honesty in mind. And indeed, when he tells him about it, Ohno's reaction is quite positive.

"I can write a script based on yours and Matsumoto's story and we can use it in the theatre club for a performance," Nino tells him once they are back in Ohno's apartment. When the other looks at him, confused, the young man continues to explain his plan. "About your past life, and your current life and about fate messing with the two of you. Maybe, if we tell the whole story on stage and Matsumoto sees it – kind or from the position of an outsider – he gets the big picture and is able to think about it in a different way?"

Yeah, the idea is risky and Nino will have to base the script on a quite detailed plot in order to be able to reach Matsumoto. Plus they don’t even know if he will come watching the play once they hold it. But somehow, Ohno's eyes get brighter, with hope sprouting again, and he urges Nino to tell him more about his plan.

The theatre club is quickly persuaded over Nino's idea for a new play. Of course, he doesn't tell anyone about how much truth lies in it, but the members of the club find the story and the diverse topics of reincarnation, soulmates and genderqueerness quite interesting and worth telling a story about it. It may be a bit risky, still the world – also the academic world – isn't open-minded enough for something like that but the students see it as their obligation to guide people's eyes towards such topics. Two days later, preparations are already in full operation. While Nino is working on high speed on the script and dialogues, others already started working on the stage design and more. They plan to set the play on stage soon, as soon as possible.

Nino and Ohno are even working on it during lunch breaks at university, well that is, if they are not eating or when Nino isn't busy with staring at Sho. The three of them go together on lunch breaks since Monday and Nino is happy to see that Sho and Ohno seem to get along well too. In the meantime, the young student told Ohno everything about him and Sho, about his returning memories, that they are kind of living together recently because of a fight with Nino's mom and whatnot. His friend is sincerely happy for him that he found his soulmate and supports them, even if he – along with Sho – suggested to Nino about making up with his mother. Ohno even agreed on telling Sho the whole story, it seemed natural to get him into the "inner circle" so to say, since he's one of them too, Ohno said. With one of them he means people who remember their previous lives, and this, Sho proved to Nino already, undoubtedly.

What's a little surprising is that it turns out that Sho actually knows Matsumoto Jun. Well, kind of. They met on the campus once and it seems they attended the same university. It sounds like a huge coincidence but if they follow Ohno's theory that if all four of them knew each other in their previous lives already, it would make sense. It seemed obvious that fate wanted them to cross each other's paths again. However, when Nino and Ohno told Sho Ohno's story, he remembered the guy from the magazine and suggested trying to get in contact with him too, if he doesn't react to Ohno's calls. It sounds like a plan and Ohno is thankful for each and every little help he could get.

Sho offers to take away the empty trays after lunch and disappears from their table for a while, when Ohno reaches out with his hand to touch Nino's arm who's hunched over his script, scribbling a few sentences on the paper, in deep concentration. Nino looks up at his friend, a bit confused.

"Don't you want to go back to Sakurai-san's place tonight?" Ohno suddenly suggests, smiling cutely.

"Eh?" Nino wonders. He's still staying at Ohno's place, almost a week now and he hasn't returned to Sho yet, still worried about leaving his friend alone. "But…"

"It's OK," Ohno says, pulling his hand back and resting his chin on it. "You've done so much for me already and I can see that you miss each other. I feel guilty for keeping you two separated."

Nino blushes slightly. He feels caught. "Are you sure?" he asks, a bit insecure if he should really consider the offer to go back. "Are you OK on your own?"

Ohno nods, confirming. "I'm fine now. You gave me hope, Nino and I'll owe this to you forever. I won't do anything stupid, I promise. Go back home, I know you want it."

"Can I trust you?" Nino asks with a critical look.

"You can," another smile of Ohno and this time, Nino is convinced.

Nino smiles, obviously excited, his heart beating a bit faster when he thinks about going back to Sho's apartment, cuddling with him under his blanket again, warm and cosy. "Alright."

"Ah," Ohno exclaims. "He's coming back."

Sho puts three cups of coffee onto the table that he brought along – Ohno immediately reaches at one, thankfully nodding - and settles down again on his seat next to Nino's. When he lets his hand slide onto Nino's back, letting his hand lay there, Nino feels like the skin underneath his clothes is burning from excitement.

"How are preparations going?" the assistant professor asks, leaning a bit closer over Nino's scribbling, making the student blush from the closeness.

"Nino is amazing," Ohno says. "He's almost finished with the script and it's gorgeous."

"Of course, since he is gorgeous," Sho answers with a cute chuckle and Nino's heart melts from it.

"Don't flatter me, Sho, I have to concentrate, this is very serious," the student pouts, trying to play it down and grabs his pen a bit firmer to focus again.

"I know, sorry for distracting your thoughts," the assistant professor smirks cheekily before he takes his own cup of coffee into his hand. "So I'll leave you guys here and return to classes and afterwards, I'll try to find out more about Matsumoto. I'll let you know when I have more information."

"Thank you very much, Sakurai-san," Ohno bows slightly.

"No problem. I'm sorry I can't be of more help."

"It's more than enough, really," the arts student replies.

Sho takes another sip of his coffee and then stands up, touching Nino's shoulder, who looks up at him.

"I'll call me in the evening at the latest?" the assistant professor asks.

Nino nods. "Alright."

"Then talk to you later. Good luck," Sho winks at him and Nino blushes again but doesn't avert his eyes. Instead, he keeps on watching his boyfriend as he leaves, until he's out of the canteen.

"You… don't want to return to him tonight?" Ohno then asks a bit puzzled.

Nino turns at him before he drops his gaze back to his papers. "Oh, I will."

"Ah, you want to surprise him?" it's as if Nino can almost hear the grin in his friend's question.

"Well, I thought it would be nice…," he says, embarrassed, scratching his cheek.

"Definitely. You two are so cute together."

- + -

When Nino ends the phone call with Sho a few hours later, sitting at Ohno's low table with some tea and snacks, his friend looks at him with wide, curious eyes. It seems that Sho has managed to find out something about Matsumoto when he called the magazine's phone number on the business card, even if the information is limited to that the young journalist is not in the office lately since he got assigned to a project in Hokkaido for a couple of weeks. Ohno looks a bit confused when Nino shares the news with him. Maybe this is, why the other is not contactable at the moment. Maybe he does not have time to deal with the situation with Ohno now, that he's busy with a project out of town. That could be possible.

Thus, Ohno is fine with the information and repeats again that Nino should leave to go back to Sho and that they will meet at university anyway to talk about the theatre project. Nino agrees, promising Ohno to keep him updated about every bit of news he gets and about his progress on the script and then, packs his stuff to get ready to head to Sho's apartment. Ohno gives him a big hug before he leaves and promises Nino, after he insisted on it, that he will call him if he needs him.

Nino is pretty nervous when he sets his foot into Sho's apartment complex. His heart is beating heavily from the excitement to see his boyfriend again and he is truly looking forward to sharing his bed again. Maybe, this night, even in a little less innocent way then what they are used to so far. It's not that this is the main reason for the young student to come back – to get laid – but he has to admit that he's thinking about what their reunion will be like, for days, and if they will finally take the next step, which is hovering between them, anyway.

Even if Nino thinks that he isn't cheesy at all, usually; he decides to give one of those famous deception tactics he knows from a bunch of romantic movies a try. He doesn't know what makes him want to do such a thing, maybe it's the overwhelming love he's experiencing recently. At times, he doesn't recognize himself anymore. It’s incredible how the encounter with Sho changed him, in a good way.

The young student takes out his cell phone before he enters the elevator, dialling his boyfriend's number and when the other answers the call almost immediately, he pretends that it is just a good night call to him – as if they haven’t said good night about an hour ago. Sho chuckles cutely, surprised but obviously very happy with Nino's call. When the young man exits the elevator on Sho's floor and shortly after presses the door bell, Sho just tells him to wait on the line, he'd just quickly open the door.

The assistant professor is literally astonished when he pulls open the door without looking at the visitor through the peeping hole first – his cell phone still pressed against his ear and he finds Nino standing there, flashing him a cheeky smirk. Surprised, Sho lowers his phone, pushing it into his jeans' pocket and the younger man mirrors his action. They look at each other for a few seconds, the attraction between them so tangible and so obvious that it's overwhelming. Nino gulps down the knot in his throat and tries to keep his heart from bursting. He has to pull himself together not to jump into the other man's arms immediately.

Sho bites his lower lip cutely before his lips curl into a happy smile. "It's you," he simply says.

"It's me," Nino answers, almost voicelessly.

"You're back."

"Seems so," the student tilts his head slightly.

"So… Ohno is OK now?" the other asks, knowing his boyfriend's concerns.

The student nods. "He said he is, yes. And I told him, I'm his 24 hours help hotline if he needs me."

"You're really a nice guy, Kazu," Sho says, smirking at the nice blush on his boyfriend's face.

"I-I just want to help my friend," the younger replies, embarrassed.

"Well, that's what a nice guy does, isn't it?" Sho asks. "Are you still fighting with your mom?"

"Yes…," Nino admits, lowering his look to the ground. "But… that's not the reason why I'm back, if that's what you think," he clarifies immediately.

Sho grins cutely. "You missed me?"

"You said, I can come back to you whenever I want to," Nino answers, trying to get around answering such an embarrassing question directly. Where did his cheesy attitude go, now that he's standing here in front of this man?

"That's what I said."

"You really mean it?" finally, Nino gathers the courage to lock eyes with the assistant professor again.

Sho smiles, sincerely. "Of course I do. And I'm really happy you came back."

"I may bother you for a few more days, if that's OK," the student says, his heartbeat back to racing.

"Sure," Sho leans his back against the doorframe; his hands casually in his pockets and Nino can't help but find the other absolutely sexy.

"I will sleep in your bed again," the young man answers and he'd be lying if he says his thoughts are completely innocent now.

"That's something, my boyfriend has the privilege to do," the other grins and judging from his expression, most likely, Sho's thoughts are not completely innocent either.

"May I really stay for a little longer?"

Sho reaches out one hand to Nino, smiling widely before he breaks into his usual cute chuckling. "Come in now or I'll carry you to my room."

"What a scary threat, Awkward," Nino replies jokingly, taking the other’s hand.

"Welcome back, Kazu," the other says, pulling the young student into the apartment, right into his arms after he closes the door.

Nino drops his bag onto the floor in the entrance area and wraps his arms around Sho's waist, pressing himself into the embrace as firm as he can. He presses his face against the soft fabric of the man's shirt, taking in his unbelievable comforting smell and even if they were talking to each other on the phone just a minute ago, even if they met each other just for lunch, it feels like a long awaited reunion that Nino doesn't want to let go of Sho ever again. He buries his hands at the back in Sho's shirt and Sho wraps his arms around Nino just as firm as the other. Nino feels the assistant professor's hand wandering to the back of his head, burying his fingers in his black hair. The second, the young student tilts back his head slightly to look at the taller man; Sho seals their lips with an eager kiss, causing the other to melt into their embrace even more, to sigh into their kiss with pleasure, making him finally feel complete again.

When Nino's knees get weak and threaten to give away under him, his boyfriend catches him in his embrace, pulling up his legs, making him lean closer as he carries him while standing. The change of position causes the younger to wrap his arms around Sho's neck now to find more stability, their lips just parting for a few seconds before they find each other again for another kiss. The assistant professor kicks away the bag that is lying in his way and starts walking, carrying Nino along the corridor – almost bumping him into the wall since he can't see due to being still occupied with kissing Nino passionately – until they finally reach Sho's room.

A second later, Sho leans forward, dropping Nino onto his bed, topping him just to bury the student in the soft bed sheet and pillow underneath him, before he continues kissing him lovingly, his forehead, his cheek, his lips, his chin.

"Sho, my shoes, my shoes!" Nino giggles. "I'm still wearing my shoes, your bed is getting dirty!"

"Let's throw them away, then," Sho answers and quickly reaches out to his boyfriend's feet to pull off his sneakers and literally throw them somewhere in his room. "Problem solved."

"I like your straightforwardness," Nino says appreciatively.

"Thanks," Sho smirks confidently.

The student reaches out his arms, circling them around Sho's neck and pulls him down again into a hug, pressing him close. They lie there for a few minutes, just cuddling, just enjoying being close to the other but they both cannot deny their growing desire.

"I really missed you," Sho whispers while he allows his hand to slide underneath Nino's shirt, the warmth of his hand spreading pleasantly. He starts kissing his boyfriend again, starting with a peck on his lips, locking eyes with him.

"I missed you too," Nino says, sincerely.

Sho kisses him again, his soft lips brushing against Nino's, slow and sweet and it's like the kiss is freezing time, Nino getting completely distracted from his surroundings. Sho ends their kiss and Nino sighs disappointedly, but it's just because the other wants to progress, allowing his lips to explore other parts of his beloved, again kissing his chin, following an invisible trace back until he reaches Nino's ear, causing him to giggle at that ticklish spot. Sho's kisses trail down Nino's neck and it excites the young student so damned much that he cannot control his breath that becomes hitching, and his body starts trembling slightly from the sensation.

The older man doesn't ask for permission as he lets his other hand continue in exploring Nino's skin under his shirt and starts pushing the piece of fabric upwards, further up until Nino automatically lifts his arms and Sho can push it over his boyfriend's head before letting it join the shoes somewhere on the floor. The cold air hitting Nino's body distracts him just for a second before Sho takes over the task of warming him with his hand and his lips immediately; spreading kisses all over his chest and letting his hands run up and down Nino's sides slowly.

A pleasuring shiver runs all over his body and the young man reaches his hands to touch Sho, his hair, his shoulders, everything he can reach, until Sho moves too much south to be in proper reach. The man teasingly kisses the very sensitive area underneath Nino's navel and caresses softly the small strand of hair, guiding a little but seductive way downwards to the slowly but surely growing bulge in Nino's pants, with his hands. Nino can't hold back a deep moan. He can't wait. Seriously, whatever Sho is up to, he cannot wait.

Sho's kisses follow his hands’ path backwards, up again. He teasingly lets his teeth brush over one of Nino's nipples before kissing his collarbones, his Adam's apple, then, again the sensitive spot near his ear, his curled up lips showing his obvious appreciation of the sensitive and excited reactions of his boyfriend's body. Nino tilts his head as Sho's tickling breath hits his ear.

"Sho…," the younger then whispers nervously, trying to make the other look at him. There is still one thing burning in him that he needs to get out. One thing he feels necessary to finally say, even if it must be obvious, even if the fact that they have been together once and are together again now, is the biggest proof for it, anyway.

"Yes?" Sho asks, looking at him with a loving expression, his hand caressing his boyfriend's face.

Nino feels that his cheeks must be blushing even more – if that is still possible. He parts his lips and looks Sho deep into his eyes. It's so easy, he just needs to say it. It's just three little words… His lips feel dry, as dry as his throat and his heart is beating so fast and intense; it feels like his whole body is shaking from it. Sho's closeness, the warmth in his look, the warmth spreading from his body, makes Nino almost feel like falling in a trance. He must be drunken from the love and the excitement he feels for this gorgeous man.

"I… I love you," Nino finally says before he presses his lips close, biting them, nervously.

He can't remember if he ever confessed to someone like this before and it feels strange, like you are laying your heart open in front of that one person and suddenly, Nino admires everyone who accomplished this step, because even if the feelings are so apparent and real, saying it, is another deal.

Thankfully, Sho catches him before Nino feels that he is losing ground from the nervousness. He catches him with his wide, loving smile and when he replies, "I love you too, Kazu, you can't imagine, how much," Nino's heart blooms in pure happiness.

He reaches with his hands to cup Sho's face, pulling him close for a kiss, pouring all of his emotions into it. Love, despair, desire, gratefulness, everything. Their kiss becomes more intense, heated, passionate and Nino knows that they will take the last step today, finally. He feels the love between them, and the need, the craving for each other. He feels ready and if he would be just a little braver, he would voice it out, just like his confession before, but Sho is faster this time.

"And I wantfall.

Sho shifts his body a little, supporting it with his elbows, still locking eyes with Nino. His look is so intense, so filled with desire - it thrills Nino. Sho brushes his hand through Nino's hair carefully. "You're ready for this?" he asks, concerned.

"Can't be more ready," the younger says, determined, pushing his lower body and his obvious excitement against Sho as proof.

Smirking at his boyfriend, Sho pulls off his own shirt quickly to reveal his well-built upper body, leaving Nino breathless at the sight. It's just then when Nino realizes once more that he never ever found any other person, no matter man or woman, more desirable than this man. And he's so excited, so immensely proud of the fact that he belongs to him, that he really stops breathing for a moment.

After another hot, loving kiss, Sho doesn't hesitate any longer and reaches out his hands to Nino's trousers, fumbling with the belt and zip to loosen them, to pull them down and free him. It doesn't take long until both of them are completely naked, underneath Sho's blanket and it's almost too hot for Nino to bear, especially when Sho starts touching him in the most intimate spot he can ever imagine. Sho takes his time, gives his boyfriend the chance to get used to the sensation. They never went this far, not in this life at least, and it must be new and maybe even a bit strange for the other. But Nino enjoys it, the new, unknown and so exciting form of contact he shares with his boyfriend now. Their hands all over their bodies, between their legs, caressing each other's manhood, getting to know the other's preferences, exploring reactions and desires. Nino wants this. Definitely. He wants it at least as much as Sho wants it too.

The older is well prepared and soon, Nino is on top of him while Sho helps him in preparing. He circles a lubed finger around Nino's entrance, who's bending forward, kissing Sho who hugs Nino's legs to be able to reach behind him properly. Once he inserts a first finger into the younger's puckering hole and Nino lets out a short, surprised noise, he immediately stops, waiting for the other to get used to the situation. He kisses his lips again and again, soothing him, telling him that everything will be fine, that he'll be careful or that he can even stop if Nino doesn't want to do it any longer. But Nino just shakes his head slightly and closes his eyes, answering the kiss. He wants it. He can take it.

Sho continues inserting his finger, slowly and Nino manages to relax, his eyes still closed. Suddenly, it's like he's thrown back in time, thoughts, pictures, feelings, sensations, memories are invading his mind. He sees himself, half dressed in a kimono, on top of Sho in almost the same position as right now. He remembers their first time, their first time ever and Sho, or Shota, how he was called back then, was the same careful and sweet gentleman like he is now. Nino knows, he can trust him, forever.

Slowly, he pushes back on Sho's finger, working with him and soon he moves on his own, finding the right, comfortable rhythm. Sho lets him do as he prefers, but soon adds another finger and another one, spreading Nino's muscles slowly. Nino flushes deeply red when Sho's fingers hit a spot deep inside of him that makes him see stars and his arms give in, letting him collapses on top of his boyfriend, his whole body trembling from the overwhelming feeling, from the lust, the excitement. Sho continues moving slowly, increasing Nino's pleasure with each thrust, until he stops, pulling his fingers out of his lover's body just to switch positions, laying the still trembling student onto the bed again. He puts a pillow under his boyfriend's butt to make access easier and reaches his hand to stroke Nino's crotch again, carefully first, then closing his fingers around the shaft, moving his hand up and down, doing the same for himself with his other hand in sync, pumping his already protected with a condom member. Nino buries his fingers in the bed sheet, pulling himself together not to scream from the pleasure.

Sho must see that the younger is close, thus he stops pumping them and continues just slightly stroking the red, erected flesh. The view of Nino, his face showing a pleading expression, his breath nervous and his chest lowering and rising in an unsteady rhythm, his legs parted and his erection proud between them, makes Sho almost lose ground. He leans down to Nino's face again, pecking his lips.

"I can't hold back any longer," he warns his boyfriend and Nino just nods, blushing. He's ready.

Sho presses the tip of his penis against Nino's entrance, slowly, carefully. The younger is prepared well, so it works smoothly and soon, Sho's member is buried deep inside of Nino's hot, tight body, causing both of them to moan. Nino needs a moment to get hold of himself, to get used to the new feeling, and to stop from trembling. Sho's kisses that the other spreads all over the younger's face help him to relax and soon he gives his sign to his boyfriend that he can start moving. Sho pulls out of his man slowly, just to push his whole length back in again, making the other scream, scream in pleasure as he hits that specific point again, right away. It's like a dream, Nino thinks. No, it's literally a dream coming true.

He continues the movement and Nino isn't sure if he can handle the overwhelming sensation. Sho's cock fills him completely, making their joint bodies feel like one, feel complete. It's just awesome. Nino never thought that sex could be something so pleasurable, something so exciting, so beautiful. Sho is definitely skilled, he knows exactly how to move, how fast or how slow, to make their first time the most awesome and memorable experience Nino had so far in his life. The young man circles his hands around his lover's neck and wraps his legs around Sho's waist, pressing them closer. Their bodies feel hot and slightly sticky from the sweat and Nino can feel his member leaking some precum that must be spreading all over Sho's hand, which has slipped between them to increase Nino's pleasure. He shivers under pleasure when Sho slightly bites his neck before he kisses the very same spot while thrusting into Nino again and again, his speed increasing with every thrust. The young student arches his back, buries his head in the fluffy pillow underneath him, his eyes closed, and they both moan in unison when they release at almost the same time.

Nino sees stars when he shoots his semen all over his belly and Sho's hand and he shivers when Sho thrusts into him, burying deeply inside his lover, moaning deeply as he fills him up with his orgasm. After a few seconds, giving them time to catch their breath, riding out their high before coming down again, Sho moves again, swaying a bit inside of his lover's body, teasingly, before he pulls out. He gets rid of the condom, reaches for some tissues, and lies down right beside Nino. He kisses his boyfriend's tired face while he starts cleaning the mess they created.

The younger is still too exhausted, too caught in the afterglow of his orgasm to do anything helpful in this situation. He's overwhelmed by happiness. His body still feels like it’s under electric shock, shivering slightly, without full control over his movements yet and his heart doesn't know what it's doing anyway. His breath is still unstable, his chest rising and lowering quickly and he feels so damned sensitive that he is sure that he will be able to come again just from Sho's caressing touch.

Sho kisses Nino's sensitive neck, smiling at the shiver running over the young man's body from the sensible touch. He smiles, looking at Nino who blushes deeply. "I think I'm in heaven…"

Just a bit later, the two men lie there on Sho's bed, still sweating slightly, feeling hot, but nevertheless not able to not touch each other. Sho's arms are circled around Nino's waist, pushing him closer, their bodies pressed together and they kiss each other lovingly, over and over, Nino cupping Sho's face. Their whispered "I love you"s fill the space in between, until they both get too tired to continue and finally fall asleep, happily, holding each other in their arms.

- + -

Nino's dream feels kind of like a continuation of what he and Sho were just doing in the young man's room but Nino knows that it's not the same time, that it's earlier, much earlier, a scene from their previous life that he's experiencing right now. He's on top of Shota, naked, like so often, allowing his hands to hover over the young lord's lower belly which is tensing more and more while Nino is riding him passionately, increasing his rhythm more and more.

"I love you, Kazu," Shota hisses underneath his heavy breath and he locks eyes with Nino.

The young servant looks down at him, fighting with the urge to just close his eyes and fully concentrate on the penetration as he moves up and down, lowering himself onto his lover's shaft in the most natural movements, bringing them both pure pleasure. They did this so often, they do this so often, Nino knows exactly how he has to move to drive the other crazy, to provide himself with the best sensation possible. They are professionals in making love to each other, it's their favourite game after all and they both cannot get enough of it.

Shota is married now, to the princess from a neighbour country, stunningly beautiful, but he obviously isn't faithful to his wife. Not even once the thought of ending his relationship with Shota crossed Nino's mind, even if he knows that they will never have what an official couple has and even if he knows that he will suffer at times because of that. He should probably feel guilty, and Shota should feel probably guilty too, if they weren't still so deeply in love with each other, feeling betrayed by fate and society for being born as what they are, in the class they came from. They don't see it as betrayal or as cheating on Shota's wife. In their twisted, lovesick minds, they see it as their right to be together whenever time and circumstances allow it, because they just know that they are meant to be together, meant to share their love, and their lives, even if they have to do so in the dark.

Shota and his wife do not have children. They tried it, just as it's their obligation, not only once, since it didn't work with the first try. For a few months after the wedding ceremony, Shota sometimes went to lay down with her, even if he hated it, as he swore to Nino, but his wife just didn't get pregnant. Maybe, she just can't.

One day, Shota started refusing to even try it but they didn't send the woman away. Like this, the lord explained to his lover, he wouldn't have to try it with another woman. He says, he doesn't care if he has children or not. He says all that he wants is "his Kazu". His wife doesn't know about them, at least she shouldn't since the two men keep their secret, but sometimes, Nino wonders, if she looks at him with those piercing eyes because she actually knows. Maybe, it's jealousy radiating through her eyes. Maybe, the same jealously that's radiating through Nino's eyes sometimes.

Even if he knows he doesn't have a reason to be jealous, since all that matters is that Shota loves him, it still pains Nino each and every time to see his beloved partner together with that woman. Walking through the big mansion together, sitting together at their meals while Nino has to serve them, seeing them on strolls through the gorgeous gardens while he is meant to stay inside and clean the floors. To the outside world, she's still Shota's wife, still the one he's supposed to love, the one he's supposed to spend his days with. And that's why Nino envies her. He wants to be her. He wants to walk openly next to the man he loves but he knows he can't. Maybe, he's too greedy...

The young man still sometimes flees to the library, the shelter from his teenage days and the place where he and his young lord became more than just lord and servant for the first time, years ago. First friends, then lovers. When Nino is able to get lost in one of those dreamy books, which he is able to read all on his own now thanks to Shota's efforts to teach him reading and writing properly, the young man feels safe. And when in the evenings, Shota joins him in the library, or he sneaks into Shota's single bedroom, and they can be the couple in love as they are, the pain is forgotten. Because even if the days with Shota are his wife's, the nights are his.

To be honest, Nino never thought about what Shota's wife would think about them if she finds out, how she would feel about the fact that her husband is in love with another person, with a man, with his servant even. Of course they try everything to hide it, but how safe is their secret really? Are they too careless sometimes?

Probably they are or they have gotten careless over the years, at least, that will explain why in this very night, they aren't alone in Shota's bedroom. They don't notice it though, until it's too late, until Nino felt the stabbing pain in his back, surprised and not able to tell what exactly caused the pain, until he sees the sheer panic in Shota's face. It takes another second until he finally senses the sharp contaminant piercing in his back, causing him immense trouble breathing and then, the thick, warm liquid running down his spine, finding its way down his lower back, between his butt cheeks, dripping onto Shota's thighs.

Nino suddenly feels overwhelmingly dizzy and he collapses on top of his lover, who shifts immediately, separating their lower bodies and catching his lover in his arms, as the younger grabs Shota's arms. He feels that the thing that pierced him gets removed and there must be even more liquid – blood – run down his back. His mind starts blurring and the young man can barely hear Shota's calls that are supposed to reach his ears. He presses his cheek against his lord's chest and manages to turn his head a little to see the culprit's face.

She's standing there, dressed in her night kimono, her hair black and long, almost reaching the ground. She's beautiful, like always, so beautiful that Nino cannot help but be envious of her beauty. But all her beauty wasn't enough to win over Shota's heart. Shota is his, only his and this is what the beautiful woman cannot bear, not any longer. Her breath is panting and she seems to be crying. Her shaking hands drop the red coloured, blood dripping knife, probably from the shock from what she did. Nino strangely feels sorry for her somehow, feels sorry for her and for Shota and for himself, because of the unchangeable fact that not all of them can be happy, not at the same time, in the same life.

He feels Shota cupping his face, slapping his cheek slightly, desperately. He tries to look at him but he can only see forms, his mind already slipping away. The man yells at him, shakes him slightly, but maybe, it's already too late. The last thing Nino feels before he slips into a long long sleep, is how Shota presses his lips against his own, soft but trembling, but full of love, like always, before he whispers some familiar words against Nino's lips repeatedly, their usual oath to each other and it makes him feel better, gives him hope.

He feels a tear leaving his eye though when he realizes that they will be separated – at least for a while -, feels it running down his cheek and he wants to reach his hand up to Shota's face, to touch it for a last time, but his hand feels so heavy, so weak, that he can't...

He feels tear drops falling on his face, tastes his partner's salty tear, the taste of their defeat, and then, everything around him goes black...

- + -

Nino wakes up in the middle of the night, taking in deep breaths, sweating, panicking, tears in his eyes and feeling an immense pain in his back.

"Kazu, oh my Gosh, what happened?!" Sho asks beside him, immediately awake too. He seems to reach for the lamp on the bedside, switching it on and turns to his boyfriend, worrying. The assistant professor immediately reaches out his hand to the younger, caressing his cheek and then moves up to his forehead, feeling it, before he brushes the sweaty hair out of his lover's forehead. "Hey, hey, calm down, Dear. A nightmare?"

Nino's breath is still hitching when he turns to look at his boyfriend, his lungs feel like they cannot inflate with air well enough and the pain, the pain is almost driving him crazy. Though not as crazy as the memory of what he dreamed about just now, no, what he remembered just now.

Right, a memory, Nino tries to tell himself, just a memory, nothing that happened just now is current. He tries to focus on Sho, tries to calm his breath down, and tries to will the pain away. He frowns painfully. It still hurts. So much that tears are forming in his eyes.

"My back…," he whispers, still crouching.

"Your back hurts again?!" Sho worries, intuitively reaching his hand to Nino's back but not daring to touch it yet. "What did you do?"

"Nothing," Nino tries to press out. "I… I dreamed…"

"Wait, calm down," the older says. "Try to breathe normally. Shall I… what can I do to help you?"

"It goes away by itself usually," Nino answers, still under pain. "Just… give me a few minutes."

Sho nods but intuitively starts to slightly rub Nino's back carefully, which seemed to help a little, thankfully. Indeed, the warm touch of his boyfriend's hand feels good, almost curing, and the more strokes he makes over Nino's back, over the spot near his birthmark, the better it gets. Nino's breath calms down, the cramping figure of his hunching back becomes less and then the pain is finally almost gone.

"Thanks," he says, leaning his, finally able to relax a bit, body in his boyfriend's embrace and reaching his hand out searching for one of Sho's to press it slightly, seeking comfort. Still he's trembling a little.

The other answers the pressure of their intertwined hands and leans forward a bit more to his boyfriend, pressing a kiss against his temple "So, you dreamed? What did you dream about?"

Nino looks at him, the memory again flooding his mind, making it hard to speak. "I dreamed… about my own death."

"What?!" the other looks at him, seriously puzzled.

"I mean, my death, from my past life…," Nino explains voicelessly. He feels tears welling up again.

His boyfriend looks at him, shocked and it takes him a minute until he can finally ask. "I never dreamed about that before… what… how?"

"Sho," the younger searches for the right words, but how will it help if he does not name things as what they are? He takes a deep breath, confronting the unchangeable truth. After all, if it didn't happen, he wouldn't be here now, right? And being here right now, together, back together with Sho, is definitely a good thing. "I was killed," he says, in a whisper.

"Killed?" the assistant professor stares at his lover in disbelief. "Oh gosh… How? By whom?"

"I was killed by your wife…," Nino adds in a low voice.

"Oh fuck…," Sho stares at him, blankly.

"She found out about us and she couldn't bear that you loved me more than her."

"I loved only you…," the other man agrees.

"In the dream, the flashback, we… we were making love and she," Nino continues, tears welling up his eyes again at the memory. "... She saw us. And she must have gotten so angry that she took a knife and… stabbed me from behind."

"Your back…," Sho whispers, shocked. "Is that why..."

Nino shrugs his shoulders while tilting his head a little. "Most likely that's what causes my back pain. I guess, my body remembers... more than my mind since the beginning."

Carefully, Sho rubs over his lover's back again, confirming that he is doing OK again and then pulls him into a tight hug. "Oh Gosh, Baby… I'm so sorry."

Nino shakes his head against his boyfriend's chest. "What are you apologizing for?"

"It's my fault that you got…"

But the student interrupts him, pulling himself together. "Sho, no, don't think like that, it wasn't your fault. And it's over anyway, I wouldn't have been reborn if not. I'm with you again now, that's all that matters."

"True, but that must be such a horrible memory," the older states, shaking his head slightly just with his imagination of it. He presses a kiss onto Nino's head, caressing.

"It is… and there is more…," Nino murmurs.

"What do you mean?"

"I, I know her, Sho. I mean, here, now, I know her. The… reincarnation of your wife," Nino finally spits out.

"What?" Sho asks, puzzled. "Who is it?"

They lock eyes.

"Keiko…"


Chapter 5 – Part 3