Back to Chapter 4 – Part 3


CHAPTER 5


- - + SAKURAI SHO + - -


Sho cannot believe what is happening right now. He's standing here, Ninomiya in his arms, and the younger is curling his arms around his neck and kissing him. Yes, kissing him. Initiated by him and it's not just an innocent touch of their lips, it's a real kiss.

Sho wonders how he's supposed to keep his heart from jumping out of his chest right now. He cannot hold back any longer and takes advantage of the nice surprise, wrapping his arms around the younger man, his hands burying in the soft fabric of his shirt, bringing them closer. Ninomiya's eyes are closed and so, Sho closes his eyes too, allowing himself to get carried away by the sweet taste of this man's lips, that he's already so addicted to, melting from the soft touch, wishing that their kiss will never end.

He feels Ninomiya's breath hitting his face as the younger draws back a little, just to allow them to catch some breath and it's just a second later when he feels those soft, warm lips on his again, continuing their kiss, caressing. It's a less innocent kiss than those they shared so far but it's still innocent enough, shy, cute, loving. Sho can feel the tenderness between them, the potential passion, the… yeah… love? Does Ninomiya actually love him back?

However, the kiss is just overwhelming. It makes Sho's heart stop, it's like Ninomiya's gesture finally allowing his dreams to come true again.

Still, he can't believe that this is true.

Even more incredible than the surprising kiss is the fact that they are standing in the middle of the street, Ninomiya seemingly not giving a shit about who might be able to see them like this. In fact, he even knows who is watching them – Ninomiya's mother, her eyes surely widened in pure shock.

So how did they get here?

- + -

A few days after Ninomiya's fight with his mother that made him temporarily move in with Sho, the young man says that he has to go home go get some of his things, clothes, stuff for university and the likes. He borrowed a few things from Sho to dress for a few days and he even bought a couple new sets of socks and underwear, since he seems serious about not going back home to live with his parents again. Since Sho can clearly see how nervous and insecure Ninomiya feels about the idea of returning home, even if it's just for the purpose to get some of his things, he finally offers the young man to go with him and he has to admit, he's even a little surprised when Nino accepts.

Just about half an hour later, they are standing in front of the small house that the Ninomiya family lives in, well; apparently, Ninomiya seems to have lived together with his mother and his father, who's often away due to work. His older sister is already married and left the house to live with her husband about three years ago, according to Ninomiya's explanation.

It's late in the afternoon and the sky has already slowly darkened, and people started switching on the lights inside of their homes. There's also a light on in the Ninomiya's house, upstairs, in his mother's room.

The student just planned to go in as silently as he can, to tiptoe upstairs, grab his things and rush out of the house again without being caught by his mother but of course, in the end, his plan failed. Originally, Sho was planning to wait outside but once he hears voices coming through the unlocked door, he gets a little nervous and follows the young man inside.

"Kazu, please, wake up! This man is no good for you!" is the first thing Sho catches by a female voice from upstairs.

"In fact I think he's the best thing that happened to me in quite some time," Ninomiya replies and Sho can feel his heart beat speeding up, even if he knows that it might not be the time for feeling nice about a compliment like that.

The young man can hear rustling footsteps upstairs, sounds like Ninomiya's mother is not going to let her son go. Well, Sho can understand that but the following sentence he hears hits him right there where it hurts. "Are you throwing away your family life for a fling?!"

"A fling!? Mom, we aren't even together, for now we're friends! Not that this is any of your concern anyway…," Ninomiya replies and yes, even this hurts the young assistant professor a little, they are not a couple, of course, at least not yet.

"You didn't… have sex with him yet?"

"MOM!" Ninomiya almost freaks out. Footsteps can be heard again, and the young man's voice gets closer as he must be approaching the stairs. "As if I would tell you, Oh my God!"

"You can still come back then, it's not too late!" the woman starts arguing again and Sho can only sign. He didn't think that the situation is this bad, no wonder that Ninomiya wanted to leave after the first fight. "Think about it, just come back here, forget about him and we'll call Keiko-chan and you can make up with her –"

"No, Mom, I won't forget about him and I won't get back together with Keiko, it's over, can't you see it?! You're blinded by I don't know, fear? I don't even get what you are afraid of! I'm not taking drugs or anything, it just happened that... I came to like a guy. My gosh, it's not the end of the world!"

"Kazu, please…," the woman pleads but her son doesn't listen and just rushes down the stairs, his eyes locking with Sho's when he spots the other.

"Sakurai-san, we're leaving," Ninomiya says, putting down two bags on the ground, and Sho grabs one immediately to help the other carry his stuff while Ninomiya reaches for his shoes to put them back on.

"Kazu, wait!" his mother stops right in front of them, shooting Sho a death glare and then looks at her son again. "You're not going anywhere with that man!"

"I'm going where I want to with whom I want, Mom!" the student says while tying his shoelaces.

Desperately, his mother reaches her hand to his shoulder. "You'll regret it, he'll hurt you!"

"He won't, now stop this, seriously!" Ninomiya turns around, brushing away his mother's hand and points at Sho. "He's standing right here and you talk about him as disrespectful as this?! That's why I can't stay here, you see? Your behaviour is the worst, apologize to him!"

Sho doesn't feel offended personally, he already experienced enough homophobic people. In fact during his teenage days he experienced even worse things than being treated like air or getting badmouthed, but he appreciates that Ninomiya defends him against his mother. When his mother doesn’t make any signs of being willing to apologize to Sho, the student sighs, looks at Sho, apologetic, and opens the door, setting his feet out of the house. Sho follows him, without saying anything.

"You can't be serious, Kazu," the whining voice of Ninomiya's mother can be heard behind their backs. She follows them outside and when the two men reach the streets, she yells after her son. "Tell me you're not serious!"

Ninomiya whirls around again, his look angry. "I am serious, Mom, I even think I've never been more serious."

Then, everything goes very fast. Ninomiya turns to Sho, facing him with a determined look. His eyes are overflowing with emotions and Sho's heart almost stops beating at this sight. He feels the urge to wrap his arms around the young man but Ninomiya is faster. He drops his bag and lifts his arms, circling them around Sho's neck and he almost desperately brings them close, sealing their lips with a kiss. The young assistant professor allows himself to get carried away and answers the kiss, not paying attention to the shocked reaction of Ninomiya's mother. He just doesn't care. Right now, he's in heaven. He's back in his dreams. There could be a mob of homophobic people chasing him right now, as long as Ninomiya kisses him, Sho would be able to fight everything.

When they finally break their kiss, Ninomiya looks back to the house, his mother has sunken to her knees, crying, and Sho cannot read the look in Ninomiya's face any longer. He cannot tell if he's feeling sad, disgusted or shocked right now, maybe it's a mixture of all those things. However, the young man can just stare at his collapsed mother, unable to avert his eyes.

"Let's go, Ninomiya," Sho finally says in a low voice and takes the young student's hand in his, pulling him away slightly after they grabbed the two bags. Sho is sure, nothing good will happen now, if they stay.

They don't talk on the way home to Sho's apartment but when they sit on the train, each of them with a bag filled with Ninomiya's stuff on their laps, Sho is still holding Ninomiya's hand, as their hands lie in between them, hidden from anyone's eyes. Ninomiya is just staring ahead blankly, his look distant and his lips pressed close. He must be deep in thoughts about his family and what has just happened a few minutes ago and at first, he doesn't react when Sho presses his hand to get his attention. The second time, he reacts and gets pulled out of his thoughts, looking at the other man with big, wondering, sad eyes.

"Are you OK?" Sho asks carefully.

Ninomiya attempts a smile, nodding, but he doesn't answer immediately and Sho can feel that the student has trouble talking at the moment. His eyes are slightly wet, he doesn't cry though. Sho intertwines their fingers, squeezing the student's hand stronger, smiling at him, reassuringly.

"Don't worry, I'm here for you."

"I...," Ninomiya starts, his voice sounding faint and distant. "I'm sorry for dragging down the mood."

Sho shakes his head. It's OK. Thankfully, Ninomiya answers the pressure, clenching Sho's hand firmly before he darts his look in front of him again for the rest of the ride.

- + -

"Soooo, what do you want to do now?" Sho asks in a cheerful voice once the young men put down Ninomiya's luggage in the assistant professor's room. "Watch a movie? Play some card games? Uhm... cook something?"

Ninomiya smiles slightly. He must be able to look through Sho's plans completely, the older thinks, it's too obvious how he's trying to distract the younger from his depressive thoughts. "I guess watching a movie might be nice. Something up on TV?" the young man replies before the two head into the living room to settle on the couch.

They find a nice movie on one of the channels and Sho gets some snacks ready which he places on the coffee table in front of them. They are pretty quiet during the movie, which indicates that Ninomiya is still in his thoughts since Sho already has learned that usually, the younger likes (or just does, without noticing) commenting on screenplays, discussing about certain scenes or acting skills of the different actors. It's definitely showing through that he's part of the theatre club and has a bit of experience in writing scripts and stories and Sho enjoys talking about such stuff with him. However, this time he just stares blankly at the screen, following the happenings without paying much attention. He doesn't even touch the snacks.

Sho notices that he isn't able to concentrate on the movie either, since his own thoughts drift off to Ninomiya each time and he finds himself staring at him quite too often. He takes in his figure, the slim statue and that handsome face. He feels a bit guilty for being happy to have him there, especially when it's thanks to a not so nice circumstance, the fight with his mother. Sho's look runs over the student's features, his eyes bear so much emotions, his slim face makes him look grown up somehow despite the overall cute and young impression. And those lips… those lips are the most beautiful lips Sho has ever seen and the most soft and tender and passionate lips he has ever kissed…

"You kissed me, before," Sho suddenly speaks his thoughts out loud and Ninomiya turns his head in his direction, a bit confused. Sho chuckles softly, finding the puzzled reaction cute. "I'm sorry, it may not be the time to talk about something like that now but I just can't get it out of my head," he admits and he knows he must be grinning like stupid.

Ninomiya blushes nicely and averts his eyes again, forcing them to look at the TV screen again. He purses his lips a little, making his face even cuter before he murmurs. "Why are you so surprised, it's not the first time, we kiss, isn’t it?"

"No but… It's the first time you initiate a kiss," Sho says grinning, remembering the sweet but innocent good night kisses they shared so far. He'd like to add and so far it's been the most passionate one, but he gulps it down.

"I can't?" the younger asks, still not looking at Sho but the young assistant can see the embarrassment the other is going through, judging from his sudden unsettledness and nervous moves. "I thought the no-kissing rule is ridiculous anyway?"

Sho smiles. "Of course you can! I was just wondering… if you kissed me because you like me… or only because your mother provoked you." That's what is bugging him, not too much, since he counts Ninomiya's kiss as a victory either way, but just a little bit.

Finally, Ninomiya turns to him again, looking seriously shocked. "Oh Gosh… that's how it must look like, doesn't it? I'm really sorry, that's not what I intended."

Sho's heartbeat raises. "So you really wanted to kiss me?" he tries to confirm.

"Uhm… Yes, because…I guess, you heard it anyway… I like you," the younger confesses, embarrassed.

The other man now cannot hold back his grin and he knows, it's time for him to guide this in the right direction. The stage is set and he has enough courage for both of them to bring them further, if possible. "Does this finally mean that you want to be my boyfriend? I mean, come on, this thing between us is definitely something, right?" Sho smirks, seeing Ninomiya blushing again. "We just have to name it."

"You want us to be boyfriends?" the younger repeats. Not that this is a new information to him…

"I do. What about you?"

"Well…," if Sho was nervous right now, waiting for the hopefully positive reply of the young student, he doesn't show, contrary to Ninomiya, whose nervousness is written all over his face. "I-I guess, we can try it."

Inside, Sho is burning from the excitement and happiness. He wants to jump up and kiss the other on the spot but he knows it might be a bit too straightforward; he doesn't want to push too much on the other right away. Instead, he decides on mocking him a little. Just… a tiny little bit. "You sound pretty low tension for someone who just kissed me so passionately in front of his mother's eyes!"

Ninomiya's reaction is as expected but Sho finds it very cute. "I – I'm shy, OK? Do we really have to talk about it?"

"I want to talk about everything with you," Sho confesses. "Everything concerning you and me and us…"

"This is embarrassing…," Ninomiya hides his face in the palms of his hands.

"I think, it's wonderful," Sho bursts into a broad smile. "So I can now officially call you my boyfriend!"

Ninomiya looks at him, it's written on his face that he might want to say something, but in the end he gives up, blushing again. "Whatever...."

Sho is convinced that there is no cuter boyfriend in the whole world. Finally, he leans to the other next to him, bringing them closer. "May I kiss my boyfriend now?" he asks but he doesn't wait for the answer and just goes for it.

He reaches out his hands to cup Ninomiya's face and bring their lips together in a tender kiss that quickly turns into something more passionate, more heated. Eventually, Ninomiya draws back. His head is now red like a tomato, his breath panting and Sho knows that he has to pull himself together and maybe it’s better to save the rest for another time. He doesn't want the other to feel uncomfortable or to pass out from excitement. At least in this life, he's not used to being in a relationship with a man yet, he might need a bit time to get used to it. Of course, Sho is willing to give Ninomiya all the time in the world, now that he officially belongs to him.

Instead of trying to get another kiss, Sho lifts his arm and opens space for Ninomiya to cuddle close, if he wants to. And that's what the other does, a bit insecure but he does and so they end up, Ninomiya with his back resting against Sho's chest while the other circles an arm around him, hugging on the couch, not saying anything for a few minutes, just looking at the TV screen again. This time, the silence doesn't feel strange at all. It's calming, somehow comforting, even if Sho's thoughts are still much more occupied with Ninomiya than with the movie on the TV screen.

Ninomiya shifts a little, cuddling closer and then, suddenly he whispers something, so silently, that Sho almost missed it. "You know, recently, I'm dreaming of you."

"Hm? Really?" the young assistant professor's heart skips a beat. Is it possible...? "Tell me about it."

"It's not like a usual dream though, it's… kind of special," the younger starts, tilting his head slightly. "Like I'm dreaming a story."

"Are you dreaming of us being together?" Sho asks with hope sprouting in his heart.

"Yeah…"

"About us living hundreds of years ago?" Sho continues, tightening the embrace around Ninomiya a little. "In a traditional mansion and I'm a lord and you are my servant. OK, that sounds like a dirty fantasy now but… you know what I mean," this time it's the assistant professor who blushes, and he's glad that Ninomiya cannot see his face at the moment. "You're a young man who joined the household as a child and became my best friend."

"… And your lover," Ninomiya murmurs, letting his hand slip on top of Sho's which is circled around him.

"Exactly," Sho whispers into the other's ear, closing his eyes. It's unbelievable. Ninomiya remembers. "That's what I'm dreaming of too."

"How is this possible? I don't get it," the student whispers, his fingers brushing slightly over Sho's hand.

"It's a memory," Sho answers. "Our memory. I think it proves that we've been together once. Like I told you. We're the reincarnations of those selves we dream of."

"It's still a bit hard to believe though," Ninomiya lets out a cute chuckle and Sho grins.

"It's good that you're critical. Questioning things makes you a good literature student," the man states. "However, I stopped doubting it when I met you at the beginning of the semester. You remember the day we met?"

"Yes, of course, how could I forget that weirdo of assistant professor who kept staring at me for the whole lecture?" Ninomiya teases the other and Sho laughs.

"When I saw you, I knew you're something special. You're the one I dreamt of so often. We're meant to be together again. I really couldn't stop staring at you, it must have felt pretty awkward."

"Yeah, Awkward," the student chuckles, and Sho grins at this nickname the other gave him recently. "But…," doubt still swings in Ninomiya's voice.

"Listen, Ninomiya, we're dreaming about the same things," Sho starts, cuddling his head against Ninomiya's shoulder from behind before continuing his enumeration. "We obviously have feelings for each other right now. Do you need even more proof?"

"More proof?" the younger asks, trying to turn around a bit in the embrace.

"Did you by any chance dream of our tattoos already?" Sho asks.

"Tattoos?"

"Maybe you haven’t yet but, we shared the same tattoo. As a proof of love. Look…," the assistant professor explains. He loosens the grip around Ninomiya and they shift until Sho can show the other left hand, pushing back the sleeve to free the red spot on his wrist. "You see that? This is a birthmark. I never thought much of it until I started dreaming of it."

Ninomiya looks at him, stunned, letting his look drop onto Sho's wrist, his hands automatically reaching at it and Sho just nods as if to give his permission for the other to touch it, when he looks at him with questioning eyes again.

"Actually, it's the same spot on which I got this tattoo in the past. If you look closely, you can even see a faint pattern… you see?"

"Yeah, I can see it…," the student whispers, almost reverentially.

"Does it look familiar to you?"

Ninomiya frowns. "Well… it looks like a flower, somehow…"

"You have a birthmark too, don't you?"

Ninomiya's expression turns thunderstruck and he intuitively reaches one hand to his back, looking at Sho.

"Did you ever look closely at it?" Sho asks.

"It's been ages… and the spot isn't easy to look at, even in a mirror… and you mean…"

"Yeah, I saw it when I helped you with your back," the older nods his head. "It looks almost the same as mine."

Ninomiya brings his other hand to his lips. "Incredible…"

"But it's real. It's our proof," Sho says and puts his arms around Ninomiya again. He lets his hand slip underneath the other's shirt and brushes carefully over the younger man's back, over the spot where his mark is. Ninomiya shivers slightly. "We're more than just boyfriends. We're soulmates. We belong together," he places a kiss on Ninomiya's temple.

"We belong together…," the other repeats whispering, and then, he throws his own arms around Sho, a bit too spirited maybe, so that both of them lose balance and Sho falls back onto the couch, pulling Ninomiya with him.

They burst out laughing and it's no surprise that they miss the clicking noise of the apartment door when someone enters and murmurs a low "I'm back home" in the entrance area, before that person shows up in the living room, shocked by the view. Only when he drops something onto the floor and almost stumbles over it, the two guys on the couch sit up, shocked, staring at the intruder, well… at the other resident of the apartment.

"Oh my Gosh, guys! I'm so sorry!" Aiba bursts and Sho can see from the corner of his eye that Ninomiya's face now is flushing red and he pulls on his slightly misplaced shirt to get it back in place. "I didn't see anything, I swear! No wait, why am I apologizing? This is also my living area, can't you get a room?!"

"Nothing happened!" Ninomiya immediately exclaims, completely embarrassed.

"Oh, yeah," Aiba chuckles, pointing at them. "This looks very much like nothing!"

"He was just touching my back!"

"And with what intentions? Why should someone touch someone else's back just because?"

Sho chuckles, reaching his hand to his boyfriend's to calm him down. "Ignore him, Ninomiya, let's continue watching the movie. Aiba, you want to join us?"

"Join watching the movie or join your dirty things here?" Aiba jokes, obviously enjoying teasing Ninomiya. "However, no worries, I don't want to disturb you love birds."

"Nothing happened!" the student repeats, still embarrassed.

- + -

And nothing would happen for a while, Sho has to accept that pretty fast. Just because Ninomiya remembers parts of their former lives and has finally accepted to be Sho's boyfriend, it doesn't mean that things progress very fast. It's been a few days already and they still share Sho's bed – in the innocent way – kisses being everything they exchange. Well… and maybe a little bit touching here and there. However, Ninomiya is still shy and Sho is a gentleman and so, waiting a little longer isn't that much of a problem. Most of the time.

Sho would be lying if he said that his desire for his boyfriend doesn't grow with each day. It's just like it was in their old lives, the closer they got, the more Sho wanted the other man, but he allowed them to take their sweet time and he just knew that with this, everything would be fine between them.

On Saturday evening, when Sho and Ninomiya are spread in the living room together with some stacks of books, browsing through them and talking about their favourite scenes in each of them, Ninomiya suddenly gets a phone call. Usually, it's his mother who still tries to call her son at least three or four times a day and usually, Ninomiya just ignores her and lets the phone ring or presses her away when he finds the ring tone too annoying. But this time, he looks at the screen, worried, and Sho frowns, wondering. Is someone else calling?

When Ninomiya picks up the call, it's clear pretty quickly that it's not Ninomiya's mother calling, but one of Nino's friends who seems to have a pretty severe problem at the moment. Ninomiya tries to calm the other party down, but he himself seems a little desperate, nervous. He asks for that person's address and as soon as he got it, he ends the call and jumps up, explaining to Sho that something very urgent has come up and that he has to go visit his friend immediately. Sho offers to come along but Ninomiya says that he's not sure if his friend is comfortable with it so the younger man leaves on his own.

Later, Sho receives a call from Ninomiya who in a whisper tells him that his friend is in a critical state because of a broken heart and that he might have to stay over at his place for the night. Of course, Sho immediately feels that he will miss the already so familiar presence of the young student, but he finds it adorable how the other is willing to take care of a friend. It's touching. Not everyone would do so, and so he cannot help but encourages him. In the end of the evening, he packs away all of the books spread on the living room floor back to his room, several pages marked with post-its so that he doesn't forget to show Nino those specific scenes, once the other comes back.

- + -

"He's still devastated," Ninomiya says in a low tone as if he doesn't want anyone else to hear, when he calls Sho the next day.

"He hasn’t cheered up?" the young man asks, feeling sorry for Ninomiya's friend as well as Ninomiya, who sounds desperate.

"I can tell him what I want but nothing seems to cheer him up. I'm seriously worried about him, he might do something really stupid... what should I do?" he asks, directing the question at Sho who is on the other end of the phone call. "I'd feel really bad if I left him behind now but, I should go back to your place now since actually tomorrow I have this presentation coming up that I have to prepare for..."

Sho knows the student's schedule almost by heart already, after seeing him work on his projects, papers and presentations for the past days. He also knows that the presentation Ninomiya is about to hold tomorrow will likely make up a third of the grade for the specific seminar. But he also knows that Ninomiya might not be able to concentrate on revising if he comes here now, worrying about his friend.

"Maybe you should stay with him for a while. It's Monday tomorrow and he's a student too you say, right? So he'll probably be distracted with his studies by then but for today, just in case…," Sho suggests. "If you tell me your friend's address, I'll bring you some stuff, a bunch of clothes and your materials so that you can prepare for it at your friend's place."

"Really?" the young man asks, delighted. "That will be really helpful!"

Sure, if Sho can be of help, he will be happy to do whatever he can. He gets some of Ninomiya's stuff ready in one of the student's bags and checks out on his phone for the address that the other sent him. Apparently, the apartment of Ninomiya's friend Ohno isn't located too far from here, just about twenty minutes by bus and so the young assistant professor arrives there pretty quickly.

Sho is happy to see his boyfriend and he's even more happy when Ninomiya opens Ohno's apartment door to let the other in and then welcomes him with a shy but very cute small kiss onto the cheek. The older cannot hold back then and pulls the other into a hug and they stay there in the entrance area for a while. They end the hug and Ninomiya, obviously still not used to the closeness feels embarrassed because of that, averts his eyes, picking up the bag Sho brought for him.

"Thank you very much," he says. "Do you want to come in for a cup of tea? Ohno is OK with it," he says but Sho shakes his head.

"Thanks but I don't want to disturb and I still have to do preparations to do for lectures tomorrow too," he explains and Ninomiya nods, understanding.

Again, Sho pulls the younger into a hug. Ninomiya buries his face at the other's chest and suddenly lets out a cute chuckle.

"Why does this now feel like a good bye scene from a cheesy movie, it's not like we're parting for the rest of our lives," the younger murmurs.

Sho chuckles too. "I don't know, it's just stupid, isn't it?"

"Maybe we got too used to each other already..."

"I can never get too used to you," the assistant professor says, lifting his hand to caress his boyfriend's face.

"Sorry for bothering you for so long in your apartment," the younger says suddenly. "Just because I'm fighting with my mother…"

Sho shakes his head. "You aren't bothering me at all," he says, cupping Ninomiya's face. "You're such a wonderful person, really. My door will always be open for you so once your friend feels better you can always come back to my place. I'll be waiting for you."

"Thank you so much, Sakurai-san," the other says, tightening their embrace.

"Can't we call each other by our given names?" Sho then asks, smiling, and Ninomiya looks at him as if he's experiencing a dejavu right now. Well, he is, Sho knows exactly that once, hundreds of years ago, he asked that young boy in the library the very same thing.

"By our given names?" Ninomiya repeats, as if he's in the process of repeating the script they wrote together in the past.

"Yeah, Kazu," Sho whispers and he loves how Ninomiya's – no, Kazu's – cheeks glow upon the usage of his nickname. It's another step forward in their relationship and Sho is utterly happy about it.

"Alright, Sho," he replies and Sho's heart skips a beat from happiness. He leans down to brush his lips against Kazu's, to share a tender kiss.

"Call me, if you need something," the older says, smiling, about to leave.

Kazu smiles back, waiving his hand. "I will, thanks. See you tomorrow at university."

"Don't miss me too much!" Sho winks at his boyfriend.

"Idiot…"

- + -

"Congratulations," a female voice right next to Sho says when he brings back the food trays in the canteen, three days later. He turns around and finds a woman he doesn't particularly know but saw a couple of times already.

"Excuse me?" he asks, wondering.

"He's yours now, isn't he?" the young woman with long brown hair asks, pointing her thumb in the direction to the back of the canteen where Kazu and Ohno are sitting at a table, working on something. "Ah, sorry, I didn't introduce myself, Sakurai-san, even if you know me, probably. I'm Ninomiya's ex-girlfriend, Kitagawa Keiko. Don't say nice to meet you, I know you don’t mean it and me neither."

"I'm sorry…," Sho doesn't know what else he should answer in this situation, thus he turns back to his task of putting the trays onto the collection cart.

Kitagawa chuckles bitterly. "Sorry?! Sure. What for? For stealing him from me? I doubt so. You must be happy now, right? You two look so damned in love, it's making me feel sick," she hisses and the image of a poisonous snake pops up in Sho's head when he looks into her angry eyes. "Take good care that nobody else takes away your happiness from you. Not like you took it away from me."

Sho sighs. He didn't expect this conversation to take place, but he can understand where it comes from. She must be the resentful type. "Ninomiya told me he broke up with you, I didn't steal him from you," Sho says, even if a tiny little voice in his head tells him that his flirting attempts since the beginning can be interpreted as such and Kitagawa must have seen him.

"Yes, because of you, isn't it? You flirted with him so shamelessly; I'm convinced that you two were cheating on me since the beginning of the semester," the young woman continues, her look piercing Sho.

"No, wait, it's not what you think," the assistant professor starts to defend him and his boyfriend. "Ninomiya never cheated on you, he broke up with you before he came to me…"

"You think that I believe this now?!" she hisses, almost hysterically and even if she held her voice low up to now, Sho fears that someone might hear them. "No matter how it was at the beginning, in the end the result is the same. He broke up with me because of you. You're the one to blame."

"Kitagawa-san, please…," the young man tries to calm her down.

She takes a deep breath and returns to her snippy attitude, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Well, as I said, take good care of him. He might change from one day to the other to another guy, or girl, who knows? He's an unfaithful guy."

"Don't talk about him like that, he's not," Sho hisses at her, feeling the disgust for this woman growing inside of him. "He told me your relationship wasn't going well."

"I think it went pretty well until he ended it!"

"It was his decision, and you have to accept it. A couple only works if both partners want it to work," Sho says but Kitagawa ignores him.

"Is he living with you now?" she asks instead. "His mother told me he still hasn’t gone home after their fights. She worries about her beloved son, you know? He's an unfilial son if he doesn't go home but I don't blame him, I'm sure, it's your fault, you're keeping him away from his mother."

"I am not. And just for the records, currently he's staying at a friend's place."

"Oh, so it's not you? Poor Sakurai-san," the woman asks, her voice full of faked sympathy. "Ah, wait, is it that strange guy from the theatre club sitting there with him, chatting with him? I think I saw them hanging out quite a lot recently."

"I don't know how this concerns you but yes, it's him," Sho agrees.

"I see… and you're not worried?"

"Worried about what?" he arches an eyebrow.

"That they are cheating on you," the woman whispers.

Sho rolls his eyes. How can this woman be so damned stubborn? She must be blinded by hatred. "Don't be ridiculous. Ninomiya will never-,"

"He could suddenly start liking him and break up with you just like he did with me," Kitagawa lifts her eyebrows and lets out a faked sigh. "Just saying…"

"They are just friends and his friend is currently having some problems, he's taking care of him for a while," Sho doesn't even know why he has to defend them in front of that woman. It's nothing of her concern.

"I wished, Nino had once properly taken care of me when we were in a relationship, like he's taking care of his friend now," the woman spits, despiteful.

"Stop that now," it wouldn't take long before Sho loses his nerves. He has enough. "If you're trying to make me jealous, it won't work. I trust him."

"Oh well, I just want to help," Kitagawa said in a sing-song voice.

"I dare to doubt that," Sho spits.

"Whatever. Bye, Sakurai-san, have a nice day," the woman says, turning on her heel, finally.


Chapter 5 – Part 2


- - + NINOMIYA KAZUNARI + - -

Maybe, Nino is a little prude. Or maybe, so far he just wasn't interested enough in sex to explore it further. He's not a virgin, he had a couple of girlfriends and of course tried one thing or another but somehow, it never felt right. Well, since he met Sho, even if he is taking his sweet time to get to know him better, to connect his increasingly frequent dreams about their joint past (as unbelievable as it sounds), he thinks that this fact might change very soon. He started dreaming of him and their joint past and especially since he finally accepted that they are meant to be together, those dreams are getting more intense and… intimate.

They didn't have sex yet and since Nino isn't experienced with guys, he'd be a liar if he says he isn't a little nervous and maybe that's why he doesn't want to rush things. However, the longer he and Sho are together, especially if they share the same room, the same bed, the more he's getting curious. He loves kissing the other, he loves getting touched by the other and he wants more. And his dreams, getting less and less innocent, are adding up to this. Somehow, Nino felt prepared. He felt ready.

Just, that the timing now is bad. Just when Nino is almost ready to take the last step and offer Sho more between them, they get separated by the circumstances. Nino can’t complain of course, since the emergency is a huge problem for his friend and helping him is much more important than something like having sex now. Nevertheless, it follows him into his dreams and makes him hungry. Eager to see Sho again and to do things with him that he so far... well... only dreamt of.

Nino opens his eyes, staring up to the ceiling of the apartment he's sleeping in, his mind sharp and his breath a bit hitching. He feels the heat in his face and quickly hides underneath the blanket to give himself a few seconds to calm down from his dream. He almost feels guilty, having somewhat erotic dreams at such times when he's sleeping in the same room with his heartbroken friend, but he just can't help it. He takes a deep breath and crawls out from underneath the blanket again, reaching out to find his cell phone that should be lying somewhere close, to check the time.

The next thing that Nino sees on his cell phone screen this morning isn't only an unanswered call from his mother but also a super sweet mail by Sho. The young man cannot help but smile happily, feeling his heart tightening slightly from joy. He rolls onto his back and types a reply, taking much too long while trying to find the perfect words and trying not to use those embarrassing heart emoji that he for some reason wants to use so much. He reads the message like three times before he finally sends it out and puts his phone back on its place next to his futon on the ground.

"Your boyfriend?" a weak voice coming from the bed asks and when Nino turns, he sees Ohno lying there, as pale as the other day.

"Eh?" Nino blushes. He feels caught. Hopefully, he didn't do anything embarrassing while dreaming this night...

"You're smiling, so I thought maybe you got a message from your boyfriend. The assistant professor, right? He brought over your stuff. It sounded like you two get along pretty well," Ohno continues, smiling faintly.

"Ah yeah, we… it's pretty fresh though," Nino answers sheepishly. They didn't talk about it yet, Nino found it inappropriate to tell his friend about the happy development in his private life when for Ohno everything seemed to have crushed.

"I'm happy for you," the other says. "Sorry for keeping you away from him."

Nino finally sits up, looking at his friend, shaking his head. "It's OK, really, don't worry about it. Your situation is more important now. Were you able to sleep a bit?"

Ohno doesn't answer but it's not necessary, seeing the dark circles around his puffy eyes. He didn't sleep much since what happened with Matsumoto.

"I guess we should get up and make breakfast, the appointment is at 10," Nino continues, setting an example and getting up, folding his futon to make more space. "What do you want to eat?"

"I don't know…," Ohno murmurs, not making any signs of getting up.

"I'll find something in the kitchen and make something. Just get dressed, OK?" Nino suggests and makes his way.

Yes, as much as Nino wants to explore his newfound relationship with Sho, right now, this is not the right time for it. Right now, Nino has to take care of Ohno who seemed to have literally knocked on death's gates, to beg for a new life, to beg for another chance with his lover Matsumoto in his next life.

Unfortunately, Nino cannot say that he is too surprised about Matsumoto's reaction to Ohno's secret. It's sad but they knew that it was risky and that the possibility existed that Matsumoto would be shocked – too shocked – and possibly reject Ohno. Like the young man himself said, it's understandable that Matsumoto got a shock from Ohno's revelation that he's not a woman but a man, physically, and it's also understandable that he said he needs some time to think about it. However, it is not acceptable that the other man cut ties with Ohno completely as it seems. He doesn't answer the phone nor replies to mails, not even for one proper talk to at least cleanly end things, if this is what he wants.

Nino feels horrible about the deep sadness and despair of his friend. This must be what a broken heart feels like, he thinks and suddenly, he hopes that the hearts he broke don't suffer as much as his friend's now.

It's been about four days now that Nino stays at Ohno's place and thankfully Nino could convince his fellow student, not to end his life, which he's sure that the other truly considered, thinking about the fact that he's convinced that he will be reincarnated. The argument that suicide will probably shrew up Ohno's karma and that in his next life he can possibly not become better, finally worked, to Nino's relief. Further, he was also able to convince his friend to not rush things and to properly think about his second idea – getting surgery to become a real woman.

Ohno thought about it for a few days, but in the end, he decides that he wants to talk to someone for once to get some professional advice at least. So, Nino made an appointment at a doctor for Ohno as soon as possible. He already gave some information about Ohno's situation to the assistant on the phone to make sure the doctor is prepared for it. As promised, Nino offers to accompany the other and this is how they end up here, in the consultation room of a doctor today, a few hours later. It's a little awkward and definitely not a usual doctor's appointment but both, Nino and Ohno know that this is the first necessary step on what’s a probably very long way. It's not like you can change gender from one day to another, after all…

"So, Ohno-san, you're thinking about having surgery to become a woman?" the doctor asks with a friendly smile. He seems like a very patient person, probably necessary in this job, Nino thinks.

Ohno doesn't reply. Nino looks at him, pitiful. He can only imagine how confused and nervous his friend must feel right now. Just when he wants to part his lips to answer on behalf of his friend, the doctor clears his throat and Nino looks at him again.

The doctor continues, slowly, after taking another closer look at the documents in front of him. "I think, judging from the information that I got from your friend... that you aren't completely ready yet for this, are you? It seems that you yourself started to doubt your feelings about yourself only recently but you seemed to be fine with it before. You don't hate being a man, right?"

Ohno slightly shakes his head. "I don't."

"So why now?" the doctor asks in a friendly voice.

"I... you see... it's because of him...," Ohno starts but he isn't able to finish the sentence, falling silent again.

"Your partner?"

The doctor looks at Nino who is sitting in the chair next to Ohno, stiffening and quickly shakes his head. Ohno mirrors the gesture, a faint smile on his lips.

"Ah no, not him, Nino here isn't my partner," Ohno says. "He's my dear friend, but I'm talking about someone else."

The doctor makes some notes, nodding in understanding. "I see. So it's about another man… Someone you are in love with? Sorry for the intimate question."

"Yeah, I'm in love with him," Ohno answers honestly.

"And does he love you too?"

"I think... he likes me. Or… liked me before I told him about being genderqueer," the young man sighs.

"Does he know you as a man too or just as a woman?"

"We got to know each other when I was dressed as a woman. I felt like a woman in his presence, it's a little complicated," Ohno rubbed his forehead slightly. "We started dating and I didn't think about everything until it kind of hit me that he might only like the female me and so I told him the truth before… we got too intimate."

"How did he react? Did he yell at you? Did he get aggressive in some way?"

"No," Ohno replied, shaking his head. "Well, he said that I betrayed him and that he needs time to think, then he just left and since that day I cannot reach him. I guess it was a huge shock for him and he doesn't want to see me… obviously..."

"Well," the doctor said. "At least he didn't get violent. In fact, I don't think that it sounds so bad, are you hoping for him to come back?"

To be honest, those are exactly Nino's thoughts, it doesn't sound that bad. However, on one side, he doesn't want to raise hope in Ohno without any basis and the fact that Matsumoto isn't contactable at all doesn't provide that much space for hope… and probably this is also what Ohno is thinking.

"Since he knows the truth, and ignores all my attempts to contact him, I fear he won't come back," the young man's voice cracked slightly.

Nino frowns sympathetically when he sees Ohno's wet eyes. He reaches his hand out to touch his arm in a small comforting gesture. He might not be able to help in this situation, but he at least wants the other to know that he's there.

"Is it possible that you think that if you were a woman, he might return to you?"

"...It's my only hope," Ohno finally replies after a few seconds of silence. He's trembling slightly.

"Did he tell you that he can only love you if you become a woman?"

Ohno shakes his head.

"Does he know that you're thinking about undergoing a gender change?"

Again, shaking of the head.

"Maybe you should talk to him again, text him at least if you cannot reach him. Confirm his feelings toward you. You haven’t talked a single word since he found out the truth, right?"

The young man shakes his head again.

The doctor leans a bit forward on his table and folds his hands. "He might be still under shock. This isn't meant to be rude but if he fell in love with your female self and didn't suspect you to be a man, the revelation must have been huge, maybe even traumatic. Especially if he's a straight man. Do you know for sure that he's straight?"

A nod. "I'm pretty sure about it. He mentioned that he had other girlfriends before but that I am special to him."

"You think he's only referring to you as a special woman?" the doctor asks. "Or do you think it's possible he referred to you as a person special to him?" When Ohno doesn't answer, the doctor continues. "Don't you think that if you give him a bit more time, maybe write him a letter and explain things again to him that he will change his mind and get used to the idea of you being a man?"

"But if he really is straight…," Nino chimes in, voicing Ohno's doubts aloud.

After all he knows about them being the reincarnations of a married couple, a man and a woman. Considering the sexual orientations of Ohno, who is again interested in men, even if he is not born as a woman this time; Sho, as well as Nino, the chances that Matsumoto was straight in his former life and also is in his current life, are high. Or is there a chance that Matsumoto is bi? Or maybe… becomes bi, for Ohno's sake? According to Ohno's stories they loved each other so much in the past and their love survived through the reincarnation process, making them fall in love with each other again in this life. It's a miracle, even if there is this big obstacle right now. But isn't there a chance that their love can overcome this obstacle? Is there still room for hope?

"To be honest, Ohno-san," the doctor continues. "I believe that there is the possibility that he still likes you. This is not a guarantee, but otherwise, his reaction towards your real gender might have been different, more aggressive, for example. You said he was not aggressive towards you, was he?"

"Not at all, he was more… hurt. But… you see, things are a little more complicated," Ohno answers and Nino can only imagine that he is referring to their joint past. To the fact that Matsumoto was in love with him once, a long time ago, well, with a female version of him.

"What do you mean?" the doctor asks and Nino looks at Ohno, a bit nervous, wondering how far his friend might go, how much he is willing to tell.

Surprisingly, Ohno decides to go with the truth, probably knowing that it's risky, but this is how he is, he's honest and straightforward, that's how he approached Nino too regarding this topic. "You might call me crazy, Sensei, but… do you maybe believe in things like reincarnation?"

The doctor looks at Ohno, then he exchanges a short look with Nino who just looks back with a serious face, before he focuses on Ohno again. After a second, the doctor replies. "... That's a very philosophical question, isn't it, Ohno-san? I have to admit that from my scientific point of view, I cannot really say that I believe in reincarnation. But of course, this doesn't mean that it doesn't exist."

Well, at least he didn't call them crazy.

"I don't want to force my belief about this on you, but I do believe in reincarnation," Ohno answers, honestly. "And I am convinced that in my former life, I was a woman. And he was my husband."

"Is that why you think you should be a woman again in this life?" the doctor asks but Ohno doesn't answer. "But even if, let's say, you two really are the reincarnations of a couple in your former life, does it mean that you have to be a couple again? Maybe, you aren't meant to become a couple again in this life. Maybe you are just meant to be friends."

It must appear like a harsh thought to Ohno, but Nino has to admit that he already considered this option too. However, he isn't sure if giving up so easily is OK. Seeing how deeply Ohno is in love with Matsumoto, Nino wants to believe that this is just a challenge for the couple, to see, if they are worth to be together again or something crazy like this. It's not like he actually understands how fate works, but isn't it possible? The young man – most likely just like Ohno too – is drawn in between wanting to give up and wanting to keep hoping. This cannot be over now, there must be something they can do, or at least try. Giving up without trying is something that Nino did too often in his life already, and he's sick of it. He wants to give all he can to help Ohno to not give up yet.

"I do believe that we're meant for each other," Ohno replies, looking directly at the doctor. "I will fight for it. We will be a couple again."

"So you want to become a woman for this man?"

"If this is what it takes to get him back, yes."

"Ohno-san, please. I think you should think about this surgery topic again, very thoroughly. This isn't something you should decide to do for someone else, it's a huge change that concerns you and your body and it will be a long process. A psychologist will need to get you a certificate that states your mindset is the one of a woman so that you will not regret your decision later. I can send you to one of course, but it's up to them and you how things will progress further. And I'll be frank, it's against a doctor's ethic to agree to your request if I am not 100% convinced that you really want this and that you are ready for this. Then you will have to start taking hormones pills, for quite a while. Surgery will only be the last step on a long way," the doctor says and Nino is glad to hear some professional saying what he has been trying to tell his friend. "You should definitely talk to that man again. At least you have to tell him about your plans. If you two are meant to be together, maybe he can overcome his doubts without having you going under this surgery. After all, changing your gender has a huge impact on your body and is filled with risks, mentally as well as physically. Think about it, do you really want that?"

"I just want him to love me," Ohno says in a whispering voice, heavy with the tears that are waiting in his eyes to run down his cheeks.

"But at what price?" the doctor asks.

Ohno doesn't say anything, and Nino can catch despair, doubt and fear in his eyes, mixing with his determination. He reaches out to hold his friend's hand.

"Senpai, please, let's try to find another way first."

- + -

Indeed, Nino has an idea up his sleeve for this another way of trying to fix things, even if at first, he's not sure of how Ohno will react to it. It can be risky. It can reveal more about Ohno than he is willing to share but Nino wants to try and suggest it to his friend, bearing his straight-forwardness and honesty in mind. And indeed, when he tells him about it, Ohno's reaction is quite positive.

"I can write a script based on yours and Matsumoto's story and we can use it in the theatre club for a performance," Nino tells him once they are back in Ohno's apartment. When the other looks at him, confused, the young man continues to explain his plan. "About your past life, and your current life and about fate messing with the two of you. Maybe, if we tell the whole story on stage and Matsumoto sees it – kind or from the position of an outsider – he gets the big picture and is able to think about it in a different way?"

Yeah, the idea is risky and Nino will have to base the script on a quite detailed plot in order to be able to reach Matsumoto. Plus they don’t even know if he will come watching the play once they hold it. But somehow, Ohno's eyes get brighter, with hope sprouting again, and he urges Nino to tell him more about his plan.

The theatre club is quickly persuaded over Nino's idea for a new play. Of course, he doesn't tell anyone about how much truth lies in it, but the members of the club find the story and the diverse topics of reincarnation, soulmates and genderqueerness quite interesting and worth telling a story about it. It may be a bit risky, still the world – also the academic world – isn't open-minded enough for something like that but the students see it as their obligation to guide people's eyes towards such topics. Two days later, preparations are already in full operation. While Nino is working on high speed on the script and dialogues, others already started working on the stage design and more. They plan to set the play on stage soon, as soon as possible.

Nino and Ohno are even working on it during lunch breaks at university, well that is, if they are not eating or when Nino isn't busy with staring at Sho. The three of them go together on lunch breaks since Monday and Nino is happy to see that Sho and Ohno seem to get along well too. In the meantime, the young student told Ohno everything about him and Sho, about his returning memories, that they are kind of living together recently because of a fight with Nino's mom and whatnot. His friend is sincerely happy for him that he found his soulmate and supports them, even if he – along with Sho – suggested to Nino about making up with his mother. Ohno even agreed on telling Sho the whole story, it seemed natural to get him into the "inner circle" so to say, since he's one of them too, Ohno said. With one of them he means people who remember their previous lives, and this, Sho proved to Nino already, undoubtedly.

What's a little surprising is that it turns out that Sho actually knows Matsumoto Jun. Well, kind of. They met on the campus once and it seems they attended the same university. It sounds like a huge coincidence but if they follow Ohno's theory that if all four of them knew each other in their previous lives already, it would make sense. It seemed obvious that fate wanted them to cross each other's paths again. However, when Nino and Ohno told Sho Ohno's story, he remembered the guy from the magazine and suggested trying to get in contact with him too, if he doesn't react to Ohno's calls. It sounds like a plan and Ohno is thankful for each and every little help he could get.

Sho offers to take away the empty trays after lunch and disappears from their table for a while, when Ohno reaches out with his hand to touch Nino's arm who's hunched over his script, scribbling a few sentences on the paper, in deep concentration. Nino looks up at his friend, a bit confused.

"Don't you want to go back to Sakurai-san's place tonight?" Ohno suddenly suggests, smiling cutely.

"Eh?" Nino wonders. He's still staying at Ohno's place, almost a week now and he hasn't returned to Sho yet, still worried about leaving his friend alone. "But…"

"It's OK," Ohno says, pulling his hand back and resting his chin on it. "You've done so much for me already and I can see that you miss each other. I feel guilty for keeping you two separated."

Nino blushes slightly. He feels caught. "Are you sure?" he asks, a bit insecure if he should really consider the offer to go back. "Are you OK on your own?"

Ohno nods, confirming. "I'm fine now. You gave me hope, Nino and I'll owe this to you forever. I won't do anything stupid, I promise. Go back home, I know you want it."

"Can I trust you?" Nino asks with a critical look.

"You can," another smile of Ohno and this time, Nino is convinced.

Nino smiles, obviously excited, his heart beating a bit faster when he thinks about going back to Sho's apartment, cuddling with him under his blanket again, warm and cosy. "Alright."

"Ah," Ohno exclaims. "He's coming back."

Sho puts three cups of coffee onto the table that he brought along – Ohno immediately reaches at one, thankfully nodding - and settles down again on his seat next to Nino's. When he lets his hand slide onto Nino's back, letting his hand lay there, Nino feels like the skin underneath his clothes is burning from excitement.

"How are preparations going?" the assistant professor asks, leaning a bit closer over Nino's scribbling, making the student blush from the closeness.

"Nino is amazing," Ohno says. "He's almost finished with the script and it's gorgeous."

"Of course, since he is gorgeous," Sho answers with a cute chuckle and Nino's heart melts from it.

"Don't flatter me, Sho, I have to concentrate, this is very serious," the student pouts, trying to play it down and grabs his pen a bit firmer to focus again.

"I know, sorry for distracting your thoughts," the assistant professor smirks cheekily before he takes his own cup of coffee into his hand. "So I'll leave you guys here and return to classes and afterwards, I'll try to find out more about Matsumoto. I'll let you know when I have more information."

"Thank you very much, Sakurai-san," Ohno bows slightly.

"No problem. I'm sorry I can't be of more help."

"It's more than enough, really," the arts student replies.

Sho takes another sip of his coffee and then stands up, touching Nino's shoulder, who looks up at him.

"I'll call me in the evening at the latest?" the assistant professor asks.

Nino nods. "Alright."

"Then talk to you later. Good luck," Sho winks at him and Nino blushes again but doesn't avert his eyes. Instead, he keeps on watching his boyfriend as he leaves, until he's out of the canteen.

"You… don't want to return to him tonight?" Ohno then asks a bit puzzled.

Nino turns at him before he drops his gaze back to his papers. "Oh, I will."

"Ah, you want to surprise him?" it's as if Nino can almost hear the grin in his friend's question.